Honesty is the Best Policy!

Honesty Is the Best Policy!

‘Everybody lies…every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception. ‘Deceit is fundamental to human condition. Mark Twain wrote a long time ago.

Interestingly, in a recent study, men and women lied with equal frequency; however, Feldman, a researcher, found that women were more likely to lie to make the stranger feel good, whereas men lied to make themselves look better.

So what is a lie, why do we lie, how does it start and why do we need to get rid of such a syndrome? Simply put, a lie is a statement that you know is not true. To answer the second portion of the question which is why do we lie? I need to brief you on the types of lies people use. The first type of lying is pro-social. Here people lie to protect someone, to benefit or help others. The second type is self-enhancement- lying to save face, avoid disapproval, punishment or embarrassments; not intended to hurt others. The third type is selfish; lying to protect the self at the expense of another and/or to cover up a wrong. The last one is anti-social. Here lying is used to hurt someone else intentionally.

So, how does such a habit begin? The answer is the ‘root’. Well, it starts from the time your child begins to crawl. Does that ring a bell? Remember when you held up and tinkled your keys in order to attract and have your child come to you, and when he did, the first thing you DID was hug and squish him. But you forgot to give him the keys which were the MAIN reason your child crawled down that mile for. Right there and then was the first lesson you taught him about lying. Another example, which usually appears at a later stage, is when that guy, who you don’t like, came or called your house, and you asked your kid to lie on behalf of you by instructing him to say that you were not there. So, embarrassingly, your child went, oh my dad said that he was not in. Well no wonder today we have skilled Natural-Born-Liars. As a matter of fact, the primary reason we become so good at it is that we are good at lying to ourselves.

Don’t feel down you are not alone when it comes to lying; believe it or not, we all lie even plants and animals. Maybe most of us agree that certain types of lies are acceptable, such as those told to be polite or to protect oneself from danger; known as white lies.

To conclude, nevertheless, no matter what kind of a lie we use whether it is pro-social, self-enhancement, selfish or anti-social and no matter how we deliver it, whether it is done by crying crocodile tears, slipping off white lies or by proudly uttering verbal lies, it is crucial for all of us to find ways to help our children and certainly ourselves to get rid of such a habit for one simple reason namely dishonesty destroys trust in relationship. Wendy Gamble wrote, ‘A tendency to lie or deceive will affect the way children form and maintain relationships with others. So let’s always remember that honesty is the key of successful communication and healthy relationships.’