What is there to life,

is life really worth living?

Or is it an empty void of nothingness?

Of worthlessness?



Here today,

gone tomorrow?



Are there really anything else to life

than being hurt,

broken –

experiencing the nothingness of it all?

Loneliness,

hurt

and malfunctioning,

dreams gone haywire!

Hurt

upon hurt

upon hurt …..

breaking into fragments

of shattered glass,

hurting –

why …..

why not just end it all …

drift off into endless sleep …..

into oblivion;



“don’t worry, be happy”? …..

awake or asleep …

being nowhere,

experiencing nothing but hurt and loneliness;

whether young?

whether old?

– mature transformed child?

misfit,

not one nor the other –

drowning,

grasping

for breath …..

“don’t worry, be happy”?



Whereto now?

excused self from life,

a life of misery ..

being miserable

beyond compare,

grovelling deep down in the pit



What is there to life



To be awakened

long

before the crack of dawn,

even afore the birds are astir;

while in darkness

the world is bathed

and fingers of cold

creep up your spine;

to be awaiting

under a street light,

transported away to where I do not wanna be,

why?





For whatever reason,

for many a season

and many a season to come,

why,

may there a reason be?



Hidden away from the outside,

the sunshine and majestic splendour of nature,

is this what life is all about?



What is there to life

Whatever might the reason be

why I might wish cry,

wish to die,

just not to be

– not wishing to be hurting no more,

not wishing to be crying

– to be a part of today,

or tomorrow,

nor even experiencing now!

… just not being any more!



Nowhere to be,

no one to belong to,

nowhere to go,

no one who might need

or remember me,

nothing I might wish to see,

nothing,

just the emptiness thereof?



No future,

no nothing,

an empty void not to comprehend …



You –

became my reason,

my season,

my dream –

yet,

you took it away…

Strangled me emotionally as though I am but a doll,

to be thrown away on the rubbish dump of life,

torn apart,

broken …

Slowly drop by drop,

bleeding inside,

where no one can see

because I do not want to be …

I do not want to be me

Without you!



I’ve been happy,

I’ve been sad,

I’ve been mature

and I’ve been a child,

yet,

what is left?



What is there to life?



Could I but walk into the sea

and be swept away …

never more to be,

without you



Why would Jesus want me

After I’ve nailed Him to the tree,

Myself!
I’ve caused Him to bleed,

Been hurting Him,

Thoughtlessly …

Yet, HIS ARMS ARE OUTSTRETCHED –

For ME!!!



If only I could sleep

Nevermore to be awakened,

To be hurt

To cry

To weep

To be all alone …

Inside me my heart turned to stone

I am dying,

because of you … 20.04.2006