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Printed from https://writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/9516
Comedy: May 01, 2019 Issue [#9516]




 This week: Gym Dandy
  Edited by: Robert Waltz Author IconMail Icon
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  Open in new Window.

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.
         -Mark Twain


Word from our sponsor

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Letter from the editor

Somehow, I've managed to maintain an exercise regimen for over one week (actually over four months now). It helps to people-watch at the gym. It helps even more to do so surreptitiously, because most of them could kick my ass. So far, I've identified a few categories of gym-goers, which I shall list here for your edification.

The Narciss-lift

*Bullet* Probably the first thing you think of when you think "gym."

*Bullet* Always pumps weight in front of a mirror "to see his form."

*Bullet* Sees his form, for sure, and loves it.

The Wonder Woman

*Bullet* Read somewhere once that men, on average, possess greater upper-body strength than women on average.

*Bullet* Is on a personal mission to close the gender gap.

*Bullet* Is trying to get The Narciss-lift to notice her, but his heart belongs to another.

The Doesn't Need To Be Here

*Bullet* Weighs about 20 pounds.

*Bullet* Is really looking forward to the baby carrot she gets to eat for dinner.

*Bullet* If she can exercise for just 30 minutes more, promises self an extra baby carrot for dessert.

The Really Needs to Be Here

*Bullet* Obviously out of shape.

*Bullet* Actually, no snark here - keep it up!

The Resolute

*Bullet* Shows up on January 2.

*Bullet* Overdoes it.

*Bullet* Is not seen again until the following January 2.

The Omniphobe

*Bullet* Before using a machine, spends 20 minutes and 10 disinfectant wipes going over every exposed square inch.

*Bullet* When finished, gives the seat a quick swipe with a sweaty towel.

*Bullet* Hasn't had so much as a cold in six years, but is allergic to everything except water and quinoa, and sometimes even quinoa.

The Equilibrist

*Bullet* Exercises for 30 minutes, then weighs self on gym scale.

*Bullet* While (weight) > (yesterday's weight), repeat.

The Namaste Here A While

*Bullet* Camps out in the middle of the mirror in the stretching room.

*Bullet* Does yoga.

*Bullet* For five hours.

Have you seen other species in the gym? If so, let me know in the feedback section below!


Editor's Picks

And now, some funnies to exercise your humerus:

 Letters to my Past Self Open in new Window. [E]
A few short letters to different stages of myself.
by IMarie9008 Author Icon


 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 More Oracular Cookies Open in new Window. [13+]
More Wisdom from the Oracular Cookies! Listen and I will tell you more Wisdom!
by Captain Colossal Author Icon


 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 
Image Protector
The Calamity of Love Open in new Window. [E]
Allegorical and comical, I think.
by Fhionnuisce Author Icon


 The Return of Mr. Gummy Open in new Window. [13+]
A True Tale of Man vs. Nature vs. Quarterstaff
by ImpulseZip Author Icon


 Spamba Open in new Window. [18+]
Brazilian SPAM dancing; please rate limbo-stick low!
by Katya the Poet Author Icon

 
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Word from Writing.Com

Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
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Don't forget to support our sponsor!

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Ask & Answer

Last time, in "Comedy Christmas" Open in new Window., I talked about April Fools' Day.

Quick-Quill Author Icon: I have friends with children who love pranking. The kids posted on FB what they were doing to their father who is also on FB. What were they thinking? He went to the freezer and found his dripping underwear, putting them in the dryer. ZAP wife finds out and removes from dryer and re-wets then putting them back in the freezer. This went back and forth throughout the day. It was funny to watch the posts on FB.
I love funny video, my new favorite is a little 3 yr old encouraging her dog poopin' I know she's heard her mother's encouragement, while performing the same job. "Good job poopin" Now she's doing the same, patting the dog on the back.

         The best thing is, "Good job poopin'" is great encouragement for any occasion.

And that's it for me for now - see you in a few weeks! Until then,

LAUGH ON!!!

*Bullet* *Bullet* *Bullet* Don't Be Shy! Write Into This Newsletter! *Bullet* *Bullet* *Bullet*

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