Death is never easy. Especially when you are four years old. |
I begged my mama for another cookie. I was as persistent as any four year old could be about cookies. My mama only half way scolded me saying I was going to make myself sick due to eating too many cookies. She did this as she gave me another cookie and one more for my little brother. I knew my brother would never see his share of the cookies. Mama shooed me out of the kitchen promising a whipping if I came back begging for anymore cookies. There were about two years age difference between my brother and myself. My birthday was December tenth and his was December fourth. My brother and I were close and I loved him with all my heart. We had a good family. My mama stayed home with the two of us during the day while my daddy took care of a large ranch. At night we would eat home grown food and enjoy each others company. We went to church every time the doors were open. We were a good hard working, God fearing family. So why did such a tragedy have to happen to us? My father was plowing the field behind our ranch house, and on the days that he felt it was safe for me I would get to ride with him. So forgetting the cookies for my brother I shoved his share into my mouth and skipped to the fence. My blond pig tales bounced around my head. I flagged my daddy down and he pulled to the fence. Daddy lifted me up into the seat easily. The gears of the old tractor protested as he shoved them into gear. I don't remember how long I rode the tractor with him and I didn't care. I decided I was going to try to beg some more cookies from my mother, knowing that I would more than likely get a swat on the backside for doing something she had told me not to. So my dad let me off the tractor in the middle of the field and I bounded, barefoot, across the freshly plowed dirt. I entered the kitchen breathlessly and began my campaign for another cookie. I was told to go get Michael and get cleaned up for dinner. I left the house pouting, but none the less doing as my mama asked. I went to the swing set where I had last saw him but he wasn't there. I went back into the house and told mama. She walked out into the yard and yelled his name. We both knew when mama yelled we better answer lest we wanted the whipping of a life time. Mama took a switch from a near by tree and climbed over the gate heading towards the creek. She told me to look around the yard. We weren't allowed outside the yard, but sometimes we did it anyway. I watched as mama walked down the road. I could tell by the way she was walking Michael was in trouble, because mama was mad. I saw her turn around after a few minutes and head back. I walked over to the gate that led into the corral. That was another place that was off limits to us. Our ranch had cattle and horses on it and the corral was a dangerous place for two kids. I peered through the gate and noticed something wasn't quite right. Then I saw him. I called for mama. I had found him, but he was on the ground. A big heavy gate lay on top of him and he was awfully still. He was just sleeping. He often slept in funny positions why would this be any different. My mama rushed to my side and she seemed to glide over the gate. She lifted the gate from him, but he still didn't move. Why wasn't he moving? Mama ran to the fence and yelled for my daddy. Daddy didn't see her at first but when he finally did he jumped from the tractor without even stopping it. He jumped the fence and took my brother from my mama's arms and they went into the house. Why was mama crying? Why was Michael still sleeping? I didn't understand. A little while later friend of mine came over to play. I was going to stay the night with her for a few days. I never really did like staying away from home but I like her. Her mama was nice, like mine. On the way down the road I saw a big truck with bright blinking lights zoom past us. It was a neat looking truck. A few days passed and we were going to go to church. We were going to my grannies church. Michael and myself often went to church with my granny when stayed the night with her. There were a bunch of people there that I knew from my church, and then there were people there I had never met before. I looked for Michael but I didn't see him anywhere. I wondered where he could have been. I hadn't seen him in a few days and I was beginning to miss him. We sat and listened as my uncle preached. It was different because everyone was crying. My mama was really crying hard. There was something up front but I wasn't sure what it was. Finally it was almost over, and everyone stood. I watched as everyone walked past us and up front. Finally it was our turn to go up front. Daddy picked me up and my mama clung tight to his arm. When we reached the front I finally saw Michael. He was sleeping in a little bed. I had never saw a bed like this. It was white it had a top. His favorite toy horse was beside him. Michael had always loved horses. Michael looked different, then my daddy whispered into my ear. "Say bye to Michael, baby." Daddy's voice sounded funny. "Why daddy?" "Because Michael is going to live with Jesus now." I knew something wasn't right and some how I knew I would never see my beloved brother again. It didn't take until several years later to actually understand what had actually happened that day in October, but as I grew older I realized what had actually happened. Our lives slowly got back on track though I know my mother will always have a piece of her heart missing because her baby was taken from her. I am twenty four now with a brother that is almost eighteen and another one that is almost sixteen. Though my life has went on and I am older now I will never forget that day for as long as I live. The day I found my baby brother lying dead beneath a fallen gate. |