 Comedy: March 25, 2015 Issue [#6890] |
  Comedy
This week: Death And Taxes -- No Joke! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Plan to have some fun before sending another check to the IRS. There are ways to get through this time of year with less stress.
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Yes, folks, it’s the time of year that distracts the calm and collected human being in America, (if there are any left) by having them rummage through receipts from the recent tax year, to prepare their tax returns.
It will be easy to notice these people, they are the ones walking around with glazed eyes and moving in a very mechanical way. I actually believe the creators of all those Living Dead/Zombies-type shows, were some of the first humans to notice this phenomenon and started writing.
As the Northern Hemisphere breathes a sigh of relief because of winter's end, there is still a dark shadow that hovers over them. Spring comes at a time that creeps ever so close to the tax filing deadline in mid-April. Our joy is brief as that sinking feeling works its way into our psyche, our dreams, and our ability to sleep until we've exhausted the remotest possibility that there exists at least one more tax-deductible receipt to lower the pay-out check. Tax-paying time is a death of sorts. It is the killing of plans for a vacation or an upgrade of appliances or vehicle. In my case, it means any renovation of the money-pit will have to wait several months longer.
Yes, folks, death and taxes have a connection to us. We are taxed to death, we will pay them until we die and then they will grab for more after our deaths.
So, to get even with the misery that is hurled at us with vicious evilness from the hands of greed and waste, we must find a way to have fun. We could have a national, holiday of “Sticking it to the Man," or “We’re Mad as Hell Day,” and vent our grievances. It would be like one of those “Occupy Now” except we don’t have be on Wall Street and we can be a cleaner version, whom actually pay taxes.
What’s so funny about all of this, WebWitch?”
Absolutely nothing! I can only leave you with this thought, if you don’t find a way to break the cycle of worry and wallet raiding, you will be amongst those walking dead for a couple months a year. Plan fun things to do around tax time. Go see a comedy flick, invite family for a joke-fest, with food and consolation prizes. Keep the humor going each day via phone or text. This way not only do you feel the sting of paying taxes a little less than usual, but you also make friends and family members feel better.
Laughter is good medicine, so add it to your daily schedule.
Here are a few funnies to get started:
“Big Butt”
Bertha was getting tired of her husband Bart’s comments about the size of her butt. Every time she would bend over to pick-up something that dropped on the floor, Bart would yell-out, “big butt!”
After hearing this for the past twenty years of marriage, Bertha decided on a permanent solution. She went to a tattoo artist and told him of her nagging issue. She wanted a way for Bart to see that she got his message so he would stop exclaiming she had a “big butt.” She asked the artist to tattoo a huge “B” on one cheek and an Identical “B” on the other one.
Later that evening, Bertha got out of the shower, dried-off, and bent-over to pick up the body lotion she dropped.
Suddenly she heard Bart yell from the bathroom doorway:
“Who is Bob?!!!”
What's In A Name?
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs laying on top of leaves?
Russell!
What would Russell’s new name be if he were in a pool?
Bob!
What would Russell’s new name be if he if he was leaning against a wall?
Art!
What would Russel’s new name be if he was near a hole on the ground?
Doug!
What’s the name of Doug’s best friend who shoveled the dirt back into the hole?
Phil!
Of Course there has to be a blonde joke or two. Oh, c'mon, all is fair during tax time -- and I've given birth to a couple blondes so I can laugh along with them when they tell me some blonde jokes.
Why do blondes smile during severe lightning storms?
They think they’re having their picture taken! 
What do you call blondes who dye their hair brown?
Artificial Intelligence!  (I know, "Bad, bad WebWitch!")
Two guys are fighting in the Emergency Room, over which one is the father of the expected baby of the woman they brought in with them.
The doctor races over and tells them to stop arguing so he can attend to the very pregnant patient just passed the curtains, who was listening to all the ruckus. As he enters the patient’s space, the blonde lets out a huge sigh of relief, jumps off the examining table and exclaims, “Thank God it’s not mine!”
Gotta Love Old Folks ...
Did you hear about the 90 year-old man who streaked a recent flower show?
He won first prize for his dried arrangement! 
You can do it folks! I’d love to know if you planned a fun day of laughter to decrease the stress of tax time. Respond with your plan for a tax-stress-relief day, and a very special Merit Badge could be yours! 
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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