 Comedy: December 30, 2015 Issue [#7387] |
  Comedy
This week: The Big Yawn Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Time to un-deck the halls, sweep up the pine needles, order extra garbage pick-up service and chill the champagne, to welcome 2016! |
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Hello, folks! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, happiness through your holidays, and a merry-good Solstice.
As the year winds down, we are comforted by the thought that we made here. Yes, we survived another year, unless we manage to screw it up within the next couple days, that is. I mean, what more can happen within the next two days? Never mind, don't ask!
Thinking back at Christmases past, I remember being the recipient of one of those annual Christmas letters. I'm sure many of you know what I am talking about? You get them yearly from a friend or relatives? Yeah, I see you rolling your eyes and nodding. I dub it "the big yawn!" Heaven forbid you are one of those well-intentioned people who actually still send them!
"Hello my dear friend or niece, or cousin, etc,
I hope this past year has found you and yours in good health and blessed with much happiness."
Then the letter goes on in detail explaining the wonderful life she and her family has enjoyed over the year, the trophies won by Junior, in soccer, the new car, the adopted dachshund, the repainting of the house and ... well you get what I mean.
It seems the letter gets longer each year, thus, making the cost to mail more prohibitive, leading into it being shipped sometime in min-November via, bulk-rate, or whatever is lower cost than third class, if one exists, so that it arrives in time for Christmas; because everyone knows you're not busy enough during the holidays, you must now attempt to sit down and pore through the letter because you know darn well there will be a "pop quiz" after the holidays when dear cousin calls you and uses language that is a bit cryptic if you hadn't already done your Christmas letter homework. 
Okay, so I don't mind terribly when the large manilla envelope arrives, but I do mind when I open it up in haste and in a frame of mind of "let's get this over with," and release Christmas sparkles, confetti and fairy dust thrown inside for good luck. Now, I've got to vacuum for the next three weeks, twice daily, because we all know how difficult it is to get hold of those mirror-type confetti snowmen and X-Mas tree shapes from the nap of the rugs.
First I get resigned to what needs to be done in the days or weeks following Christmas while I am reminded that my New Year is already cursed by the friend who thought this would be a memorable and cute gesture, and then I have to deal with the pictures. Yes, folks, twelve months of photos of hubby, granny, sis and bro, their kids and pets. Yes, they are adorable, but signed 8x10 glossy pictures? That's a bit over the top, don't you agree?
What to do with all those expensive prints once you thumbed through them at a speed arthritic fingers cringe at the thought of? You file them away, of course! How could I throw little Johnny's image captured in mid-jump on his trampoline? Love went into this entire package, weighing 4.5 pounds of letter, pictures and glitter-fetti. Oh, puhleeeeeeeeeze! Over it! Into the best filing system I know -- "Waste Management."
Besides, if you were faced with the boring holiday letter this past Christmas, you could always share this newsletter with the offending party. Non-nonchalantly of course! Print it out, leave it in a conspicuous place, and apologize for letting it slip out in front of the author, with the poor excuse that you were harassed into having to do a review on this item, and it has nothing at all to do with dear friend or cousin. "Wink-wink." Let that sink in for a while. I bet you'll never get another one of those letters again. You can thank me next year. 
However, we all have our own ways of handling these things. So, let's put all this year-end long-letter torture behind us and concentrate on bringing in the New Year! May you all have a very Happy New Year, good health and pleasant surprises along the way.
Not to be outdone by the aunt, cousin or friend in the long letter department, I leave you with this link. I actually dare you to read this through to the end. Let me know in the "Feedback" section of this newsletter, if you did completely read it, or, if you started to read it and then used the "cheater" method of listening to it on "You Tube," or, you neither finished reading nor cared to watch it performed. How did you "score" when you -- yeah you know who you are, jumped right to the punchline?
Can't wait to find out!
http://longestjokeintheworld.com/
What? You won't have the time to read all of this? There's a "cheater" version ... https://youtu.be/4xlFWRphX6o
See you next year, folks!
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Sooooooooooo, did you read the Longest Joke in the World?  I'd love to have your input on it.
Feedback from my last Newsletter, "Comedy Newsletter (December 2, 2015)"
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! Great newsletter - I loved your descriptions of the sales and the crazy customers! I know lots of people who're buying online rather than in actual stores. I wonder if department stores will go the way of bookstores and disappear as more and more people shop online. Happy Holidays! 
~ Laura
The numbers came in much higher than last year's regarding Christmas shopping online. It is becoming more popular and less frazzling on the nerves. Physical stores will need to keep up with the times, as far as online services. However, we all know the downside of it -- possible job losses. I still love bookstores, so I hope they remain around. Love the feel and scent of a new book.
Happy New Year, Laura!  
Quick-Quill 
You are the trickster. I feel sorry for Pat. He's still wondering if you were putting him on or serious.
Oh, poor Pat!  I imagine he has had many virtual customers "just looking." They know they will only get one sale in hundreds or more visitors to the site. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Happy New Year, Tina! 
Thank you for all of your feedback, folks. You made my year!
See you in 2016!
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