 Comedy: February 18, 2015 Issue [#6837] |
  Comedy
This week: My New, Bionic Knees Edited by: SophyBells  
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Hi - I'm SophyBells , your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
This will be my last edition as a regular editor - I have enjoyed making you laugh (well, some of you laughed, lol), and plan to continue to do so in the Spiritual Newsletter.  Every once in a while I will pop back in and be a Guest Comedy Editor when something tickles my fancy.  Until then, thanks for the great comments and feedback and support - it has been very appreciated. And I look forward to continuing accolades from you in the future! 
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Bionic Knees
On January 12, I had my old, worn-out knees replaced with two new custom-made knees. Yes, you heard me right - I had total knee replacement surgery. Both knees. As the same time. I am a medical marvel!
Years of professional basketball Olympic alpine skiing plain ole walking had taken its toll and left me with knees beyond help. So, after a visit to an orthopedic surgeon in November of last year, where X-rays revealed some of the worst knees my orthopedic surgeon had ever seen (his words), I decided to have knee replacement surgery.
Sophy: So, do I have the knees of a 90 year old?
DOC: <laughs> Actually, I have seen much better knees on quite a few 90 year olds.
We scheduled the surgery for January, opting to do both at the same time instead of one at a time, six weeks apart. I was not nervous at all about the surgery in the weeks before it happened - I was looking forward to it, getting through recovery, and getting my life back after years of pain and limited mobility. Even the morning Mr. Sophy and I went to the hospital I was oddly calm and ready to go, which is not like me at all! I expected to be a nervous wreck, and actually wondered what was wrong with me that I was not more nervous, lol. When they wheeled me into the OR, with an IV already running some happy drugs, I joked with the surgical team asking if they were sure which knee they were supposed to replace (a couple actually looked nervous when I asked that, wondering if somehow I didn't know I was having them both done) - mercifully for their sake, the anesthesiologist knocked me out.
Surgery itself was a breeze. For me anyway - apparently I slept through it <rim shot>. After surgery - not so much of a breeze. More like a hurricane. Of pain! I remember being in recovery after the surgery, someone talking to me, trying to wake me up, saying my name over and over, asking how I was feeling. I kept my eyes shut the whole time in an attempt to block out everything that was going on around me and perhaps even mercifully go back to sleep. Because while I do not remember a lot of details I do remember one thing - my legs felt like they had been run over by a truck, and then the truck backed up and ran over them again. Fortunately, they gave me some more pain meds!
I left the orthopedic floor on the third day post surgery, and was transferred to another floor for my acute rehab (translation: the torture chamber) where I endured 4 hours of physical and occupational therapy each day for several days. PT consisted of walking as far as I could to the PT "gym" (after walking as far as I could, they let me ride in the wheel chair, but only if I had gone further than the previous time), wherein I would do various leg lifts and slides, moving my poor legs side to side and up and down, an inch or two at a time. When I first started I could only walk about 20 feet, and during therapy I could hardly lift my leg an inch off the PT table, and that was with help. And now, 5 weeks later, I am bending, lifting, and sliding my legs all over the place. I am even walking, and have progressed from a walker to a cane, and often use neither. My surgeon says I am doing very well, "considering." Not sure what the "considering" is about - I choose that it means "considering I courageously had both knees done at the same time instead of one at a time, like a normal person" and not, "considering what a big baby you are!"
At therapy this week Mr. Sophy followed behind me, playing the theme music for the "Six Million Dollar Man" behind me as I practiced walking and bending my knees at the same time (no easy feat!). While I am pleased with my progress, it really isn't moving forward fast enough to my liking. I wanted to be back to normal - heck, better than normal by now. I want to be invited to be on Dancing with the Stars. I want to run in a marathon. Heck, at this point I'd be happy to be able to take off my own socks!
So I keep at it, day by day and week by week getting better, getting stronger. And hopefully the next time you hear from me I will be exceeding all expectations. I will keep you posted!
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Here are some responses to my last newsletter "Comedy Newsletter (December 24, 2014)" about December holidays:
From LJPC - the tortoise  :
Hi Sophy! Yes, it can be very confusing to know whether to wish people Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, or Happy Hannukah. I solved the problem by not sending out any Christmas cards  -- only New Year's ones! Wishing you and your family a wonderful 2015!
~ Laura
Very smart, Laura - well done! Thank you for the kind wishes - same back-atcha!
   
From THANKFUL SONALI RIP BIKERIDER  :
Good afternoon (or whatever time it is in your zone.)
Might I just point out, with reference to your disclaimer at the top of the Newsletter, that the only name you actually do mention is 'Sophy' ... so has that, in fact, been changed, to protect the ... um ... the ... innocent?
Errr, um .... what? Who? Huh?
From: Ren the Klutz!
I fell ya, Soph! Luckily for me, I don't believe in anything so I don't really care what people say to me. If they say Merry Christmas I say it back. If I know they are Jewish I say Happy Hanukkah. If they are Pagan (how I was raised) I say Happy Winter Solstice or Merry Yule or whatever. Sometimes I just say Merry Merry or Happy Happy. Sometimes I just ignore everyone like this year when I did all my shopping online and stayed home (sadly, sick in bed for the last six months, but still) and didn't have to deal with anyone. It was much easier. lol So to you, Happy Everything!
Happy Everything to you as well! Hope you are feeling better, or feel better soon.
From: humbledragon
Sophy,
That was too funny; this news letter defiantly got a chuckle out of me! Merry Freaking Christmas Then… brilliant! It seems like you couldn’t win for losing this year.
I don’t believe in a biblical God myself, but I do believe a greater power governs the universe.
That being said, I still don’t get offended if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or even throws me a peace sign… tree hugging hippies!
On any given day of the year, we could all stand to be a bit nicer to one another, but be careful, for it just may bring a smile to your face.
Respectfully,
Humble Dragon
I like your style - and agree about being nicer to one another. Wouldn't that be, well, nice?!
From: len_gray
Haha, it IS hard to know what to say to people this time of year. When I was a cashier, I got into the habit of saying 'Season's Blessings!' just to avoid those conversations. It worked most of the time but I got a few odd looks lol
Well, that was better than the alternative I suppose, lol.
From: Sum1's Home! 
Sophy,
I'm not religious, but I still wish everyone a Merry Christmas, no matter what. If they celebrate Hanukkah, then they can wish me a Happy Hanakkuh in return. Just my humble opinion here, but I think you should wish someone whatever holiday you celebrate, and let them respond as they wish in return. If they are huffy, then just turn away and let it go. Again, just my way of doing things....
Jim
Good plan!
From: River 
I'm going to take a big risk and say Merry Christmas! I'm not going out anywhere just spending time with family so I should be safe enough.
Hope that went well!
Thanks for all your comments - keep them coming! Until next time, SophyBells |
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