 Comedy: November 28, 2018 Issue [#9246] |
This week: Clips, Tips and Memory Lane Trips Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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With December and holidays fast upon us, I feel the nostalgia of days of yore. |
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I hope all of you enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving. It was a very busy one for me, this year. I had the sudden urge to cook for a dozen friends at my Southern Comfort Home. A very dear friend wanted in on the cooking train with an offer to combine both of our kitchen’s holiday cooking, roasting and baking delights to create a feast beyond any other seen in these parts of the community. I made 2 turkeys which added up to 42 pounds of turkey! My friend made a ham about the size of a small turkey and tons of great accompaniments to go along with the ham. Each guest brought a dessert dish, side dish or wine, along with them to add to the bounty. Needless to say, a good time was had by all. We even had a couple Canadian friends join in on the American holiday. One of them announced that they borrowed the whole Thanksgiving holiday from USA, because they needed a holiday before Christmas. They celebrate it in October, which makes sense to me, as Canada gets pretty cold much earlier in the season, so October is a good choice for a holiday before Christmas, in Canada. They made several pies and about two gallons of whipped cream. 
Thank you Martha Stewart!
Christmas preparations are now underway. Since there is no need to go on a hunt for the perfect tree, having saved my Martha Stewart artificial tree from a close dumping, last year, due to her tired looking lights, of the ones that still worked. Thus, we ignored the lights that came with the tree several years back, and bought fresher looking LED lights that were whiter, brighter and made for a lovely backdrop for newly purchased decorations. Ol’ Martha got a new face lift and I decided she could last a few more years. Thank you Martha! All those tips and doctor’s office “Martha" magazines, actually gave me ideas on ways to renew a tired, outdated faux-fir, and save bunches of money on having to purchase a newer, updated artificial tree. It’s a good thing!
God’s Up in the Chandelier! 
We kids were brought up Catholic and attended Catholic Mass each Sunday with our parents. When I was quite young, but old enough to understand that my Sunday mornings were no longer my own, I questioned the need to sit on hard wooden benches that smelled like shellac. I guess I thought that’s why they were called “pews,” because they stunk so much. Also, since I hadn’t had my start at Parochial school, yet, being I was of Kindergarten age, and it was not available at Catholic schools, yet, as Kindergarten was not required back then, I had to learn from my parents and grandparents about God being in church, and I had better behave myself, because “He” was watching me. Each Sunday I went to church and spent most of the Mass trying to find Him, since I was told He was there and watching me. Looking for God made the time pass by quicker, since I found the Mass boring, and couldn’t understand the words coming out of the priest and congregation’s mouth. They spoke in some strange code that I thought only adults could understand. Later, when I was old enough for Parochial school, I found out the mysterious “code” was called Latin.  However, back then, I just remembered the priest mentioning something about dominoes forbids gum . (No, not the pizza delivery one. The Dominus vobiscum, one) I did not understand who Dominoes was and why he forbids gum. Interestingly enough, somewhere in my childhood I came across a box of dominoes, and didn’t understand why those tile pieces didn’t like gum, either. 
Then, one shining Sunday Mass moment, in my pursuit to find God, somewhere, anywhere in that church, and feeling like a total outcast. I had to be the only one who had not found Him yet, and that probably contributed to my not being able to understand the strange code words spoken there. I feared I would spend the rest of my life without seeing God. When I asked my mother again, before attending church one Sunday, “Where is God? I don’t see Him anywhere, and I’ve looked all around the church every time we go.” My mother explained that even if I don’t see Him, He can see me, everything I do, and think — He knows. So, I’d better behave during Mass. God lives up in Heaven, and when I’m at church, He’s looking down at me.
The next Sunday, I sat in my pew, and thought about what my mother told me. If God looks down, maybe I should look up. That’s what I did, folks. I looked up at that cathedral’s ceiling, and noticed a huge pendant-shaped chandelier. That was impressive enough, but no where near as impressive as the discovery I made. Inside that light was God himself, and indeed He was staring down at me! I couldn’t control my excitement and with my finger pointing toward the ceiling, right in the middle of the ringing bells and incense, and Dominoes forbidding gum, I yelled out, “I found God!” There was instant laughter around me, and a silent pause at the altar.
My mother looked down at me half-shocked and half embarrassed at my outburst in church. Then her gaze followed my pointing finger to the chandelier. She couldn’t see God and told me to be quiet. I insisted again that God was inside the light.What I interpreted as a tiny figure-like shadow with the appearance of arms and legs pressing against the tinted glass of the chandelier, was actually the inside fixtures for the light bulbs. They were the chandelier’s interior “arms” and the light and shadows and my perspective, made it appear to be a tiny figure of a man, pressed against the glass.
For a while thereafter, I believed I was the only one who saw God, and He came to church each Sunday just to watch me, and only me.
Yes folks, this is the time of year when our childhood memories find their way into the mind’s eye, bringing holiday images of our youth.
May all your memories be bright. And may you celebrate your holidays through the eyes of the kid inside you.
Happy Holidays, folks!
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Whata SpoonStealer 
What the heck is a red tide? Hmmm. Pollution? Anything like acid rain? Remember that, in the 80s? How long have you been in the states btw? Well, one day when you've had your drink (maybe), soak (man that sounds soooo good for the hips!) and a rest, let me know.
I wondered how peeps in the areas of the storms were doing. Crazy! Have fun 
Adrie
Hey there, Adrie! I'm well hot-tub-soaked and tanned since the trip.  I travel from New England to Florida in the fall, and back North again in the late spring. 
Red Tide is caused by algae that gives off toxins. Information below explains the cause and damage it can do. On a good note — it has left our beaches. 
https://shar.es/aavnMN via @LiveScience
BIG BAD WOLF is Merry 
Moving is always a hassle - moved 3 times but the address has been the same, as I just moved to the trailer next door.
It is, for sure, BBW.  My trip is a bit longer a couple times per year, however, any type of moving, whatever the distance is indeed a hassle. 
papadoc1
Now now, WW, now now. I think as I read this breaking news-quality of a NL that indeed, you made many major points on your trip down South and all is fine and dandy. So glad you managed the entire way without either Red Tide or Roll Tide or other pernicious happenstances preventing you from your FINAL destination!
Oh! By the way, what was that guy's name again? The one in the Driver's Seat?
Final Destination ... Sounds so final. Creepy series of events, especially Final Destination 2! But, if you meant getting to the Florida Southern Comfort home unscathed -- yup that worked out well.
What guy, where? Oh, yeah, the one in the driver's seat — well, that was, ahhhh, uhmmm, ...
Don't tell me, it's right on the tip of my brain synapses ... 
Thank you for your feedback, folks. It's really appreciated.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Holidays to all!
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