 Comedy: September 09, 2015 Issue [#7198] |
  Comedy
This week: Of Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Itches! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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With birthdays and all the splendor revolving around the site, it's time to take a moment to think about yearly events and how life changing they might be. No, this is not going to be a serious subject matter, it is the Comedy Newsletter, after all!  |
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Hello folks, and a huge happy 15th birthday to WDC. Congratulations to The StoryMaster  and The StoryMistress  . Do you know how amazing this September magic is? Of course you do, and we are all very grateful that the two of you are at the helm.
Okay, enough of the mushy stuff, it’s time to get down to the business of comedy.
Not only is WDC celebrating another successful year, but I also share an anniversary with WDC. Yes, folks, it has been eight years this month, since I first became a Comedy Newsletter, editor. And you know something else? In all those eight years of Newsletters, I never missed one, took a break from one, or otherwise was unable to be here with you, no matter how painful it might be to you, all the entire one dozen of you, (Yes, my readership is growing! ) who happen to read my newsletters.
Since we are talking about anniversaries, Web-Lock and I celebrated seven years together, a couple weeks ago. You know we met, right here on WDC. It’s another reason why I really love this place. However, I’ve heard that “seven” is a critical year during a relationship. They were scary things, too!
They even made a movie about it, called “The Seven Year Itch.” I got to wondering about this and went straight to a doctor for answers -- that doctor being Web-Lock, of course.
“Web-Lock, I’m afraid about what our friends said after we announced it was our seventh anniversary together. All of them laughed and commented, ‘Ugh-Ohhh, seven year itch, time!’What are they talking about, WL? Are you getting itchy? I saw you scratch your hand the other day. Perhaps it’s the soap I bought, I can get new soap. Or, is it -- could it be that you are developing an allergy to me?”
“Web~Witch, dear, Web~Witch, you do worry about the most obtuse things, sometimes. We are fine, dear. And no, I’m not allergic to you.”
“But, what were those friends talking about? It wasn’t just one or two who made that comment. They seem to know something that we don’t know.”
“Oh, WW, I’ve heard about the seven year itch, I just never thought twice about it while I’m with you!”
“Wait a minute--hey, hold on! You just said you never thought ‘twice’ about it. You know what that means? That means you’ve at least thought once about it! Oh, no, we are in big trouble. If the thought crossed your mind even once, we are really in big trouble!”
“No, no, I didn’t mean that, WW. It ’s just an old saying, like ‘I never gave it a second thought.’ A saying, you know, people use those sayings, often. It’s usually a positive thing.”
“A positive thing? You actually emphasized it more by including the saying, 'I never gave it a second thought.’ Now, I’m sure you’ve thought about it twice. Once when you said, 'I just never thought twice about it while I’m with you!’ and also, just now when you reiterated the whole at least once thing by saying, ‘I never gave it a second thought.’ See, we are in double trouble now, because you’ve just thought twice about it -- the first time you made the comment and just now when you explained about making the first comment.”
“Web~Witch, you are being silly, now, and may I add a little bit immature. You know better. Our relationship is strong and growing exponentially each year.”
“What? So now I’m just a silly brat? That’s what you think I am? Well, I never thought this relationship would degrade so fast. I guess our friends were right, we have got the itch!”
“Did you conveniently forget the end of my statement when I said our relationship is growing stronger each year?”
“Well, I guess I overlooked that piece of information. Really? You really think we are fine, and there’s no itch that needs scratching?”
“I promise, with all my heart, Web~Witch. ”
“Oh, Web-Lock! I love you so much. thank you for wiping away all my fears about the whole seven year, thing. I feel better, now.”
“Thank God, WW. Let’s go out for dinner and break away from the usual routine.”
“Usually routine? So you admit our life is getting boring. Everything is predictable and you feel smothered and need to be someplace surrounded by other faces but mine!”
“I just thought you deserved a break from cooking and would love to go out to dinner this evening. I never meant it in a negative way, WW, and you know that deep down inside.”
“Yes, you’re right, WL. I’m sorry I made such a Cecil B. DeMille, production over this whole thing. I’d love to go out for dinner.  Wait-wait! what was that?!!”
“What was what WW?”
That! I saw it, you were scratching your hand, again!”
 ”Sweet Web~Witch, my darling, my stars and sunshine, perhaps you should consider taking a break from writing Comedy Newsletters for a while.”
Well, folks, I have to correct my earlier statement, “... the entire one dozen of you, (Yes, my readership is growing! ) who happen to read my newsletters.” Let’s make that, all eleven of you. Thanks a lot WL!  Please, do have some Benedryl You'll be needing a lot of that, very soon!
It’s a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter! Enjoy the continued activities going on WDC, for the September birthday bash.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Some comments from my last edition: "Comedy Newsletter (August 12, 2015)"
Joy 
"at least have a good laugh"
I just did, reading your NL, WW. Thanks.
News Headlines, no one can beat them; I wish someone did, though.
It seems we can find a weird one each day, Joy. Just looking at the news headlines popping up on the side of a social media site, is enough to get your day's fill of it. Thanks for feedback. 
Just an Ordinary Boo! 
I chortle over signs myself, especially in India, where Ind-ish makes simple things weird and weird things simple!
At a Construction Site: ... [Love it, had to keep it out of the Newsletter because it is above 13+ , but still laughing! ]"In Progress" - Let's all tiptoe out then!
Outside a Bar: "Child beer, served here" - Ummm, Come back folks, they meant to say 'chilled'!
"Go Slow - Accident [XXX see above reason for not including  ] Area" - I am sure going to slow down, seeing this kind of show is on my bucket list!
And BTW, I think the guy hit by lightning would not need a battery charge of all things! Either all his electronics are fried, or they're fully charged! Or viewing it another way ... surely it should be the cloud that's being charged for assault and battery?
Too funny! Love them, Jyo! 
Steev the Friction Wizurd 
Sign for a bank: The buck stops here because we've got the dough.
Makes total sense! I bet they get a lot of hunters banking there!  Thanks for the feedback!
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW! Your headlines and quotes were absolutely hilarious! Thanks for the laughs! (7 foot doctors! lol I want to see that!) Great newsletter!
~ Laura
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed them, Laura!
ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams
Thank you for featuring my short story, Age Defy, in your awesome WDC Comedy Newsletter of August 12, 2015! So nice!
Christina Daltro
It was my pleasure, Chris! 
willwilcox
You always seem to have the best newsletters
Hmmm, it seems that way, doesn't it Bill?  But, I like to hang on to a false sense of security!
Elfin Dragon-finally published
hey WW, yep the funny signs are definitely all around us. The worst culprits? Warning labels on just about everything. Some are so ridiculous you realize someone had to have actually done it for the company to put the warning on the label but you have to pause to wonder why someone would do it.
Yes, I have always wondered the same thing!
DRSmith
Say.... have a question for you: Is a beauty parlor where depressed women go to curl up an dye?
Not always. Sometimes they go there for a straightening-out!
writetight
You write funny. That's a compliment.
You would know, Dan! Thanks, for that, by-the-way.
brom21
With this newsletter, you really show that there is something to laugh at in everything. This is something that can be found in serious comments like you show. One of the funniest sayings I heard of was mentioned in the comedy newsletter. It read something like “Every minute a woman gives birth to a child. That woman must be found and stopped!” Cracks me up! Thanks for the letter!
Yes, I remember that one: 
By, Sam Levenson:
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped." I love that one, too! See: "Comedy Newsletter (January 29, 2014)"
Thank you for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
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