 Noticing Newbies: November 09, 2016 Issue [#7968] |
  Noticing Newbies
This week: Show, not tell. Edited by: ~ Santa Sisco ~  
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Hello, everyone. I am ~ Santa Sisco ~ , one of the four permanent editors of the Noticing Newbies newsletter.
My aim is to ensure you have a smooth transition into the site. I still remember my first day here. "Bitem?" Do I have to be a computer programmer to put my writing on here?  Forty-eight hours later, I realized it was a case of easy when you know how!. My biggest mistake when I joined was that I didn't take the time to read the "Writing.Com 101" . I was excited and wanted to do everything the same day. Sound familiar? 
You will see my contributions every four weeks and I hope they help you with using this great site.
My fellow permanent editors are Tornado Dodger  , ember_rain, and Sara♥Jean .
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I wrote the first chapter of my novel when I joined WDC. The first review I received said I should show, not tell.
I had an idea what they meant but had to do a little research into this new concept. I am an avid fan of Robert Ludlum, you may have read his Jason Bourne trilogy. I looked for an example of showing not telling in one of his books and wasn’t disappointed. I looked through “The cry of the Halidon” and found a great example.
I guess the tell line would be, “A wave broke on the shore.” Ludlum’s show is a real picture generator in the reader's mind.
“The white sheet of ocean spray burst up from the coral rock and appeared suspended, the pitch-blue waters of the Caribbean serving as a backdrop. The spray cascaded forward and downward and asserted itself over thousands of tiny, sharp, ragged crevices that were the coral overlay. It became ocean again, at one with its source.”
Ludlum clearly sets the scene and gives the reader an image in their mind. Obviously, this example would be too long-winded if it were used in an action scene, so a small amount of telling can be appropriate.
While doing my research, I also found an article which I could really identify with. Remember, I was a complete novice at this stage. The article was by R. Michael Burns and covered the basics of show, don’t tell. A couple of examples he used, I still have on my writing notes beside my laptop. They are:
Tell - “Bob felt scared.”
Show - “Bob’s face went ashen. His breathing came in ragged gasps.”
Tell – “The man was well-dressed.”
Show – “The man wore an ash-gray Armani coat over a linen shirt, a red silk cravat Windsor-knotted at his throat.”
The latter example also takes away the ambiguity of what a reader may consider being well-dressed.
I find that I still write action scenes with a lot of tells. This is a natural way to write my first draft before I edit the chapter and remove the tells and replace them with a descriptive sentence or two. Some tells remain, as they show a sense of urgency in the action scenes. 
What to do now?
Consider revising an old story you’ve written with more emphasis on showing, not telling. Or, you can write a story or novel chapter with this in mind and surprise yourself with the results. Good luck!
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This week I have chosen a selection of poems from read a newbie.
Community > Read a Newbie
Selections:
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#2102078 by Not Available. |
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#2101984 by Not Available. |
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#2101943 by Not Available. |
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#2101941 by Not Available. |
| | | Insecurity (E)
This is a short poem that I wrote several years ago regarding insecurity.
#2101877 by Yellorose  |
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