The Island (super-working title)

The Island

Maurice: Fun-loving, slobbish, adorable, and charming. Also extremely conservative.
Charlie: Up-tight, liberal ass-hole.


Act I
Scene 1

Maurice and Charlie’s plane has just crashed on an island. They are the only two left alive.


Maurice: You should boil that first.

Charlie: It’s water isn’t it?

Maurice: You don’t know where that’s been, that shit could be infected!

Charlie: Do you really think it matters at this point?

Maurice: Go ahead, but if you die on me and I’m stuck on this shit hole alone I will be bitter.

Charlie: It’s fine.

Maurice: (Opens a beer can) Now you see, this is what the smart man drinks.

Charlie: Wha- where the hell did you get that?

Maurice: There’s a huge thing of drinks in the plane’s galley. You see, I’m smarter than to just drink that shit. I’m not gonna go get some giardia or shit.

Charlie: But you are gonna get dehydrated. (Pours beer on ground).

Maurice: Now, hold on. You didn’t just do that-

Charlie: The water is fine.

Maurice: Wait, wait, I wasn’t talking about the water.

Charlie: The water is fine. The water is fucking fine!

Maurice: Jeez, chill man. I’ll drink the water.

Charlie: This is terrific. This is just terrific. I’m stuck on a- do you know what I was supposed to be doing right now? I was coming for a White Stripes concert in the perfect location. An island resort. Well I got the island. Now all I have to do is find a damn resort!

Maurice: Now, now hold on. The White Stripes?

Charlie: Yes.

Maurice: You flew all the way down here for a White Stripes concert.

Charlie: Yes.

Maurice: (laughs) Well it’s your travel money.

Charlie: Thanks, you know what? If that’s such a terrible reason; what are you here for?

Maurice: Drive By Truckers concert.

Charlie: Of course.

Maurice: Hey I tell you, you match up any northern band, the White Stripes, Green Day and match them up against any southern band, Drive By Truckers, Lynyrd Skynyrd. No contest.

Charlie: Are you telling me that location is the sole basis for a band’s success?

Maurice: Of course, have you name me one great rocker from the north.

Charlie: Are you serious? Ah, Jimi Hendrix was from Seattle.

Maurice: He doesn’t classify as a rocker.

Charlie: What? He’s the greatest guitarist of all time! Ah- it doesn’t matter! Have you noticed we’re still stuck on an island in the middle of the ocean.

Maurice: Yep.

Charlie: “Yep” what?

Maurice: Well, we are stuck here on an island.

Charlie: Does that not concern you?

Maurice: Yes. Very much so.

Charlie: Well, I’m glad you’re worried.

Maurice: Hey, you’re the one who’s talking about the White Stripes.