 Comedy: May 20, 2015 Issue [#6988] |
  Comedy
This week: The Comedy of Drama Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Packing-up and heading to the Northern Command Center seems to get harder each year. We decided to postpone our trip back a couple weeks longer, because, let’s face it -- we didn’t trust the weather, following the long snowy winter. However, leaving the warmth of Florida and all of our friends, doesn’t come without some drama that would have been avoided had we returned earlier. |
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Recently, a friend of ours was all excited telling us about a special device, a little black box, that could pick-up hundreds of channels and newly released movies for free.
“It only costs $300 and then it’s all yours!”
“Uhm, you mean to tell me that you are receiving all these freebies? That doesn’t sound right, Harry. It sounds like copyright infringement. Who’s selling this device?”
“Some guy at the mall. So it can’t be illegal ‘cause they wouldn’t let him sell it.”
“You mean the mall that’s going bankrupt? You really think they care who rents space for a kiosk?”
“But the guy says it’s perfectly legal. He said he’s from another country and the US laws don’t apply to this foreign device. And, I asked a sheriff at the mall and he said buying the device was not against the law -- just like the guy told me.”
“You’re right, Harry, buying the device is perfectly legal. Using the device to break copyright laws is the sticky part, here.”
After talking with this guy for over an hour about how this product was not all it appeared to be, he stubbornly claimed it was okay and so long as he doesn’t make copies, he’ll be safe.”
“Harry, did you pay cash for this device?”
“Yes, they only took cash and I gave them no ID, so I can’t be traced if this guy is pulling something on me.”
“Cash, only? Well, then, that makes it sound all above board. Anyway, the Feds don’t need your ID, Harry, they will trace it through your IP address right to your computer. ”
“Oh, no, do you think they are going to do that?”
“Of course they are, my friend. They will have a black helicopter over this sub-division by Friday night. They will have the spotlight on and be looking for your place. Then, they will hover above you, whereby the agents will climb down a ladder and break into your house and seize all of your electronic equipment. They will remove you in handcuffs. But don't worry, we’ll be sure to come and visit you whenever we get back down here in the autumn.” 
Harry took off like a bolt of lightning. We didn’t see him for over a week when he next approached me by the pool.
“Web~Witch, I don’t know. Do you really think they are going to send the Feds after me? I mean, I paid good money for this device and they said it was perfectly legal. I just paid for the right to watch the shows up front rather than paying those movie-TV, streaming rental places each month.”
“No, Harry, they aren’t going to get all militant right off the bat. I was just pulling your leg. They will send you a mail and tell you to cease and desist, because you are in violation of the copyright laws and will be subject to monetary penalties and or prison time if it is severe enough. However, Say I do accept all you’re telling me about the legality of this device, there must be a finite amount of shows you will be allowed to watch. You will probably receive several “previews” of legitimate streaming sites and then be asked to subscribe.”
His jaw dropped a little when I made that statement.
“Well, yeah, that did happen on several channels I watched. They asked for me to send money. I clicked, ‘No’ and the channels disappeared. But I still have more channels I can watch.”
Folks, this poor guy ended up paying $300 for this little black box, which was basically only a preview of various streaming video channels. One by one they started to disappear.
Let’s figure this out, because we all know that WW doesn’t do math ...
Netflix, Twelve months at ten dollars per month equals $120 per year. No copyright infringement issues, no foreign salesperson taking the money and running, no self-deleting channels. Harry paid $300 for a month or two’s worth of “free streaming.”
“You know something, Harry, it looks like you were scammed. You can keep your free streaming shows, I’ll do things the old fashioned way. ”
See? Even Web~Witch can do enough math to get by in this high tech world.
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! Your muse didn't disappear - everything you write is funny. Alligator-attraction by mating call should be a new Olympic sport. I'd sure watch it - from the safety of my couch, of course. Loved the NL! 
~ Laura
 Probably not an Olympic sport -- but somehow I can picture another TV reality show popping up!
Thanks for the feedback, Laura!
Callie hears Angels these days
Dear Webwitch, Thank you so much for including my Bubbles Story with your very funny comedy newsletter. I hope you didn't scare too many of the gators away. We don't need another rampage. Never can tell what the Zombie Gator Queen will do....
You are very welcome, Callie! I don't think I scared the gators away. It seemed like more of them started congregating the second time we went to take photos. Perhaps they were organizing! I guess it's a good thing we've finished that part of our photography collection, at least until the next time we come back to Florida.
Princess Megan Snow Rose  
You are braver then I being out with alligators. Sounds like you are an animal lover at heart while you were out bird watching. I will read some of the items you chose in this newsletter. The picture of the alligator you included may haunt me in my sleep!
Once I saw one and started taking pictures, I was simply mesmerized by it. I know their grunts, and most likely will spot one in the water soon afterwards. That's the time I dare to take a picture -- when they are heading away from my direction! I guess I'm not so brave after all. 
drjim
WW, right off - from the very TOP of this wonderful newsletter involving "Alligator Speed Dating" (or some such moniker), I found (gulp!) an even MORE dangerous creature than all the 'gators in the 'glades...........AN OXYMORON! Yikes. We writers take these things seriously. If a muse has a "dry spell", than HOW in all of swampy areas that surround us, can you possibly SWEAT?!? Eh, well, I see you rollin' your eyes for effect. I know what I know. Perhaps we can take that oxymoron out to the swamp and...well..."see you later, alligator!" "In awhile, crocodile".
Any others?
FINALLY we arrive at the summit of your NL, filled with the kind of down home, chompin' on the leash goofiness that no man or woman can stand without eliciting a smile. Or two or three. I must confess, I even LAUGHED at this one!! (No, I am not being cynical here, just ruminatin' on the what-ifs involving overly macho bull gators with my cute Webbie out there sending perfectly BELIEVABLE "grunts" right back at them - what are the odds that a guy dude gator will show up with cognac and a pair of crystal glasses, all the while engaging in talk of Bacon, Montesquieu or Rousseau and other, finer points of philosophy?
Yeah, right.
Their version of a "roll in the hay", once they actually see you as this uber-beautiful lady would be perfectly predictable - and YES, they DO like the taste of we humans ("Mort ... if you never ate one of them before... they don't taste like frog legs AT ALL....")
While I DO carry a special something to deal with the overly cranky lizards, its far easier to stay untangled with them then trying to get UNTANGLED from them. As you all so perfectly well know.
Congratulations on such a well-written, excellently planned NL, Webbie!!
"Alligator Speed Dating?"
Thank you my dear man! 
Quick-Quill 
Many years ago we took our two kids and a young friend on a trip from MN to FL during the winter. While traveling in the everglades our young friend asked what those boxes were along the road. My hubby said they were Gator boxes. If you saw a gator along the road you were to stop pick up the phone to call and report where you saw the gator. If you saw it had a colored tag on it you told the person the color of the tag on its tail. She was amazed and spent the next hour or two staring at the roadway hoping to see a gator so she could call.
How cool is that?!!! I hope they got to see a couple on the trip. One year we went across alligator alley -- not one gator did I see! I never expected to see them on our bird watching trip, practically in our own back yard! It seems you see them when you don't expect them.
Thank you for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month!
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