The Space In Which I Dance

The space in which I dance is the space I create.
A space made of worthlessness and despair
self-hate
No dignity to be found under the sagging flesh that has become my body and my soul
Mortality only the softest of soft whispers
Confidence not only lacking but shattered as a delicate flower to the dirt floor
crushed and withered fast, so fast my mind does not comprehend its demise.

I wanted to be loved, cherhished
To see the light of love, true real love
I hungered for the kiss taht would be forever missed
To greive a grief taht scared and destorted what was left of my life
My miserable pathetic existence.

The characters in my life stand as I dance faster and faster around them
Their faces show pity and a hurt so deep that the ache would remain there for eternity
I gave so much of myself any that as I approached my years of decline, I knew I had to find the energy to survive the war
The assault I placed upon my very core.

In order to accomplish this great magic trick I became self-involved
No longer caring how I hurt others as long as I stayed on track with the growing,
no, gnawing hunger for what I needed
To affirm my rapid decline to this palce in which I danced
The dance of destruction and rage.

I wanted
I wanted
I wanted
I wanted what I wanted NOW!!!
I could no longer wait
For what I needed to come to me
I began a search so fucused that I knew I could not stop.

The eyes I looked into seemed not to see who I had become
He tells me that it is I that doesn't understand
I fight the truth as I have never fought before
With the truth I become dust
To blow in the wind and never return

See me dance
See me fade right before your eyes!!!!!

I wanted to be the queen
I wanted to find real love
I wanted to feel alive
I wanted to know the truth

Now I am left with Brettina
Beauty becomes her
She is the dancing queen
Even when she is striped of all she deemed important to her

It no longer matters
as long as the music
plays in her head....................................