 Comedy: December 14, 2016 Issue [#8026] |
  Comedy
This week: The War is Here Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
- Dave Barry
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
- Andy Borowitz
This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.
- Guy Endore Kaiser |
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In past years, I've mostly ignored the totally-made-up "War on Christmas." One exception was my Comedy editorial last December, which you can find here: "The War on Christmas" . In that newsletter, I made a plea for kindness and inclusiveness.
As usual, that didn't work out too well, since it appears that a large, vocal minority don't give a rat's tail for kindness and inclusiveness, and would rather politicize everything.
This is a problem, see: we're running out of safe topics for conversation. Everything's divisive, now:
"So how 'bout them Redskins?" "Hey, you know, they should really change that name."
"Sure is raining a lot." "Oh, yeah, definite proof of global warming."
"Wow, traffic sucks today." "Yep, we need to raise taxes to fix the infrastructure."
"Happy Holidays!" "Don't you mean 'Merry Christmas?'"
And for introverts like me, this is a problem. I don't know how to start conversations without pushing someone's political, religious, or social hot buttons.
So, I'm done trying. As I noted above, there's never been an actual War on Christmas. This is something that the propaganda mill made up out of thin air. All anyone wants to do in December, at least in the US, is wish people well, and it used to be the one month out of the year when most people seem content to live and let live; to acknowledge that while not everyone worships in the same way or celebrates the same things, people are people and deserve to have one nice day
| Well, except for that tool who took my parking spot. She can burn in hell. |
But, it seems, even that has gone out the window.
As with everything else, a few assholes have ruined it for the rest of you. The War is on. I'm done being nice, I'm through being tolerant, and I'm completely over being patient around the winter holidays.
Go have your Christmas or Festivus or Hanukkah or Yule or whatever. But forget about acceptance, tolerance or peace on Earth. It's obviously not going to happen. I'll just be over here drinking the true holiday spirits. Wake me up when winter's finally over. |
Just some funnies to make it through the War:
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Last time, in "It's Over!" , I rejoiced at the end of election season in the US.
As nobody saw fit to comment on said newsletter, I'll just take this opportunity to wish everyone a humor-filled holiday season. Until next year...
LAUGH ON!!!
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