 Comedy: September 10, 2014 Issue [#6532] |
  Comedy
This week: Balloons, And Why I Love My Car! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Okay, so my very dependable SUV decided it was time to have major surgery and several days of rest and relaxation in a dealership repair shop ... |
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Hello folks and a huge Happy 14th Birthday to WDC. Isn’t this the grooviest place to be, folks? 
Having this place to come to each day can even take my mind off the recent car repairs. Well, sort of ... 
She, my car, is named “Ruby”and has been my precious “ baby” for several years, now. She’s a real workhorse. I can place the back seats down and have a good-sized utility vehicle with plenty of space to fill when traveling. She’s also made it easy to get do-it-yourself projects done at home, because I don’t have to wait for delivery. Ruby fits lumber, drywall, giant sequoias, stoves, refrigerators, sofa-beds, and much, much more ! That doesn’t even count the stuff I can carry on her roof! Yeah, she’s a real sweetie, my Ruby, until recently. She had issues you see, that meant taking stuff apart and testing sensors that go whacky, and prevent the owner from passing the state inspection test.
Failing the test made me, as well as my vehicle, blush. She just hides it better because, well, she’s red already.  I left the inspection place with a long list of faulty sensors and a big, ugly sticker on my windshield with the letter “R.” Rejected! My little girl was REJECTED! 
Anyway, I got her into the Volvo dealer to get her fixed-up because none of the independent mechanics wanted to mess with sensor number BS1234, or something like that. I was really starting to get scared for her. I thought, will my Ruby ever be well again?
Happy to report that after a week of hospitalization and $4300 dollars later, after the mercy gift of 100 dollars off,
( Well thanks so much for that! ) like it would be this giant buffer between me and my wallet, which they were about to raid, Ruby was revived. She needed a week of driving to reset her computer to prevent me from cheating the testing system, then she’d be allowed the normal sticker and have the humiliating “R” removed from her windshield.
In between my pacing floors and feeling separation anxiety from my beloved vehicle, we were offered a “loaner.” Now, loaners are slightly smaller in size than the SUV. Oh, let’s call it what it is, it was a tiny compact vehicle, where your knees are in your chest when you are sitting in it. The back seat is basically a tiny space for very short people, known as carseat-booster-seat-aged children. Even with little munchkins, the driver and passenger seats would be in close proximity to their kicking. Forget trying to fit adults back there. They'd be riding with their knees stuck to their chins. Translation, really no leg room in the backseat.
During the weekend, which I thought my car would be back in my possession, but for the dealership getting in the wrong part, I was forced to use the loaner to travel nearly two hours to my brothers birthday party -- one of the big ones!
I offered to help my sister-in-law by picking up some decorative balloons for the party because I lived close to a party store and she had enough to do at the house for the big surprise party.. Oh, when I do something, I do it up big!
I went into the party store and saw giant numbers, stars and champagne bottles. By giant, I mean two numbers for his age and one champagne bottle that were three feet tall and a foot and a half wide, plus the one foot by one foot, smaller stars for contrast and visual appeal. 
There was a scary moment of discovery about those balloons, because they didn’t look that big hanging on the walls at the party place. I grabbed my buxom bouquet of balloons and left the store. WL held the door open and aided me in getting those undisciplined mylar monsters to go in one direction, toward the car. Had I been a mere ten pounds lighter, I believe I would have alighted without the aid of my broom.  WL ran ahead to open the trunk. Would you believe the trunk was slightly bigger than a glove compartment with a glandular problem?
Now let’s back up a little to refresh our memories, and show that I was sane when I volunteered to do the balloon caper.  I totally expected to have my SUV back, with plenty of “trunk” space to hold the humongous party items.
WL and I tried seventeen-ways-to-the-moon, types of manipulations, to stuff those beastly balloons into that tiny thing they tried to call a trunk, to no avail. Thus, we had to squeeze them into the back seat and drive home with them conking us on the head. But wait, there's more ...
The next day was the party and we agreed to pick-up my son and his girlfriend, and take them with us to the party. ( I know, my good deeds are never ending.) Of course when we made the plans, we thought we’d have our car back. We told them them the night before, be ready to share your seating room with some objects that cannot sit still. They agreed so we kept with our plans.
You have to picture this scene folks, two adults in the munchkin-sized back seat, trying to hang on to some of the eleven-feet of balloons while some footage floated to the front, whereas I did my best to keep it from the driver’s (WL) line of vision.
Oh, by the way? A three-foot zero around your head, makes a fine neck rest! 
It’s a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. Below, you will find out the winners to my "Comedy Newsletter (August 13, 2014)" 's challenge.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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 Since one of the contestants is very close to me, in proximity and  , I asked a guest judge to make an unbiased pick of her top three, after I already chose the first place winner, because, well that one was an obvious funny bone tickler for me. Thus, Second Place through Honorable Mention was placed in a blind e-mail. No, I don't mean the e-mail needed a cane or service dog. What I did was copy-paste just the 14 lines of the best of the rest, no identifying information and asked Mandy  to number her choice for the top three of those. This was based on wit and style, and I did not ask her for reviews. We all know Miss Bee has the ability to pluck a poem apart and make a judicial decision, lickety split, and let that hammer drop on her favorites. Again --"blind picks." No, I don't mean the poets are blind. Sheesh, I really do have to spell it out, don't I? Without further ado ...
Prize Winners from my " Comedy Newsletter (August 13, 2014)" Challenge:
You could win this MB and some GPs, by writing a comedy-poem. A "poemedy" if you prefer. I love originality, so rhyme or don't rhyme, sonnet or something else, it just needs to be humorous and contain only and exactly only ... 14 lines
![Merit Badge in Web Witch
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Congratulations on your new "Web~Witch" merit badge for your group, [Link To Item #444444] ! Thank you for supporting the Writing.Com community with your inspirations, participation and activities. We appreciate it! -SMs](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Web_Witch-444444_14.gif)
1) Exclusive MB + 25,000 GPs
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Exclusive MB + 10,000 GPs
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Exclusive MB + 5,000 GPs
Yes, there were sufficient entries, thus:
Honorable Mention: Exclusive MB
Thank you to all who entered this contest! There were so many fine entries. 
 Feedback from my last Comedy Newsletter: "Comedy Newsletter (August 13, 2014)"
Steven Alexander
Thanks for the newsletter....an enjoyable way to start my day. It is morning isn't it?
It is my pleasure.  Time -- It doesn't matter, Doc Dirt, it really doesn't matter, does it? Time is either on our side or not.  We might as well enjoy every moment of it, regardless of the day, night, week ... Thank you for the feedback! 
Quick-Quill 
Not that it means anything but you mentioned you were dedicating this NL to RW, but that was the only mention of him or of any real humor he would have done. Sorry this wasn't one of my favs. I wish I wrote poetry.
The Newsletter was already written and "in the can" so-to-speak, ready for release when the news about Robin Williams death was announced. I didn't think I could do the comedian a proper farewell in just a few hours. I didn't want to just throw something together. The newsletter is about comedy as was Robin Williams. I dedicated a humorous piece to his memory, because that's what we remember about him so fondly -- his effortless humor. Thus, I did not want to mimic him, because there was, and only will be, one Robin Williams.
PatrickB
Thank you for mentioning the Symposium, WW! I enjoyed your essay, just as I did your topic response. It seems as if time and you sit around and laugh over tea. Time and me are most often in a boxing match. "Cut me, Mick!" 
You're welcome, Patrick! I like that idea of me and time sitting around and laughing over tea -- or perhaps a Dirty Martini, with lots of olives! 
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW! I'd never know the day, date, (or time) if it wasn't for my cell phone. For some reason, this August has seemed to fly by. I'm so far behind! I need to borrow your broom to catch up. Yes, such sad news about Robin Williams.  RIP.
~ Laura
No worries, August is over -- don't have to think about it until next year! Maybe doubling up on July-time will help relieve the pressure of August time? What the heck, time to fly -- hop on my broom, let's do things at time-warp speed.  
Teerich - 2019
I hope you like this offering for your WDC 14th Birthday Challenge. It has a time theme to match the theme of the newsletter.
I agree with you about not wearing a watch. I stopped wearing one when I retired from teaching. My working life was ruled by the clock.
I have been caught out by the time difference myself. The UK is over 5 hours ahead of the USA.
I did like your entry, Terri. Thank you so much for entering It was a difficult decision, let me tell you, to narrow the entries down to four. I figured I'd get a couple and only have to give out one prize! It grew beyond what I expected. You guys don't make it easy for a
  !
Thanks for the feedback folks.  We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
WW
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