 Comedy: February 20, 2019 Issue [#9388] |
This week: Food Fright! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Having seen my share of decades, I’ve seen and heard just about all, when it comes to food fanatic dos and don’ts. It was for our health, after all. |
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Back in the day, as a little tyke, I remember having sleep overs at my grandmother’s house. She was a lovely and gracious woman, who I adored. She taught me the finer points in life when it came to which coffee or tea was appropriate at which time. She was also very brand oriented. It had to be Maxwell House and only bought from a little variety store a couple blocks away. She insisted their cans of coffee were fresher than the bigger stores. The night of the sleep over, though, caffeine was not acceptable, so I’d be offered “Sanka” instant decaffeinated coffee, with milk and saccharin, because, “sugar bad,” “saccharin good.”
My mother also used saccharin for the same reasons stated above. Their fright and displeasure became very obvious when reports came out that saccharin is a cancer-causing agent in rats. Well, dayummm — stop giving rats saccharin! Before we knew it, shelves were cleared of any trace of saccharin and people were warned to ditch their supply, as well.
Later down the road, “Nutra Sweet” was born. Everyone was ecstatic over this amazing creation aimed at keeping the pounds off the body, because, “sugar bad” and “sugar substitute good.” We all know what happened to Nutra Sweet, it became “bad.” Many other brand names came out with their improved and “safe” version of a sugar substitute, but I didn’t care, I gave it all up. You can jerk this consumer around only so much!
Also, I grew up being told “margarine good,” “butter bad.” Lard was no longer considered safe, and was replaced with Crisco. Of course many half-butter blends came on the market trying to taste like butter. Well, butter tastes like butter, right? And butter is natural and found to be a better fat than those hydrogenated fats.
After years of this food is bad, and that food is good, and the very same foods and drinks, such as coffee, with or without caffeine, switch between being bad and good, I stopped listening to the health experts and decided to do what my body wanted. I raised my family with butter on the table. (No, it wasn’t so they could slide across the table easier.)
The very idea of butter being used nearly on a daily basis drove my mother to distraction, whenever she visited us. She scolded me over consuming butter, which is fattening. I told her margarine is fake, tastes ugly and has the same amount of calories. Then I was warned I’d get cholesterol. Well, admittedly, I do have that, and the body runs quite well on it, thank you very much. I have a lot of the “good cholesterol” and low counts of the “bad cholesterol,” and I enjoyed butter and bacon and even eggs. However, my mother would insist on buying her favorite margarine blend when we went shopping just so she’d have it for herself when she was at my house. She felt safer with it, more healthy.
Don’t even get me started on all those fat-free milk substitutes for coffee. That crap will clog the arteries quicker than heavy cream, with all those additives, stabilizers and artificial whatevers. They used to come in jars in powdered form and little packets at a coffee station. It was another trap many of my health conscious friends and relatives fell into to keep away from fat. They consumed foods that were fat-free and sugar-free on a daily basis. For some reason those were also the same friends and relatives who developed some of those health complications that I was warned would happen to me if I continued eating butter.
As I sit here, writing this newsletter, I am sipping my full, rich, caffeinated coffee with a bit of cream. And yes, it is indeed inside my Writing.Com mug. Also, it is nine O’clock. That’s p.m. not a.m. Wow, talk about testing the coffee- jitters gods! 
That’s all she wrote for this edition of The Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time, live a little, enjoy butter, eggs and bacon, but in reasonable moderation. Also, don’t forget to laugh. Last time I heard it was still “Good.”
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dragonwoman 
Ah, Karaoke! It's a wonder it's never been used as a form of torture. Most of the time I can carry a tune but not always. I'm of the hippy generation, folk music all the way!
Hey, hey, hey, a fellow Hippy! We'll just chill and let them do the song wrecking. 
Fivesixer 
It's no secret that I love karaoke!!  I can't sing either, but that doesn't stop me from wreckin' songs and the audience once I've had a few beverages!
 Somehow, Norb, I could picture you up on that stage singing your heart out. And you know what? YOU sound so much better than they did. So ... Karaoke on, my friend! 
papadoc1
Good Lord, Webbie! I was all prepared to FORGET that one unforgettable night, what with all the elders apparently imbibing Seagram's 7&7, Black Velvet, Smirnoff knock-offs and what-have-us. But SURE ENOUGH, no sooner had they begun singing that I noticed a sort of "look" fall upon your pretty face ... and it was not a pleasant one. Can bad singing KILL people?
Yes, yes, yes. Weblock here has bad hearing. HOWEVER, in THIS case, it is a GIFT.
Yes, indeed a gift in this case! You were preserved from the sounds that make the body cringe and the ears bleed.
Thank you for your feedback folks! We editors really appreciate it, and especially this one because tomorrow is MY BIRTHDAY!!! 
See you next month!
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