 Comedy: January 13, 2016 Issue [#7415] |
  Comedy
This week: Dear Diary Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger.
-Confucius
The worst thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government.
-Henry Ward Beecher
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
-Winston Churchill |
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January 1, 2016
Since I made a New Year Resolution to write stuff down, well, here I am. Jeremy says tomorrow we'll be going bird watching. I said not bird hunting? And he said no, but get your guns ready just in case.
It's a little cold to be bird watching, so I'll need to bring a scarf too, I think.
January 2
Well. Here we are at the bird place. There are more people than I expected. They're talking about the government, though, not birds. Maybe tomorrow I'll just go for a walk with my binoculars and .357.
January 3
Couple dozen people here now, some with kids. Bunch of people with cameras and stuff down the road, too. Jeremy said I shouldn't go out today, just "hang tight." He said we're not supposed to shoot anything, but then why does everyone have three or four guns? Wayne has an AK-47. I seen it myself.
I'm starting to think this might not be about bird watching after all.
January 4
Apparently I'm a member of Citizens for Constitutional Freedom now. I wonder what happened to Concerned Citizens for the Constitution?
I saw Wayne cleaning his AK-47 today. He was stroking the barrel like... well, he was stroking it. And he had this strange look on his face. Then he saw me looking and turned all red.
January 5
Jeremy said we'd leave if they asked us to. But I saw the sheriff out there asking us to leave. But the big guy told the sheriff to F off. Only he didn't stop at F.
I think I saw a bird today, but I don't know what kind it was because it moved pretty fast.
January 6
Wayne caught me coming back from the outhouse today. He said if I told anyone what I saw the other day, he'd show me his AK-47 up close. I think he thought I'd think that was a bad thing, but I sure wouldn't mind getting a look at that gun.
Jeremy said he wasn't sure what was going on, and that he'd sent out emails asking for food. I said why don't we just go get food? And he looked at me all funny.
January 7
Turns out what they really want is the land. I don't know why, really. They've already got a lot of land. And what would happen to the birds?
January 8
I miss my sheep. I hope they're okay.
January 9
Tried to leave today, but some guy I didn't know made me turn around. Starting to stink in here, and we can't open the windows because it's still freezing out there. Wayne keeps looking at me funny, but at least he wasn't cleaning his gun today. I'd clean mine, but turns out I forgot to bring ammo so what's the point? |
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Last time, in "The War on Christmas" , I fired a few volleys in the War on Christmas.
Just an Ordinary Boo!  : Over here, in India, which is a mishmash of holidays not just due to different faiths, but also due to some people following the lunar calendar, some depending on declarations from their sectarian Head, it's even more confusing. We have more than half-a-dozen designated New Year's days! (And they change from year to year!)
So, to be on the safe side - "Season's greetings" pretty much covers it! And yep, you have the *grunt*-ers and *snarl*-ers anywhichway - I just ignore them! Their loss!
Ah, a diverse culture - all the more reason to celebrate!
Red Writing Hood <3  : I feel for you. I have people in my own family that fail to understand that "Happy Holidays" is in no way a threat to, let alone a war on, Christmas. Have a wonderful week, and a happy holiday!
And a happy mid-January to you!
Arakun the twisted raccoon  : I couldn't agree more! Happy Saturnalia!
That's Io Saturnalia! (It's pronounced "yo," which is pretty awesome)
Whata SpoonStealer  : Ah ha ha ha. Well said! A good reminder that the spirit of the holidays is usually well-intentioned. People, on the other hand, sometimes aren't. Attitude counts! ~Whata
The best part about the holiday season, for me, is that people generally feel obligated to hide their assholery and douchebaggery behind a facade of joy and well-wishes. Hey, I appreciate the attempt. They should try harder, though.
Ren the Klutz!  : If you find any of those tools, let me know, I'll be more than happy to add a little extra wrath on your behalf ~ NOT that you need any help, but hey, what are friends for? 
Helping me hide bodies.
Quick-Quill  : just a note. With out Christmas in its purest form, the birth of Jesus, there would be no holiday, there would be no love in the world and there would be only a mess.
No other holiday out shines or had impacted the world like the birth of Jesus. Whether you believe in him or not, you have been impacted by his birth. I home some day you will understand the meaning behind Merry Christmas.
Wait, we don't have a mess now? Anyway, the origins of a winter solstice rebirth and light celebration stretch back to way more than 2000 years ago, and so does love. This is what is meaningful to me - a common thread binding most of humanity. Also, beer. Beer is meaningful to me too.
Happy Spring : This was too damn funny!! I hope you put it on face book for the all the idiots out there.
I am Christian and my hubby is Jewish. Happy Holidays :)
Nah, too many idiots on Facebook.
And that's it for me for January - see you next month for yet another Singles Awareness Day Edition of the Comedy Newsletter! Until then,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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