 Comedy: November 26, 2014 Issue [#6679] |
  Comedy
This week: Hospitals - Part Deux Edited by: SophyBells  
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Hospitals Part Deux
You had to know I would at least have a Part 2 to my hospital story, right? I mean, when I have not taken advantage of a theme and beaten it to death? Case in point ...
My infamous 2014 5-Part Spring/Summer Series on buying and selling a house, moving, and dealing with new neighbors.
Not to mention the 2012 3-Part Summer Series on trying to sell our house and move, which did not happen - resulting in the aforementioned 2014 Series.
And who can forget my 2010 Spring Series on my first job - in 3 parts! The series lasted longer than my actual job.
Actually, I did not plan on writing a Part 2 of my 2014 Fall Hospital Adventure. Being in the hospital twice less than 2 weeks apart was not something I ever wanted to think about again, let alone write about. But as luck or fate or karma would have it, apparently I will be making a return visit to the hospital in late December, of my own free will this time (and yes, that means there will definitely be a "Hospitals, Part 3 in January).
My return has with no medical connection whatsoever to my earlier visits. It's a whole new round of fun! Apparently even though I am only in my 50's, I have the knees of a 90 year old exotic dancer due to many years of hard living arthritis taking its toll. So I will be having knee replacement surgery in a few of weeks. Normally the thought or mention of surgery reduces me to a puddle of tears, but I have been in so much pain I practically hugged the doctor when he told me that the only option was surgery. No PT, no injections - I am going straight under the knife.
DOC: (after seeing my X-rays) I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but your knees are terrible.
ME: Yeah, my right one is really bad. I am an inch shorter than I used to be because it won't straighten any more. Thank goodness my left one is okay.
DOC: Actually, your left knee is almost as bad as your right. They are both terrible. You need a total knee replacement, both knees. Here, look at your X-rays and you can see right here how bad they are.
ME: Actually I don't really see anything. I don't know what a normal knee looks like.
DOC: Not like this - imagine the opposite of this. There is really nothing we can do except surgery to replace them.
ME: <tears of joy>
So ... I will be in the hospital for a few days in late December getting new knees - Happy Holidays to me!  I just hope I get some good drugs, and the food is edible. Fortunately I will be going to the other hospital in town, so I will be able do some comparisons of them in future Comedy Newsletters. And I bet I can drag this topic out halfway into 2015, not to mention rehab and Physical Therapy. Anyone want to take bets on how many issues I can milk out of this?
Will keep you posted!
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Now for some comments about my last newsletter "Comedy Newsletter (October 29, 2014)" about "Hospitals are Scary:"
From LJPC - the tortoise 
Sophy - you poor thing! I'm so glad you're on the mend, and that you haven't lost your great sense of humor. I can understand the food was awful, but at least you got to order what you wanted for 12 hrs a day. I was in the hospital twice for herniated disks and only got fed when they brought around the food cart three times a day. 
~ Laura
That sounds abominable Laura! I hope loved ones were able to smuggle in some real food for you once in a while.
     
From River 
I just spent two weeks in hospital and agree with you wholeheartedly. I had to laugh (although it wasn't that funny at the time) hospitals are definitely not restful.
The nurses and lab techs managed to collapse most of the veins in my arms.They even took blood from my knee and foot! I came home battered and bruised looking like I had fallen down three flights of stairs.
Oh, that was food????
Let's hope we both stay away from hospitals from now on!
Well, yes, let's hope you stay away from them anyway! I will be making a return visit in a month, but at least it will give me more fodder for future newsletters!
From Joy 
Sorry for the sickness and what you had to go through, Sophy.
"Hospitals must have vampire connections" This made me chuckle and you're so right in that after they tell you to rest, they keep waking you up. Been there!
I hope whatever has been ailing you is all gone now and no more hospitalization for you. 
What was ailing me is better now, thanks Joy. As for no more hospitalization for me, well .....
That's all for this month - see you next time! ~ SophyBells |
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