 Comedy: July 11, 2018 Issue [#8991] |
  Comedy
This week: 404 Error Sleep Not Found Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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I know I cannot be the only one us who relive our entire lives, each night, just as we close our eyes and feel the wave of slumber entering. If you’re like me, you start off relaxed, hopeful of sweet dreams, and then BAM! Your eyes open, your brain is on alert, your thoughts become more critical about choices made or things spoken, decades ago. Then the critical thinking begins, all the what-iffs, the possibilities if only this were done rather than that.
Well, it seems that the old insomnia has returned of late. I find that three o’clock in the morning is my get out of bed time, go downstairs, check the huge kitchen clock just be sure of the time. I try a sip or two of wine. Yeah, yeah. Don’t judge. I know I’m not the only one who partook of the grape a little late or early depending on your point of view about time. I try to relax, turn on the radio, expecting to hear some upbeat music, but there was no music. Earlier that day, I played with buttons. Every time I try to find a particular station and lock it in for ease of getting it back, I manage to hit a button that sets the alarm clock. Seriously? I don’t want my Bose Wave to wake me up, that’s what my cell phone does on the very rare occasion, since I plan my appointments for later in the day, because, I do not go to bed early. Well, actually that’s wrong, I do go to bed early -- early in the morning. However, I digress. I turn on the radio and hear about the worst things that happened during the hours from the time I got my evening news fill.
Now I’m thinking about some disaster striking somewhere, while I sit on my patoot and sip wine at three-freakin’O’clock in the morning. The good thing is, my original issues that kept me awake are forgotten, replaced by more critical, in the moment situations. Curious as to the progress, I turn on the TV to see if it’s been resolved and nobody told the radio peeps yet. Darn,now it’s worse. I see it live, playing out on my TV. All the people pointing fingers, the flashing lights fill the streets. It’s not in America, but I’m still feeling alarmed for those citizens.
No! I must shut this off! I tremble with the remote control in my hand, close my eyes, have another sip of wine. Finally, my finger takes control of the remote control “off” button. Phewwww, glad that’s over, at least until the news that would surely be replaying it for the next twenty-plus hours.
I spent fifteen minutes sitting in the dark, TV and radio off, but that wasn't working, so I found myself looking for things that would make me chuckle. After all that bad news, I checked out some social media and found jokes and memes. I guess many others couldn't get to sleep tonight, either. I figured that I'd choose memes if I couldn't have dreams. That seemed to work. I felt all the worries and questions jumbling in my brain earlier that night when I tried to sleep in the first place, had appeared less important. Finally, I felt the very real urge to close my eyes, and this time to actually sleep. I headed back upstairs, climbed into bed and under the covers feeling at peace, not even remembering what the stupid brain worm was that I had earlier, which kept me from lulling off to sleep. Ahhh, sweet serenity, that sensation of a dream was advancing into my subconscious, placing a warm smile on my face. 
  Bam! Now I remember what was keeping me awake! 
And to add a bada-boom. Drum roll please ...
“What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?
Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.”
That’s all she snoozed for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. 
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often!
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Christopher Roy Denton 
That's an awfully complex way to get out of eating your greens. You should copyright it and then sell it to elementary school kids! 
Nah! I love my veggies. I'm just really sensitive to consuming poisoned veggies.  Thanks for the feedback, Robert! 
Monty 
I am continuing with a smile on my face WW and a warning, watch what you eat.
I always do, Monty. 
Quick-Quill 
At first I thought you had succumbed to food poisoning and was being funny about being alive. Then the humor kicked in. I laughed out loud. Good thing I have my own office. Great job!
Thank you, Tina! I'm pleased you enjoyed it. Congratulations on your shiny new blue case! 
Thank you for your feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it.
See you next month!
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