 Comedy: November 01, 2017 Issue [#8573] |
  Comedy
This week: Bingo, Flamingo, We All Fall Down! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Hello folks! It is I, WebWitch, reporting from my Southern Command Center. It’s the land of fun in the the sun, swimming, fishing and catching up with the latest “community news,” and other such gobble-gobble. It means that the holiday season is creeping-up on us. |
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First of all, I want to thank my sweet Ruby, for getting us from New England to Florida, trouble free.  Along the way, we took a side trip to one of my favorite TV childhood places. Andy Griffith show’s own, “Hometown USA,” “Mayberry,” which is actually Mount Airy, North Carolina. I got all nostalgic as I entered Floyd’s Barber Shop, took pictures, got pictures taken, and Web-Lock even sat in one of the old time barber chairs from Andy Griffith’s childhood days. A couple shops down, Opie’s candy store was quite inviting, at least for WL, who has an incurable sweet tooth. We visited the Andy Griffith Theater, and watched an old police car bringing tourists through the town to catch all the attractions.
We took our time on the road, because we just don’t handle long hours of driving anymore. Yes, folks, Bup-bup-Buhhhhhhh! WW is starting the feel the aches and pains of the not so young, but will never admit to being older than middlish-age from now until I “kick it,” while tripping over my bucket list, so just get used to it, time of life. Four nights, five days on the road? Eh, it could have been worse. However, amenities such as an in-room whirlpool tub, help along the way. Ah, I know what your thinking. “WebWitch, you just wanted to spread out the the length of the trip so you could have a mini-vacation in between. Had you skipped “Mayberry” it wouldn’t have taken so long.”
Yes!  You got me, there.
We arrived during “bingo” night. WL stopped at the gate and proceeded to put the code number in, when we were beeped at, slid-past, and otherwise rudely line-jumped as we waited for our code to open the gate. You see, folks, some people take this bingo stuff seriously. I mean, as the gate begins to open and we are about to proceed forward, we were passed by cars to the right of us, who just couldn’t wait for us to put our car in drive again and go through the gate. They were on a right-passing roll, allowing the gate to remain open so long as it detected a vehicle there. A dozen bumper to bumper bingo boppers bypassed the code-pad and got through the gate, leaving us just enough room to actually attempt pulling into the line and getting to the gate ourselves. However, it proved to be futile. Yup, it was just too much time for the gate to react. So, back-up, Ruby, repeat code, and try again. This time, there were only five line-jumpers, and we did make it through the portal without having to enter the code, yet another time. One thing I realized that day for sure, although there are many things in life that I am willing to participate in -- bingo won’t be one of them. Nope, just can’t do it. And I was raised Catholic, where they called it “Beano,” and my mother and grandmother thought it was a fabulous community event that would raise money for the Parish. Plus, it sounded “more innocent to we peeps living near “Beantown,” than Bingo, which sounded non-Catholic.
“Why not give it a try, WebWitch? It’s harmless fun?” 
Harmless fun? Don’t get me started. The game starts at our community clubhouse at six p.m. Yet, there exists in this universe, serious bingo players who must arrive three hours before the game begins to claim their spot at the tables, have their properly chosen cards, a bag lunch and extra sweaters to throw around seats next to them to “save” them for their friends who will meet them there closer to game time. And the word around the pool, is, that it can be vicious!
I innocently asked Florida-vacationer if she tried Bingo at the clubhouse, figuring people of a certain age love bingo. She informs me, “No, I just can’t! I hate it. There are some ruthless people playing that game. They throw you out of a seat they claim belongs to them.
“I’ve had this same seat for the past five years. Everyone knows it’s my seat! You’re a visitor, what do you know?!!”
Whoa, that’s some heavy duty nastiness going on there. However, the weirdest bingo night ever, since I’ve resided in this community, had to be a couple years back. There were a couple teenaged girls in the workout room, which is connected to the main auditorium where bingo takes place. They were visiting an aunt and uncle, here, but were not accompanied by either adult. Thus, teens being teens, managed to work up a fracas rather than working out. They were loud behind the closed weight-room doors, and made it difficult for the players to hear numbers being called. A board member went to the room and told them to leave or have an adult present. The girls got pretty nasty at being requested to shove off, and yelled back at the old guy. He, and I must admit I was in the TV room, not the bingo room, but news travels fast, evidently grabbed one of the girls by the arm, and she cried out assault and battery, called her uncle on her cell, who then called the police. Now, the scene taking place at the front door with cops and angry uncle and a teen holding her arm crying about the injustice that befell her, was more interesting than the Hallmark Channel. Drama like this from the comfy clubhouse sofa, doesn’t come along everyday.
It turns out that some time later, news traveled throughout the community that a lawsuit was filed, the corporation paid off the offended parties, and everybody’s rent went up. Oh, the uncle sold his manufactured home on the lake and bought a brick and mortar home with a pool. And everyone's rent went up. See, lack of supervising young adults in your care can pay off! This was the second lawsuit threat of recent times. the previous one also left the community and bought a home, because a board member slapped her hand when she turned the radio servicing the pool, louder. Needless to say, they had to vote in less aggressive board members.  By the end of last winter, a holiday party, where people could bring their own adult beverages and snacks, while listening to the music, whether it was Christmas or most likely New Year’s eve, this person managed to be adult-beveraged enough to trip over the bike rack that has been in the same spot since the construction of the building, and never tripped-over before. You got it ... lawsuit, money, new house, up goes the rent.
Other items in the news:
We have a woman who hit 100 years old this past summer. She doesn’t play bingo. Nope, she plays pool, well, at least until her pool buddy passed away last year at the age of 91. She still plays bocci ball, card games and partakes in a bit of golfing. She was also driving herself around until a year ago. At that age, you get free door-to-door service to stores and appointments, so why bother keeping up the expense of a car? The Community threw her a little 100th birthday party in July, even though her birthday wasn’t for a month or so, because she was going to fly North and spend some time visiting family. This jet-setter is amazing! She doesn’t even look like a hundred, whatever that’s suppose to look like. However, people are shocked to learn of her age. She could easily pass for ninety.
Irma doth wreak its havoc on Florida:
The “WebWitch South,” residence, fared well. There is trim ripped off the carport and some downspout damage, but the inside had no damage. The hurricane sprouted up small tornadoes that sporadically hit one place leaving residences on either side untouched. It was our first time down since Irma, and from what we saw, some places really got ripped-up bad. We were quite lucky.
The person we lovingly refer to as “Flamingo Lady” lost her pink lawn-birds as well as her carport. We walked past her place the other day and noticed one lonely flamingo, lying on its side, beaten down from the storm. I don’t know why she sat their on a folding chair, in her roofless driveway, staring at the little pink body, but I guess it made her feel more at home to keep it there. Perhaps there will be an upcoming community-run “farewell flamingo” luncheon, as we all bid adieu to “Peppy.”
Having been here less than a week at the writing of this newsletter, Halloween is still ahead for me. My decorations were put up before I even unpacked half of my bags. It’s the way of the WebWitch, ya know. Priorities, cannot forget your priorities. Since this Newsletter will be in your mail on November first, I can still stretch out the spooky, creepy factor, because it’s the Day of the Dead, also known as All Saints Day. November second, is All Souls Day. I went to Catholic school, so we had a lot of special days to observe and always got the day after Halloween off because it was a Holy Day of Obligation. November third starts the end of Halloween, and begins death takes a holiday. Now, you can plan for Thanksgiving.
This hodge-podge newsletter is brought to you by a tired, traveled-out witch. And, lucky you! You will get me twice this month!  Yes, folks, I will see you at the other end of November.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Until next time, hang on to your flamingoes! And ...
Laugh hard -- laugh often!
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Monty 
Thank you for your News Letters Web Witch.
 Thank you for reading it, Monty. 
Fivesixer 
Didn't you just get back from Florida? Summer's over already??  I feel like my tan just started to really take and start poppin' on my skin ...first night it dips below 40° my tan's gonna hibernate again until June, but at least I'll be all pasty white as a ghost again in time for Halloween .
Yes, yes, YES! All of that. So sorry for your loss of tan, Norb.  My tan is returning... a lot! 
papadoc1
Getting together with your family.... with your siblings should I say ... is always a "plus" in my book! The food is always carefully prepared, carefully grilled, carefully everything! When one does it like that - from start to finish - its always neat, for nothing is rushed, no regrets about anything and... best of all... the expansive gardens await the "film" yet to be "exposed". (Did that come out right?  ) But nevertheless, we shall get to the very end of it all, no questions asked, for indeed - it was a swell time had by all, and yes, seeing your Aunt & Uncle, your brothers ... and their sons made it a wonderful, relaxing time for all!
 
Thank you for your feedback, folks! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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