Always And Forever

I suppose you could say it all started in the October of 2005, when one of my friends came up to me and whispered into my ear, “Jason likes you,”. To be honest…I didn’t know who on earth Sagar was at the time. I felt a little bad that this guy liked me and I had no idea that he even existed. But I got to know Jason not long after that and we became good friends. There was even a point when I thought I had feelings for him. When I thought I liked him more than “just a friend”. But this story isn’t about Jason. I might have had a tiny crush on him for a few weeks but he’s not the guy I fell in love with.
I got to know Ryan only in February. He was a friend of Jason’s and Jason had given me his e-mail address so I could get to know him. Neither of us knew how much my life would change once I added that e-mail address to my contact list. Even though Ryan lived in the neighborhood, we didn’t really know each other. This was our chance to change that. And we both took it.
Ryan and I started Instant Messaging each other quite often after I added him. I found him really fun to talk to. Someone who could cheer me up and I was down. Someone who could make me laugh when I didn’t even wanna smile. Someone who was just really honest and didn’t care what other people thought of him.
I suppose things REALLY changed when I was talking to him online one evening and we decided to meet each other after school the next day. We met that day. And the next. And the day after that, too. We started hanging out a lot and in the process—started getting to know a lot about each other, too. We were both “surprisingly” keen to know who the other one had a crush on. We would bugg each other for hours about it, never getting any information we wanted.
On Valentine’s Day…Sagar asked me out. Unfortunately for him, I had no option but to turn him down. I just wasn’t in love with him. And all my “mixed feelings” from before had disappeared as well.
The 18th of February started out like any other day. Another lazy Saturday morning. Another late breakfast. Another boring afternoon. But then came evening…and something inside me urged me to go downstairs. I never usually went down. I did sometimes, though. And on that day I felt I had to. And I’m glad I did.
After everyone else had gone home, me and Ryan went for a walk. We were just hanging out and talking like we always did. Everything felt the same way it did every time I hung out with him. But then there was that awkward silence. Those few seconds where both of us had realized we had run out of things to say. Then the most unexpected thing happened…he asked me out. It came as a really, really big shock to me. All I can do right now is thank God that I didn’t pass out! I could make out from the expression on his face that even he was pretty surprised at what he had just said. But he had said it. And no, I wasn’t dreaming.
Somehow, the fact that I was having a bad hair day or the fact that my outfit wasn’t really the “best” or the fact that I wasn’t wearing any make-up didn’t matter. We were both ready for it. And so it happened.
Ryan and I have come across a few people who weren’t happy with us being together. My ex and Jason being on the top of the list. But we didn’t care. If they weren’t ready to be happy for us then, screw them! We had each other. That was all that mattered.
I remember certain things Ryan had said to me. Like when I was upset because I thought he was gonna break up with me, he told me he would never do that. It definitely made me smile.
On our one month anniversary he gave me a necklace. I was so shocked. I wasn’t expecting anything from him. But the truth is…I know Ryan is always gonna find ways to surprise me. Right from asking me out…to giving me the necklace. It’s what he’s always done—shock me. It’s what I love most about him.
Ryan and I have been together for three months now. And I’ve never been happier. From being someone who went down once a month…I now go down everyday. Not really to “hang out” with my boyfriend, but just to see him. We both have our own friends who we hand out with downstairs. We don’t always hang out together. We do, sometimes. Not all the time. But it just helps to know that my boyfriend lives two minutes away and he’ll be here if I need him.
I don’t know where me and Ryan are going or how we’re gonna end up. I don’t really need to know any of that. I’m living in the moment. I don’t care about the future, just yet. And so far…living in the moment has been great.
I just hope Ryan knows that I really do love him. And no matter what happens…a part of me always well. Always and Forever.