 Comedy: August 23, 2017 Issue [#8453] |
  Comedy
This week: Packing Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.
-Marcus Brigstocke
Packing is my pet hate.
-Seal
Packing is always a nightmare.
-Stefanie Powers |
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I'm a professional procrastinator.
No, really; I get paid to procrastinate. Okay, no I don't. But man, wouldn't that be cool? "Yeah, we'll give you $500 for this article, but only if you miss the deadline."
I have considered organizing a procrastinators' convention, but never got around to it.
Usually, I submit these newsletters just under the wire. I have a recurring nightmare that The StoryMaster  will one day release the newsletters before the deadline, and my editorial will end in the mid
But seriously, this week I'm actually submitting a week early, because the deadline happens to fall on Eclipse USA Day, and I know I'll be too busy to finish up just before the deadline. Also, it'll be too dark. I am, of course, proud of myself for thinking ahead like this, though at the same time, I'll feel like something's off. I'll (hopefully) be there watching the moon cross the sun and thinking, "Boy, that's cool. But I feel like there's something I should be doing. What have I forgotten? Oh, yeah, eclipse glasses. Dammit."
Of course, by the time you read this, the eclipse will be over and done, and you'll be tired of hearing about it, if you aren't already. Unluckily, here in Charlottesville, VA, there will be only a partial eclipse, probably protested by Nazis (99% of them from out of town) who think it's some sort of Jewish conspiracy. Because Nazis aren't very bright. Like the sun eclipsed by the moon.
But I've wanted to see a total eclipse since as long as I can remember. Not for any mystical or scientific reason, but just because it would be cool. Sadly, since I've had the money and free time to pursue a celestial event of limited purview, the only total eclipses have been across Rapa Nui (Easter Island) and Svalbard. And I wasn't about to try to hop on those bandwagons. Also, Svalbard is cold enough without the moon blocking out the sun. Even people from Siberia look at Svalbard and go, "Nyet."
Fortunately, this time, the path of totality crosses the US, so I don't even have to fly. Unfortunately, as I said, it doesn't cross MY town. So I'm back on the road on Saturday, hoping to be somewhere near a clear spot to watch the eclipse from on Monday. It's Wednesday as I write this. Have I even started packing yet? Nyet.
Worst of all, I don't know where I'm going. While this is a normal thing for me on my road trips - I like surprises - it's not normal to not know where I'm going while simultaneously knowing that wherever I'm going, half the country will already be there. I figure somewhere in the Midwest would be ideal. No, I don't have reservations. If I made reservations, it would guarantee that there would be thick cloud cover wherever I go. Hell, every time I went to California during California's recent lengthy drought, it rained there. It even rains in Las Vegas when I go there, and that's a freaking desert.
So I'm going to play it by ear, and deal with the consequences. Maybe I won't get to see the eclipse due to traffic. That would tick me off less than if I didn't get to see it due to rain.
Regardless, I need to pack. I'm planning to leave around 8 am on Saturday morning, so I figure I have until 7:45 am Saturday morning to pack. Right? Right.
But at least I have my Pink Floyd and Bonnie Tyler ready. And that's something. |
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Last time, in "Customer Disservice" , I wrote about my anger-inducing experience with the local phone company.
Christopher Roy Denton  : Loved your telecommunications tragicomedy! Lol
I'm glad someone got a laugh out of it.
Quick-Quill  : I didn't find this comical. I've been on the same end of the company merry-go-round and there was no humor in the process. I can't even laugh now because reading your indecent just brings back mine and makes me mad again. I said I'd never buy from that provider, Berry's High Son. However, my hubby travels and the other providers were cheaper, but had less coverage. Here we are back in Berry's camp. I struggle to pay my huge bill but hubby's happy to call me and see my face while he's out on the road.
Sounds like a "Priceless" commercial.
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling  : Well, in one of Janet Evonovich's Stephanie Plum novels, our favorite female bounty hunter is trying to bring in a fugitive, who is having a dispute with the cable company - who are supposed to give him a new modem/box/whatever - and she, along with everyone else, sympathies with the poor guy, even calling the cable company "Those (word I ain't gonna say here)!"
But, she has to bring him in, and after a few run-ins, she gets the idea to bring Grandma Mazure over - Grandma house-sits, the fugitive gets his court day rescheduled, Stephanie gets her check, and when they get to the guy's place, cable has been fixed, and Grandma gets a date with said fugitive. Everyone wins.
Everyone wins? Must be fiction.
Monty  : There is so much truth in this News Letter it is not funny but a pleasant read.
Wow, I've been accused of a lot of things but "not funny" isn't usually one of them.
And that's it for me for August! See you next month. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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