 Comedy: May 01, 2019 Issue [#9516] |
This week: Gym Dandy Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.
-Mark Twain |
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Somehow, I've managed to maintain an exercise regimen for over one week (actually over four months now). It helps to people-watch at the gym. It helps even more to do so surreptitiously, because most of them could kick my ass. So far, I've identified a few categories of gym-goers, which I shall list here for your edification.
The Narciss-lift
 Probably the first thing you think of when you think "gym."
Always pumps weight in front of a mirror "to see his form."
Sees his form, for sure, and loves it.
The Wonder Woman
Read somewhere once that men, on average, possess greater upper-body strength than women on average.
Is on a personal mission to close the gender gap.
Is trying to get The Narciss-lift to notice her, but his heart belongs to another.
The Doesn't Need To Be Here
Weighs about 20 pounds.
Is really looking forward to the baby carrot she gets to eat for dinner.
If she can exercise for just 30 minutes more, promises self an extra baby carrot for dessert.
The Really Needs to Be Here
Obviously out of shape.
Actually, no snark here - keep it up!
The Resolute
Shows up on January 2.
Overdoes it.
Is not seen again until the following January 2.
The Omniphobe
Before using a machine, spends 20 minutes and 10 disinfectant wipes going over every exposed square inch.
When finished, gives the seat a quick swipe with a sweaty towel.
Hasn't had so much as a cold in six years, but is allergic to everything except water and quinoa, and sometimes even quinoa.
The Equilibrist
Exercises for 30 minutes, then weighs self on gym scale.
While (weight) > (yesterday's weight), repeat.
The Namaste Here A While
Camps out in the middle of the mirror in the stretching room.
Does yoga.
For five hours.
Have you seen other species in the gym? If so, let me know in the feedback section below! |
And now, some funnies to exercise your humerus:
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Last time, in "Comedy Christmas" , I talked about April Fools' Day.
Quick-Quill  : I have friends with children who love pranking. The kids posted on FB what they were doing to their father who is also on FB. What were they thinking? He went to the freezer and found his dripping underwear, putting them in the dryer. ZAP wife finds out and removes from dryer and re-wets then putting them back in the freezer. This went back and forth throughout the day. It was funny to watch the posts on FB.
I love funny video, my new favorite is a little 3 yr old encouraging her dog poopin' I know she's heard her mother's encouragement, while performing the same job. "Good job poopin" Now she's doing the same, patting the dog on the back.
The best thing is, "Good job poopin'" is great encouragement for any occasion.
And that's it for me for now - see you in a few weeks! Until then,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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