 Comedy: February 12, 2014 Issue [#6153] |
  Comedy
This week: Another V-Day Rant Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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I celebrate myself, and sing myself.
-Walt Whitman
You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.
-Jo Courdert
It's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're pissed that so many others had it good.
-Melvin Udall, As Good As It Gets |
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V-Day Again
I might have mentioned before how much I hate February. Not only is it cold, with unpredictable weather, but it contains both my birthday and that stupid Valentines Day.
I started February with a big case of the Februaries, just looking for something to take it out on. I was mildly amused the next day when I found out someone had dropped a groundhog. I wonder how many years' bad luck that is.
And no, I'm not griping about being single. I *am* griping about being sick (I haven't felt this bad since I needed to have my appendix yanked out), and I'm griping about all the ads that make you, even if you *are* happy being single, feel like you're some kind of failure for being that way.
Because, see, when I was looking for quotes to start this newsletter off with, I looked for "quotes about being single and happy." And you know what I found? Quotes by chicks, being all empowering to each other. Which is great. I'm not ragging on women here (well, maybe the ones who done me wrong, but maybe I'll save that for a country song). What quotes about being single did I find from men? About what losers we must be because we can't find someone to sleep with.
Hell with that. Being single is empowering for me, too. I wouldn't have been able to drive across the country and back - three times! - if I were attached, and those trips were awesome. I now have the luxury of having really high standards, and I can wait. I can wait the rest of my life if I have to, because I'd rather be single than be in another relationship where everything I do is a compromise.
Except it's not so empowering in the dead of freaking February when the long nights and media ads beat relentless cold against your psyche.
I subscribe to one of those social deal sites, and everything now is all about getting deals on chocolate and flowers. But even when it's not February, there's all these cool deals like, I dunno, "Four nights in a mountain resort... for two." "Cruise to the Bahamas... for two." "Adopt another cat. For two."
So when I woke up with a horrible ache in my gut, I moaned, "Oh, yeah, that's all I needed." Because it's not enough that I have to deal with valentines ads that make me sick, I'm *starting* from a place of being completely sick. It's kind of like Cupid took one look at me, burst out laughing, and shot his arrow into my small intestines instead of my heart. The feeling's the same, but with puking involved.
Eh, I'll be fine once this month is over. Fortunately, it's short. But damn, they pack a lot of horror into it. |
Some, but not all, of these are valentines-related...
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Last time, in "Winter Travel Part Too" , I complained about traveling in winter. Again.
Mumsy  : Technically Livermore is the last town that's considered Bay area before you get to the Central Valley. But that's not very funny, is it? Funny was definitely watching the rest of the country get whalloped by a polar vortex while walking around with short sleeves. Yup.
Oh yeah. That was fun. So... how's the drought coming along?
blunderbuss: Thank you Robert for the plug for my story (well, it is about beer!). Where I live at the moment - France - there are no micro-breweries and everything is fizzy 'lager' type beer. When I go back to the UK I drink 'bitter' and when I'm not there, I dream about it!
Yep. France put all its effort into wine and contempt for Americans, so they can't brew a beer to save their lives. Fortunately, there's Belgium with the best beers in the world, right next door. And, of course, Germany. But yes, I, too, crave a good pint of English bitter from time to time, even though there's plenty of great beer in the US if you know where to look.
And that's it for me for this horrid month. See you in March - until then,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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