My exhilarating interview of Mr. Monsyllabic Man |
It was the Starbucks on 37th and Hawthorne that made for a cool, hip spot in which to chat it up with Mr. Monosyllabic Man. I ordered a venti, hazelnut, soy, extra hot, no water chai, while Mr. Monosyllabic Man predictably ordered tea when asked what he wanted to drink. We found a cozy spot by the street-side windows, with me facing out. With his permission, I turned on my voice recorder, and placed it flat on the table. I took one sip of my delicious drink, set it down, and began our conversation. Ace Reporter: So, Mr. Monosyllabic Man. I guess it's kinda cool to have such a distinct name, huh? Mr. Monosyllabic Man: Yup. AR: How did you come up with that name? MMM: Well... AR: Well, what? MMM: Huh? AR: How did you come up with the name? MMM: Name... AR: Never mind. So, what was your childhood like? Was it tough having such a name, while living in a world where there are a lot more words that have more than one syllable? MMM: Yeah. AR: Yeah, what? MMM: What? AR: What made it tough? MMM: Words... AR: Words made it tough. You mean multisyllabic words? MMM: Yup. AR: I see. I suppose the real tragedy is that your parents gave you such a name. I mean, how are you supposed to even introduce yourself when your name has more than one syllable. I bet, that was a real challenge. MMM: Sure. AR: And you have a wife? MMM: Yup. AR: What's her name? MMM: Jane AR: Well, aren't you lucky? MMM: Yeah... AR: I can't even imagine what your pillowtalk is like... MMM: Mmm... AR: And, now you're running for President? How impressive can your platform be? MMM: Quite. AR: I mean, what's your position on abortion, for instance. Or on gay marriage? How do you defend the big mistake called FEMA? MMM: Well... AR: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I think that you should drop out of the race, because no right-minded American would vote for a person who can't even say the word politics. MMM: Damn... AR: Aha...did I hit a note? MMM: What? AR: Never mind. Listen, this is certainly entertaining conversation, but my chai tea latte is getting cold. So, why don't we just wrap this up with my final question? MMM: Shoot. AR: If you were to break out of your shell and begin living in our world, what would your first multisyllabic word be? MMM: Umm... AR: Never mind... I turned off my recorder, glared at Mr. Monosyllabic Man for a few moments, then got up to go. Mr. Monosyllabic Man didn't even follow my gaze as I exited the room. In my periphery, I saw him gingerly raise his cup to his mouth to sip his tea. |