Romance/Love: September 14, 2016 Issue [#7854] |
Romance/Love
This week: Denial Edited by: StephBee More Newsletters By This Editor
1. About this Newsletter 2. A Word from our Sponsor 3. Letter from the Editor 4. Editor's Picks 5. A Word from Writing.Com 6. Ask & Answer 7. Removal instructions
I believe we're all in denial about the people we love. -- David Geffen
Are you in love? Not sure? Love is a very powerful feeling and to give into it leaves one open for great highs and great lows. So why do we deny our feelings? Or, better yet, why do we enter into a love affair and keep it secret? Does denial make 'love' that much more intense? What's the appeal of of denial and secrets?
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
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You see him every morning at Starbucks. He's tall, handsome, has eyes that sparkle, and a physique that you drool over. He usually gets there the same time you do. He always keeps it simple - tall drip, room for cream. You've even struck up polite conversation.
Let's face it, you're attracted to him. But is he attracted to you?
Denying your feelings/attraction for a person can lead to:
Obsessing over those feelings/attraction
Or you look for hints and clues in the other person's simple acts that he might be attracted to you.
Or you could stress out over whether or not he reciprocates your feelings.
Who needs that? Love should be positive. Denying one's feelings tend to makes one feel more negative than positive.
In romance, denying feelings leads to conflict, and conflict is a great source of storytelling. Not only that, when there's a "twist" and both parties embrace the attraction, the denial has made the acceptance that much 'sweetier.'
BUT 'WHAT IF' IT'S A SECRET?
Plenty of couples have carried on secret affairs. Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher.
So what's the appeal of keeping your love affair secret? Why do you do it?
Most of the couples I mentioned, wanted to keep it a secret because they wanted relationship privacy. They're public figures and they want to keep a bit of their lives private. I get that.
However, there are other reasons. One partner is in a committed relationship and not with the person they are having an affair with. After all, love isn't meant to be "hidden."
Some people keep it a secret when they don’t know where it's going. Some people may even be embarrassed to have other people find out they're in a relationship with YOU. (Personally, not cool)
I often found when writing romance, secrets and denial "amps" up or heightens the emotions between the lovers. Sure, love is a positive thing but it's a VERY intense thing when it's in secret. Again, secrets and denial also build conflict in writing romance and they're natural to the genre.
Just remember: Relationships thrive on (1) freedom, (2) commitment, (3) counsel and (4) support. Secrets and Denial only undermine that.
Question: Did you ever deny your attraction for someone?
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Your Romance/Love NL Editors:
Crys-not really here
Lonewolf
StephBee
Feedback from my 17 AUG 2016 Romance/Love NL - Destiny
Howler of the Moon Do I believe in soulmates? I think that they do exist, but they are more difficult to point out from a crowd of suitors.
Starr Phenix It's so strange, because what you've written about here is what the Universe has been telling me for a long time, now. Work on yourself and it will all fall in place. I'm trying!
STEPH:
StephBee is a 911 dispatcher for LAPD. Her latest romance novel, "A Princess is Always Right," is now available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble as an ebook and in print. Can Sophia save Nikola Tesla? A steampunk adventure romance!
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