The Pain Following January 15th

On January 15th of this year (2005), my small town in UK suffered a dreadful loss, as a car carrying three of my friends crashed on one of our main roads.

The reason I'm writing this is to urge people to think about what they are doing. And to remind people that although you think it'll never happen to you, it can, and will at every oppertunity.

We all first heard about the accident due to the large number of police, ambulance and fire engines rushing through the village, and the main road was shut off. There were no houses on this road, so we had no way of knowing what was going on. I remember me and a friend walking down to where the road stopped, and her commenting that someone must have died for the road to have been completely shut off. As we didn't know for sure I wasn't bothered by it, and thought nothing more of it, after all, nothing could have happened to anyone I was connected to.

Later that evening we were going up to a friends house for a small gathering, and stopped off at the local shop on the way, where the friend I walked with earlier was working. We walked in and we could see immediately something was wrong. Naomi was standing thee, with a look of complete shock on her face. We asked her what was up, and she said "it was Bryan and Chris. They're both dead". Imagine our shock and horror as Nom completely broke down. These are two boys I've known all my life, Chris, an ex-boyfriend, we're a close community, everyone's friends with everyone. I personally refused to believe it. I told Nom she couldn't possibly know that, people were just guessing, but she said it was definately Bryan's car. Bryan passed his test the weeks before, after only learning for 7 weeks. We were all really proud when he passed. That night I spent in a kind of limbo state. I've always had the role of protector in my group, so it was me who broke the news to the rest of our friends, making sure they knew it was just speculation. I spent the night at my friends house when she broke down in tears. At three o'clock in the morning we recieved more news, Our friend Sully was also in the car, and was also dead.

The next morning it was confirmed, Bryans VW Polo had crashed into a LandRover, the Landrover passengers were being treated for shock, and Chris, Bryan and Sully were all pronounced dead on arrival. Our world had stopped.

The road had reopened on that Sunday, so a group of us went down to where the crashed with flowers and messages for the boys. Bryan was 18, Sully 17 and Chris 16. I was 16 at the time. As I said we were a close group of friends, and we walked down with Bryan, Chris and Sully's best friends, Ollie, Hawker, Jake and Ratty. Kelly - Bryans 2 year Girlfriend - was not seen at all that day.

At the crash site there was sand all over the road, to soak up blood. Bits of the cars were scattered across the road and there was a huge gash in the wall that the two cars had collided with. Everyone was in tears at that point except Ollie and Hawker, who were just in a state of complete shock. We were all hugging each other, not talking, just being there. The one thing I could never forget about that day was when Ollie bent down and picked up a piece of glass that turned out to be one of the lenses from Sully's glasses. To this day he has that, in his room, close to him at all times.

Later that night I saw Kelly for the first time. She had been drinking copious amounts, as we all did in the early days, just to get through it. I just sat by her, holding her leg, Just letting her know I was there. I'm a fairly strong Christian, and me and Kelly have long talks about Christianity. That night she asked me Why. Just that. She said "Why? How could this happen. You'd better have a good explanation for this" and I said, "I'm sorry Kel.". We spoke a little more about how she knew he had gone to heaven, and she just wanted to be with him, but there's nothing any of us could do for her.

The funerals were held one day after another. Most people had not gone back to college, but I felt I had to, to occupy my mind. I believe the only way I got through it was because i refused to let myself believe that they were dead, in my mind they had just moved away. I had to confront my avoidence, and I did several months later it was like losing them all over again. Sully's funeral was the first and hardest. Everyone cried the whole way through, Ratty read a letter he had written to the boys from all of us. They carried the coffin in to Eric Clapton, and out to Keane(somewhere only we know). As I turned to walk out after the coffin I saw Hawker, standing facing the alter sobbing with Ollie holding him. Another sight I know I will never forget.

All the boys were buried next to each other, so they're still together. The families coped amazingly well. Kelly is now one of my closest friends, and we still talk about Bryan often. A lot of the time she forgets he isn't around, and does those little flow questionaires in magazines on him (Yesterday we discovered he wasn't a high-maintenance boyfriend!). She keeps some of his belongings in her car, and had his name tattoed on her arm. We raised a lot of money to build a memorial for them in our town, so people in the future can't forget them. And one of the things that has made it even harder was the fact that by May, 11 people had died in the forest of dean. where we live. It's not a big place, but accidents continued to happen. 8 of those people were under 20 years old.

I'm now writing in September, and 4 more people have died, two more teenagers. Life here is getting ridiculous, at my college there is no one who didn't know somene who's died in a road accident this year. The first time I was brave enough to visit their graves was May, Just before our AS exams. It was then I had to face up to their deaths, and now I visit often. Chris was 17 in august, Sully's 18th birthday is soon. They gained a new neighbour in march, a girl named Gemma, who was 17 and died in a road accident.

The purpose of me writing this....I'm not sure why I am, just so people can know. So many people lose friends, but I always thought it wouldn't happen to anyone I knew, it can happen to anyone.

I recently started learning to drive, but am very edgy all the time, I cant stop myself from thinking that I could die at any time. Very pessimistic I know!

I just want people to think about what they are doing. So many people drive recklessly, and whats to gain from it? speed limits are there for a reason. Just be careful, and stay safe.

-Ellie Johnson (17)