 Comedy: January 23, 2019 Issue [#9340] |
This week: Hari-Karaoke Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Hello there, folks! It is I, your local Comedy-Witch bringing you another fine, well-crafted issue of the Comedy Newsletter! 
Caution, this may be so real, you’ll need to wear brain-wave cancellation headphones! |
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With the holidays behind us, the social committee of the homeowner’s association had to come up with some interim entertainment in order to sell tickets. It’s what they do. I, on the other hand avoid the massive room filled with a hundred or more people planning to imbibe in adult beverages and then, attempt to sing! I’ll admit it right here and now, I cannot sing. I will not expose innocent humankind or even pets to my singing. Why do you think I get along so well with a certain WebLock who is hearing impaired? At least I can sing freely around him. Think of "I Love Lucy," every time she tried to sing, Ricky's eyes would grow wider and bulge out from the shrieking. Yeah, I'm kind of like that in the singing department. I thought anyone with Italian blood in them would naturally be able to sing. Not true, I'm afraid.  However, I digress. Back to the patrons of the show ...
Bless their happy retired souls over wanting to get out of their home and have a bit of social fun within the safety of our huge clubhouse. It’s close enough for a golf cart to be used, and it'is their favored means of transportation. I'd rather be doing my own thing in the clubhouse’ TV room. The furniture is soft and plush, and fits my needs handily --free Wi-Fi!. Most of the time, the banquet room’s doors are closed. However, they sometimes open them up for more air circulation, because when you get nearly a couple hundred people together for an event, the air conditioning doesn’t seem to have the ability to keep up. Add adult beverages, and those people are getting hotter.
Now, it’s not that I am antisocial or anything like that —not at all! I do my socializing in different ways with smaller groups of people, whether at the pool, or playing pool, or having our own self-dubbed,“Westies” pizza night by the clubhouse TV. Plus, it’s much easier for WebLock whose deafness prevents him from attempting to go to any event where music is played and people are trying to converse around the tables. However, we do enjoy watching them sashay down the long hall toward the restrooms. As the night goes on, those walls sure come in handy by offering something solid to hold on to, while making the trip.
This particular evening, the entertainment planned, that people spent money for tickets to attend, was them entertaining others. Yessssssss, folks! It was Karaoke Night!
We Westies are a small gathering of like-minded humor-oriented, independent thinkers, who’d rather sit in front of Svengoolie on Saturday night and enjoy a bite of whatever we planned. Also, the comfort of the sofas make it easy to put my feet up on the massive sofa-table with laptop on lap, and doing my writing, reviewing or even editing a newsletter.  The guys enjoy the campy and creepy grade-B shows, and I have my WDC community, some laughs from the show, and do accomplish so much in that spot. Did I mention Free Wi-Fi?!!!
At first, I heard someone singing and thought they hired professional entertainment. This guy was seriously good. Then, a woman began to sing, and I figured it was a couple they hired. Little did I know what would follow for the next couple of hours.
 “Unforgettable, that’s what you are ...”
I’m sorry to report, I’ll never forget that rendition of the song.  Another brain worm strikes, and, I'm doomed with this one. Who could forget a song that says "unforgettable" throughout the lyrics?
“Respect”
You will have my undying “Respect” if you do the shortest version. Too late, I cannot unhear that. Think about that spot when Aretha Franklin hits that high note with a yell out during the song that makes us want to get up and dance along with the Blues Brothers. This was not one of those moments. I wanted to howl out, but more like a wolf baying at the moon.
Then there was a couple of reasonably okay singers who could almost hold a tune right to the end.
A few moments later, a couple ladies did the restroom walk down the long hall, singing along with the song currently running in the background and singing and dancing along with the current peep up at the mic.
Wow! A bonus accompaniment with a couple background singers! Could the night get any worse? "Don't ask WebWitch."
 “I Will Survive!”
No! I won’t! I think vibrations from the stage were reaching all the way back into the TV room and creating Arrhythmia. Not to mention the nails on the blackboard sensation that made me cringe.
Mercifully, that song ended. Another group of ladies and gentlemen headed down the halls. Let me just say, high heels and liquor do not make for easy walking. Three women formed a wall of strength holding on to each other while the lady at the end keeping one arm on the wall just to be sure there would be no slipping and falling. At least this time, one of them didn’t try to jump up on the sofa-table and do a dance. Yup, it happens. I believe that woman is recovering nicely from her hip-replacement. And, no, it wasn’t me. 
“Too Good to be True”?!!!
Words cannot do justice to just how wrong this was. By now, my poor ears started to bleed.
Finally the end was almost near. It was getting on to 10:00 pm, when the event was scheduled to end. I breathed a sigh of relief, turned to get WebLock’s attention and said, “You have no idea how lucky you are that you couldn’t hear any of this."
He replied that “Deafness does have its good points.” 
That’s all she Caterwauled for this edition of The Comedy Newsletter!
Until next time — laugh hard, laugh often!
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Yep, male vs female. How does the song go... "anything you can do, I can do better?"
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From a previous Newsletter: "Comedy Newsletter (November 28, 2018)"
willwilcox
What a cute story! What I remember about going to church is when my mom would give me money for the collection plate and I would keep it to buy candy. Now my teeth are rotting out. Who knew? *headroll*
Ahh, the old rob from "Peter" to give to Peter Paul! Were you an Almond Joy guy or Mounds?  Asking for a friend. 
Feedback from my December Newsletter: "Comedy Newsletter (December 26, 2018)"
Christopher Roy Denton 
I heartily apologise for reading this newsletter in bed since I'm enjoying my Boxing Day here in England. 
Well, dream on, Robert! And may your boxes always be full!
Dominique 
I'm jealous!!! I've never heard of this and if I have, I'm sure I brushed it off as assuming Boxing Day was related to the sport which I would care nothing about. Wow, America get on your game! We're the most greedy and spoiled country of all... of course we should have a Boxing Day! hahha I for one have many many boxes to get rid of and things to clean the day after Christmas. I think my poor 72 year old father was ready to have an aneurysm when he saw how many boxes he needed to somehow get to the recycling center. I don't care if that's not what the holidays about... we need one! hehe
Hey, I'm with you, kiddo, we do need a similar holiday!
Sand Castles Shopgirl 739
I found your newsletter both entertaining and informative. I had some curiosity about Boxing Day but for some reason never pursued an explanation. As for the filming locations of Hallmark's movies, I did not know that. As an avowed holiday movie junkie...I should be somewhat ashamed. Thanks for an interesting newsletter!
It was my pleasure! Thanks for the feedback. 
Thanks folks, for all your feedback. We editors really appreciate it.
See you next month!
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