Beltway

Beltway

dear Elliott,

This terrible darkness
woke me up last night.

It was so still and forever.

You're here with me this morning, sleeping
through the freezer burns
and the stereo.

This morning, I'm making a tape and
taking you for a ride with me.
I’ll be careful not hit the pot
holes. Safety first.

There's nothing left in me
but the rubble of memories and
words words words...

Could you please stop singing now?
Could you please
be still?

*

Are you locked inside the earth,
tumbling and turning,
spreading your sick grin over
everything?

I know you’re not. You’re dust
like Adam…

like my mother.

You’re a million splinters of yourself.
You filter through me

like
air.

like oxygen thick with language.

I have a thought for you, Mr. Smith:
Good morning, Mr. Smith.
Forgive this frost.
Last night I had you out too late.

Forgive this sick blanket,
I am nothing else.
I am Hector.

My death kicks up the dust.

Around and around
like the moon or a million
moons.

Around,
circling, losing parts of me
on the dirt roads of this ancient city.

I look over to the empty seat and I see
you coming unglued, un-
raveling through the cabin of my car.

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh…

The cars around me are strangled without you,
and I swallow you down…

words, words, words.

I spin my chariot in giant loops
and look behind me to see the hero’s not
me, but you.

I’m the angry half-god, pulling you like a plow.

I press my foot into the dark morning,
flooding the chambers of my engine
with fuel.

I lift my hands from the leather reins
and let your body stumble to a stop.

It's a lesson to the others;

It's a promise to the earth...

This war never surrenders, never ends
without breaking hearts,

painfully
and without warning.