 Comedy: August 07, 2013 Issue [#5819] |
  Comedy
This week: Zombies Aren't So Tough Edited by: Sophurky  
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Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this special ZOMBIE edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
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Zombies Aren't So Tough
First off - a confession: Back in high school, we used to get together to watch movies with our gang of friends. One afternoon, while it was broad daylight, they put in George Romero's black and white classic "Night of the Living Dead." It was my first zombie movie - and it scared me so bad that I spent most of the afternoon "watching" it from behind the couch while my friends laughed (at me and the movie). I was traumatized for weeks, couldn't sleep, and vowed never to watch it or any other zombie themed movie again. A few weeks later we got together again to watch a movie one evening. A few new friends were invited. Unbeknownst to me they weren't really there to watch a movie - they were there to watch ME react to their second showing of "Night of the Living Dead."  As soon as I realized it was coming on the TV, I ran screaming from the house. To this day, some of them still laugh about it.
Until this summer, I have avoided anything to do with zombies. Ever. I was also irrationally afraid of vampires, but finally started to get over that thanks to Ann Rice, the Twilight books/movies, and True Blood on HBO. Sure, vampires are still essentially scary blood-suckers, but they are also rather spectacular looking, and romantic as heck. I would not say no if Eric from True Blood wanted to whisk me away and make me his. He's freaking gorgeous! But there is nothing about zombies that is either romantic or pleasant to look at. Because zombies are, quite literally, the walking dead, as such they don't tend to look anything other than horrific. Plus, well, their diet leaves something to be desired.
So color me surprised when I became hooked on AMC's "The Walking Dead" last month. A trusted friend who had previously recommended shows to me that I ended up loving ("Six Feet Under" being one of them), said I'd really like the show. I laughed and told her that I was rather zombie-phobic, and wouldn't be able to get through even one episode. But then all of my polygamy/Alaska shows ended and there was nothing on TV that interested me until "Sister Wives" returned a couple of weeks ago. So what was I going to do? Read a book? Watch PBS? Heck no, I decided to try out an episode of "The Walking Dead."
I am not going to lie. I watched the first one either through my fingers, or in the reflection of the window in our living room out of the corner of my eye. The zombies on that show are the scariest, nastiest bunch of decaying flesh I've ever seen (not that I'd seen many zombies in my life, real or otherwise). The make-up people deserve tons of awards. I still watch many of the episodes through finger cracks and window reflections, especially if I'm watching in HD, yikes! I almost quit watching after episode 1 but decided to give it a try, especially after Mr. Sophy agreed to watch it with me (and keep me safe). We were totally hooked by episode 4, and watched all three seasons in less than a month (even tho we tried to "ration" them out).
So how did a zombie-phobe get hooked on "The Walking Dead?" Well here's the thing - it's summer, yes, and not much else is on. I tried "The Dome," twice, and I just can't. Probably because I read the book. But the real reason I'm a fan is that any show that has living people who are actually more terrifying than the walking dead ones is genius, pure genius. Because honestly I'd rather run into a zombie or twelve any day than The Governor or Merle, that's for sure! Okay but I'm getting off topic - back to why I'm no longer afraid of zombies and think they aren't so tough.
1. They are slow as molasses. I've got bad knees but even I could outrun/walk them. Sure, if a whole herd of them surrounded me I'd be in trouble, but if it's just a few, and I've got one of those cool swords or some re-bar, I'm golden.
2. They are dumb as a box of rocks. They are brain dead, after all, except for the most primitive part of their brains. So it's not like they can plot together to ambush a bunch of living people. It's like shooting fish in a barrel (if one has a gun, that is). They see live people, they limp and drag their bad leg, and shuffle over to the live person, and promptly get killed. For real killed.
3. They are easy to trick (which goes along with #2). All you need is a couple of other zombies on chains to wander around with you and they leave you alone. Or smear some zombie gore on you and they'll leave you alone (unless it starts raining).
So there you have it - I'm no longer afraid of zombies, and feel fully capable of surviving the impending zombie apocalypse everyone is talking about. What about the rest of you? Anything you used to be horribly terrified of that you aren't scared of anymore?
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Now for some comments about my last newsletter "Comedy Newsletter (July 10, 2013)" about my fascination with Alaska:
From drjim
Alright, Soph, its that time again! Dr J, here at your service, ma'am: that said, I settled in to read your Alaksa NL and I too, caught the misspelling. I know why people spell Alaska in this way, usually happens when one is watching Polygamy shows with a volatile mixture of Bacardi 151 and Red Bull. (The Red Bull is optional, but can make for an interesting ride!) Well, Soph, you had me at 'hello' - which after reading that you never intend to live in 'AK', morphed into that time-worn war protestor chant of 'hell-NO!'. I know what I know. You ain't fooling this guy. Indeed, the 'survivor' programs all pointedly tell you how DANGEROUS this terrain can become, and all the wo/man-chomping beasts that come running at the slight hint of a tasty, two-legged 'snack' waiting at the dim sum bar! Well, I have comforting news for you. Those intrepid dudes who go stomping off into the muskeg usually are VERY conservative types, complete with fervent 2nd Amendment rights firmly planted in their patriotic mindset. That's fine. Well, what happens (GULP) when we lose one, s/he gets lost, with no way out? Simple, simple, simple. The grizzlies befriend her/him on the spot! The intrepid dude/tte sits in the center of a ursine circle, and listening to the elder silvertips discussing how THEY have their OWN 2nd Amendment -'the Right To Arm Bears!' That said, the hiker hands off ALL of his/her weapons gladly, giving instructions on cleaning rifles/shotguns/handguns with the kits brought along just for this purpose. The Bacardi 151 gets passed around too, and bears are TOTALLY SUSCEPTIBLE to this "demon rum", so much so that our Intrepid Dude/tte slips past the clan now soundly asleep at the fire - and hikes STRAIGHT to the 'LZ' - which the bears were ALREADY THERE EARLIER, just waiting to give all parties an 'ALAKSA'-sized sendoff. Dayum, and NOBODY had time to discuss Grizzly Polygamy 101!!
Aye well, once again Soph, you take the Blue Ribbon for perusing through candid, everyday subjects for our meek, humble enjoyment and naturally, thousands of WDC readers have now signed up for these Survivor-style shows. I myself will stick with 'The Deadliest Catch'. The worst thing that can possibly happen to me is some Queen Crab, in a moment of total, blissful weakness, might catch me bent over - and PINCH MY WAHOO! (meaning my A$$). Such fun, Alaksa. I just might go before Thanksgiving..... ) - Soph, have to go take my GF - that would be WW - to the Brimfield Antique Exposition... Cant stay but if you can fit this into the responses to your NL, that would be great! It is fine with me, no worries, take what seems best and chuck-a-roo what is too goofy. It probably ALL is GOOFY. My bad.....laters! Dr J
Thanks for writing in - and for the laughs! 
      
From Marci Missing Everyone 
Well of course, we can't go a summer without our Big Brother fix. It's like a train wreck that you can't stop watching. Then there are the basics like Food Network Star, which is a favorite of mine. Finally, the family show of the summer, and what my daughter refers to as "Amerigotalent" or it's real title... America's Got Talent! That's my top three.
This season of BB is more of a train wreck than ever, isn't it?!? Yikes, all the racism flowing out of there, it should be BB - The KKK Edition! I don't watch the others you mention, but know lots of peeps love them. So many reality shows, so little time ........
From Sum1's In Schaumburg 
Your newsletter made me smile; I was wondering why you spelled Alaska wrong.  The only thing I've written that even mentions Alaska, is a poem about the states I've been in. Sadly, Alaska is the only one I haven't been in. And come to think of it, Alaska isn't mentioned in that poem, since I ask the readers at the end if they can figure out which state I haven't visited.
Glad it made you smile - maybe next time I'll even make you laugh! 
From Shannon 
This NL cracked me up because I was born and raised in Alaska--Soldotna, to be exact. These shows really don't represent what living in Alaska is like for most people, but they're decent entertainment. We, too, only ate meat we harvested ourselves, and garden vegetables were limited in the harsh climate, but we canned and made jams from wild berries and generally loved the lifestyle Alaska has to offer. It's the only thing I knew until I was 15 years old (nope, I never left the state until we moved out when I was 15), and there's nowhere quite like it. I still have family up there (aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews) and am able to visit occasionally. My last visit was in 2010. If you ever DO go for a visit, make sure you see the Kenai Peninsula where I was raised. It is, in my humble opinion, the most beautiful part of the state.
Glad you enjoyed it - and very cool about your Alaska heritage! It looks so beautiful, would love to visit it sometime.Interesting to hear your perspective on all of the shows that are on dealing with Alaska right now, there are so many!
Please keep your comments and suggestions coming! Until next time! Sophurky |
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