 Comedy: February 26, 2014 Issue [#6175] |
  Comedy
This week: Juice This! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Recently, WL came up with the idea that we should be juicing everyday. I do see the benefits of drinking up mother nature’s finest vegetables and fruits. They’re filled with vitamins, minerals and powerful enzymes. At least that’s what Web-Lock says. I have a different theory. |
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Hello, folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
As I mentioned above, juicing has become the elephant in the room formerly known as WW’s kitchen. Yes, I like to cook-- real food, in various ways to make it even better food. However, when I go to grab some veggies out of the fridge to saute with whatever protein I had planned for supper, the bin is bare!
“Oh, come on, WL. You’ve got to leave me something to cook for supper. We can’t just eat the stuffing that was supposed to be wrapped-up in the cabbage leaves we drank for a mid-day boost.”
“But Web~Witch, you don’t understand, that cabbage is good for so many purposes in your body. It’s like this super food.”
“Yes, WL, I realize that. Why do you think I wanted to make it for SUPPER!”
Anyway, folks, the little exchange about how the fruits and vegetables should be consumed became fuel for an all out food fight.
“Look at the sink, it’s getting plugged-up from that nasty stuff left behind, from the juicer.”
“That’s the fibrous pulp. You see, all the good vitamins and enzymes are squeezed out of the fruit or vegetable so that the pulp is pretty much an arid left-over. Believe me, we get the best part poured into our glasses.This juicer sucks all the vital juices out of those vegetables. It has membrane-phospholipid- mitochondria P-450 electrons transport chain - ATP/ADP-metabolism-cleanse, which reaches every single cell. ”
“Yeah, well, prisons have cells, too! I like eating raw vegetables, WL, I just don’t care to drink them. Unless of course, it’s a V8, and there’s vodka in it. Besides, what good is all that juicing when you wash it down with Diet Pepsi? Or what about the Nacho chips, Sugar Babies and Globsmackers you snack on!”
“They’re Gobstoppers, Web~Witch. Gee I wish you’d get that name right. Besides, the good enzyme action I get from the juicing counteracts the junk food, thus I can allow myself a little bit of sugar and carbs.”
“Well that sounds like expert dietary advice, WL. By the way, do you think you could find a few tomatoes and hot peppers to add to that celery and carrot juice? I have an urge for a healthy Bloody Mary. Oh, and for supper tonight, we’re having Pulp Chicken!”
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often!
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Marci Missing Everyone 
Loved this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. Real life can be so much funnier than fiction. Sometimes you look at an event and think, "You just can't make this stuff up!" Just having two kids and two dogs gives me lots of entertainment, though I am easily amused. 
Kids do give the funny bone a nudge, now and then. Thanks for the feedback, Marci! 
billwilcox
How do your newsletters keep getting funnier? Thank you for the laugh, I needed it.
-Bill
It's done with smoke and mirrors, Bill. I have no other explanation. 
drjim
Ehhh, well Webbie, we can see now that the double entendres keep on piling up, what with this being a splendid newsletter and all!! Indeed, we all seem to be enjoying ourselves lately with recalling past NLs with the usual hilarity, but this NL was even more special for it recalls that cool, neat ability to think on one's feet to come up with real ice-breakers for starters! Come think of it, are there any OTHER places to think upon other than one's feet in order to come up with laugh-inspiring comedy? I took a class once taught by this lady Instructor who informed the class that due to the fact that we all were studying to become Physicians, why, were there ANY OTHER places to "squeeze in" spare time to do MORE STUDYING? She stunned us all by explaining that some of the BEST places to read and think was while on the commode! Good Lord, why hadn't anyone thought of this?! Don't laugh. I mean, there was a certain Ceasar who, in the movie "Gladiator", was addressed by the title of "Commodus". Perhaps this jealous Caesar spent hours on The Throne thinking of ways to regain the Title of Caesar, whom everyone now knows his Papa decided to bestow instead upon his favorite General instead?!? I can hear his Papa yelling, "Get off the throne, Commodus!! Someone else has gotta use it!!""
I think I'll sit this one out, Doc. 
brom21 
Thanks for all the examples; they were really funny. I think your approach towards comedy depends on your personality. The one-liner people are generally from a kind of personality called a phlegmatic. They are very passive and keep to themselves but they are sometimes witty. BTW, I thought the one-liners from celebrities; most humorous. BTW, have you ever done standup?-just curious.
I have never imagined myself as the passive type personality. Stuff just happens and it's funny and I'm caught-up in it. I had nothing to do with any of this. I am innocent I tell you--a victim of circumstances. Most of my humor is sitting down, thus I couldn't be a stand-up comic.
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW! Your newsletter was hilarious!! I laughed starting from the minister's sermon and kept on laughing right through the one-liner quotes. Thanks for great read! 
~ Laura
Thanks, Laura. I appreciate your interpretation of hilarity in regards to me.  Always great hearing from you.
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
Submits: "What's Behind Me?"
Always a laugh.
And that's a good thing, Wolfman! 
Thank you for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month,
WW
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