Comedy: November 15, 2017 Issue [#8601]
<< November 1, 2017Comedy Archives | More From This Day | Print This IssueNovember 29, 2017 >>

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Comedy


 This week: Power!
  Edited by: Waltz Invictus Author IconMail Icon
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Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
         -Abraham Lincoln

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.
         -Edgar Allan Poe

The power of imagination makes us infinite.
         -John Muir


Word from our sponsor



Letter from the editor

Some years ago, I got a letter from my power company. I knew it wasn't a bill, so it had to be an ad, but I was bored so I opened it anyway.

The gist of the ad flyer was this: Buy our whole-house generator so you have power in the event of an outage!

I flung the ad away, shocked. Shocked, I tell you. Your job, Power Company, is to make sure I never freaking need a generator! I'm sure as hell not going to PAY you for being incompetent.

To be fair, they're not actually incompetent. I can rely on my power over 99% of the time.

The problem is, the other 1% of the time, I'm left without internet. To me, this is like being without water or air: I simply can't survive long. And battery backups are good for about an hour, while the average outage lasts over three hours. The math just doesn't work. And one time, a hurricane blew through here. I'm pretty far inland, so we don't get those too often, but this one knocked out power for nearly a week. Fortunately, I'd spent most of that week in oddly hurricane-free Myrtle Beach, so all I had to deal with was the rotten food in the fridge, which is business as usual.

Well, when I got that long-ago ad from the power company, I wasn't in a position to afford such a generator. But now, having been narrowly missed by at least two hurricanes this season, I decided: I want infinite power. I need infinite power. As I am not an immortal being with a big chin and an Infinity Gauntlet, the closest I can get is getting a home generator installed.

But not from the power company. Those guys are the problem, not the solution. I went with a private contractor.

So, now, they've hooked my infinite power supply to the city's natural gas lines. Next time the power goes out: Fwoosh! Lights and internet while my stone-age neighbors are blundering about with torches.

Now I just need to figure out how to avoid abusing my newfound power...

On second thought, nahhh.


Editor's Picks

Words have power. Here are some:

 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 Habit Open in new Window. [13+]
A petty habit overplays several others.
by Joshua Alan Lindsay Author Icon


 Hearing Hour Open in new Window. [13+]
Rocking like a hurricane in the Hamilton Municipal Court arraignment hour.
by carryback Author Icon


Image Protector
Doughnut Saga Open in new Window. [E]
A humorous poem written for Newbies Poetry Contest - August
by Choconuts Roasting Author Icon


 Unanswerable Open in new Window. [13+]
I quick sonnet about the depression that often marries a crossword puzzler
by Than Pence Author Icon


 Everything is Blue! Open in new Window. [13+]
A poem about a boy who wakes up and finds that everything is blue.
by Multiman Author Icon


 The Person and the Fly Open in new Window. [E]
A light-hearted story inspired by a sleepless night caused by a loud, buzzing fly.
by Yeap Author Icon

 
Submit an item for consideration in this newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form

Word from Writing.Com

Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
         https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form

Don't forget to support our sponsor!

ASIN: B07K6Z2ZBF
Amazon's Price: $ 4.99


Ask & Answer

Last time, in "Cooking with ComedyOpen in new Window., I talked about trying to eat healthy meals.


River Author Icon: Hilarious, and I can identify.

         Yeah, I figure almost everyone eats, so at least some readers would relate.


Mumsy Author Icon: Carrying a stack of pizzas could be considered exercise . . . especially if you have an obstacle course involving kitties winding around and between your legs while doing so.

         That's also a way to set up some comedy gold.


BIG BAD WOLF is Merry Author Icon: Sometimes weightless takes a while - lost 30 pounds over the last two years, at about a pound per month. For instance, having a small pop instead of a large (and not getting the refill), or even a water instead, can help you. Or, if you go to a buffet, start off with something like a Spring Mix salad, which has 3-5 different varieties of lettuce and spinach mixed together with several different colors and shapes, which I find more appealing than just the generic salad mix of iceberg lettuce, and sliced carrots and red cabbage, although I'll include that. Then it's just being smart about what you want.

         Yeah, I never drink that kind of soda anymore. It's all Coke Zero for me. Unfortunately, no one makes diet beer. As for buffets, no, me and buffets don't get along.


justsonali: This was an amazing newsletter!
[SUBMITTED ITEM: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. ]

         Thanks, and thanks for the submission!


dragonwoman Author Icon: Have to say I'm with you, Robert! But as a diabetic with gastroparesis I can't eat a stack of pizzas anymore. Restricted to only cooked foods and fighting my overwhelming desire for carb overload, I don't eat much take out, delivery or restaurant food anymore.

         Hope you have it under control - I, too, have a thing for carbs. To me, bread is the only true food, and everything else is only there to add flavor. This can be a problem.


That's it for me for November - see you next month! Until then,

LAUGH ON!!!

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