believer

I feel pain spread throughout my insides
I feel it devour my soul
As sadness pumps through my veins
I feel depression’s knife now dull
Running its blunt edge back and forth
Sawing me like lumber but unlike wood I feel the pain
It is real and almost haunts me
It never leaves just stands back to watch me
It laughs at my tears
And kicks dirt on my empty face
Leaving a stain of hate on my heart
That love never shows up to erase
Just teases me like cookies on a shelf to high to grasp
Its in sight but is slips
Something always gets in my way and I lose my grip
And sure enough my pain and depression is there to catch me when I trip
So my pen gets to writing these feelings inside me
But when I let things go
Another sad thought though provides me
With the never ending struggle and fighting
For a simple taste of the joy I see right beside me
But when I grab it
it rots if not that then I take a bite
feel great but sure enough that joy was a lie
tainted with poison
and I lose it tears make my sheets moisten
and im back to step one
to start it over to go through the same shit again and again
but somehow im motivated
I know that I can win in the end
I don’t know why I see a small light
And every time it gets closer its gone and bliss dies
Mental and emotional fist fights
But its like I know that somewhere
There is something real that wont die
Wont be a lie
Wont be a heartbreak in disguise
As the real deal just because it feels real
I can be love blind
And sometime the one I thought mine
Will turn against me like columbine
And if im attached it hurts more when she is no longer mine
I must have a strong mind
And live on with shit behind me
And god damn it every time I try to forget something reminds me
Of the love I once had inside me
But it wasn’t returned
Her love burned till there was no more flame
Where do I lay blame
Its pointless to point fingers
Make the pain linger
Shit I don’t need her
So I march on strong cause im a believer