 Fantasy: December 21, 2005 Issue [#794] |
  Fantasy
This week: Edited by: The Milkman  
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When writing your next comedy story, poem, essay or eulogy, keep in mind these quotes that I found in the "Toastmaster's Treasure Chest"...
A man shows his character by what he laughs at --- German Proverb
I think Comedy writing is also a good indicator of what kind of person you are. So please take into consideration who it is you are laughing at.
Laughter: The sensation of feeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot --- Josh Billings
You know he is right and the one spot to have it shown is right here in the Writing.Com Comedy Newsletter.
We like to hear people laugh, but not when we're chasing our hat down the street --- Author not listed
So write about chasing your Stories.Com baseball hat down the street and hopefully your reviewer won't say they laughed at you.
A pun is the lowest form of humor ~~~ when you don't think of it first --- Oscar Levant
My advice to beating your friends to the punnies, especially on Scroll... learn to type.
Lastly, and this tidbit will need no motherly advice from me...
No young man ever expects to grow up and be as dumb as his father --- Author not listed.
If you think you have what it takes to write humor, then you will want to check out this comedy inspired group held by my good friend melodyofmusic. I might even divulge a couple of my writing tips...
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Holiday Blues
The day after Christmas is the day so many parents and storeowners dread. Each group has their reasons for this black cloud over this festive occasion. Let’s change the order of how they first appeared in the first sentence. Shop keeps look toward this day with disdain because the majority of the unwanted gifts from everyone’s Aunt Martha and cousin Melvin are returned. The lines are long and ugly and most of the customers would rather have a refund than to have to wait in line twice.
Mother and father figures dislike this day because this is the first real day that all of those battery powered, noise-making, light flashing, under-the-foot, Scrooge making toys are in service. Under each adult breath there is a foul word and an unkind thought for that family member or friend who has evoked revenge on your visions of Chik-fil-A calendar. Of course while the children are playing with their toys you have to wait a week to be able to get the full effect of the calendar.
Serenity is not the generous portion of chicken between the buns of a fast food sandwich. (At least Bovine Bessie  is safe from the knifes, forks and bar-b-que pits of the world).
This year there will be no noise making toys for me, unless you count the moans and groans from anyone who sees me in my new boxer briefs, not that I’d be able to hear them any ways. It is just when you get to be my age those battery powered police cars and fire trucks don’t have the same aura of excitement as they once did. If you haven’t lived the best of lives you’ve probably seen the inside of a Sheriff’s car and wished that the siren and lights didn’t work.
Santa Claus is either a myth you perpetuate for thousands of kids at department stores and malls or someone who has taken you off the “Good boy and girl” list long ago. Now, if I still needed coal to heat with, I’d have to find a place to buy my own. The local petting zoo ruined your thoughts of flying or red-nosed reindeers just with the way that they contain these animals. They also won’t allow you to feed them carrots or celery.
Every December you dream of moving to 34th Street to partake of the Miracle put on trial by a non-believing lawyer. You try not to be visited by ghosts of your past, present or future by not saying, “Bah Humbug” and helping little less fortunate children with a “Toys for Tots” donation. You watch the story of a famous reindeer, a not so well known elf dentist, a silver and gold prospector and a bumbling Abominable save foggy Christmases from then on. You’ve seen more Blue Christmases than White and you’ve even seen the Heat and Ice Misers throw fire and snowballs at one another.
Happy Holidays to you and yours and don’t forget that animals are people too. Put a little something in a stocking for your Novello, Bessie or Jake.
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Red is
Christmas can even be bad for poets... Where did I put my lump of coal?
Orange is
This poem is about a holiday that happens after Christmas...lol
Yellow is
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Why do procrastinators make resolutions any ways...
Green is
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*wonders if the strategic finger spread method would make my editorials funnier...lol (Loyal readers please don't tell me)
Blue is
A story about Santa being caught kissing Mommy
Indigo is
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I guess this poem proves that everyone can find something to complain about during winter.
Violet is
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This most of kept her up all night...writing |
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