 Comedy: November 18, 2015 Issue [#7326] |
  Comedy
This week: Critters Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the problem.
-A.A. Milne
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
-Winston S. Churchill
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
-Mark Twain |
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Well, the news sucks, doesn't it? Usually does, but sometimes, it just gets overwhelming. But hey! That's what comedy is for. Some may find it inappropriate to laugh in the midst of all the horrible things happening, but we know better, don't we?
We know that laughter is sometimes the only appropriate response to tragedy. Otherwise, our minds might just snap under the pressure.
And so we turn from the world of women and men, and look to those who can provide the most wisdom in our trying times: nonhuman animals.
If you're fortunate to be owned by a pet, you know what I'm talking about. You'll be sitting there feeling sorry for yourself or humanity or some segment of humanity, and then your dog will sit up and cock her head at you, or your cat will roll onto his back, presenting that soft, fluffy, oh-so-pettable belly. (Do not pet the belly. It is a trap. A trap cleverly designed to deprive us of unbroken skin.)
Or maybe something like this happens: I often go out onto my deck to write (or, more often, play video games). So I did this late one warm night, and after I finished a quest in the video game, I felt the need to answer a call of nature. Being a civilized human being, I went inside.
I was in the bathroom for, I swear, not even two minutes. When I came out, I headed back to the deck and stepped into the kitchen only to be greeted by the unmistakable masked face of nature's favorite bandit: in the time I spent taking a leak, a raccoon had managed to open the screen door, eat all the cat food, and spill the cat's water all over the floor; and he was on his way to opening the plastic bin of more cat food when we startled each other.
Of the two of us, I think I was more surprised. The raccoon just looked at me, blinked twice, and sauntered back to the screen door, pushed it open and disappeared into the night.
And my cat is useless. Not only does she weigh less than your typical raccoon, the coons outsmart her every time. One night I looked over and there's my cat, just hanging out with not one, not two, but *three* raccoons. They don't trust each other very much, but it's more of an uneasy truce than a territorial fight.
I'm just waiting for the raccoons to tell the local bears that there's food at my house. Surely, the cat will scare away the bear, right?
So that's why I found the following video so amusing - it's not mine, but it captures the feeling quite well:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTcjzaqL0pE
And, because everyone needs funny animals, here are a few more things to laugh at:
http://www.themorningfunnys.com/uploads/1/0/2/7/10277934/9092615_orig.jpg
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/47/0b/64/470b645714d79cd76fe8d497...
https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7645474816/h54E276E4/
http://blueridgetravelguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Mother-Black-Bear-and...
Finally, in preparation for Thanksgiving in the US:
http://funny-pictures.funmunch.com/pictures/somethings-up.jpg |
Just some funnies:
| | | Nixon [13+] #2045302
A dog has a bone to pick with his owner. 2nd Place Dialog 500 June '15
by Indelible Ink  |
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Last time, in "Horror Humor" , I discussed scary costume ideas.
Sum1's In Schaumburg  : I have to say this, or it will haunt me forever. I think you really missed things on your list of scary, sexy, and funny this month. With all that's going on in the country recently, how does one find a black man being shot by a cop scary, sexy, or funny? What I trying to say, is I saw that, and almost gasped out loud that you would write that here. Either I'm dense, or you missed the target with this little jab by a HUGE margin.
Fair enough. Granted, that particular costume idea is in the worst of taste, and it's certainly not sexy or funny. But if the idea is to come up with a costume that's the scariest thing you can think of, well, I can't think of many things more scary than institutionalized racism and abuse of authority.
writetight: Thanks for featuring my "Invalid Item" in your Horror/Humor newsletter. 
Dan
I'm always here to give beginning writers a break! 
Mummsy  : The only California mudslide I'm interested in involves Kahlua, chocolate, and ice cream. Anyone who THINKS about pumpkin spice latte while I drink my mudslide will be banished.
Yeah, but here's the all-important question: What is on the cup that you're drinking it from? Well, apparently it's only an all-important question in November and December.
That'll do it for me for November! Until next month,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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