 Comedy: June 12, 2013 Issue [#5720] |
  Comedy
This week: My Strange Fascination with Polygamy Edited by: Sophurky  
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My Strange New Fascination with Polygamy
Disclaimer 1. I don't intend to offend anyone with the newsletter, so apologies in advance if I offended you. This is the Comedy Newsletter, so I am intending to humor you. Apologies in advance if you are not amused.
Disclaimer 2: I don't mean I am fascinated with creepy, Warren Jeffs - FLDS - kind of polygamy where kids are abused and married off underage to creepy old men like Warren Jeffs and wear clothes from the "Little House on the Prairie" thrift store. I am talking about the cool polygamists, like the fake ones on HBO's "Big Love," or the real ones on TLC's "Sister Wives," or my newly discovered passion, "Polygamy USA" on NatGeo.
Summer has arrived here in the US which means reruns of favorite shows, a few good shows on Cable (Dexter, Newsroom) and a ton of Reality TV shows on every channel just to get us through until Grey's Anatomy returns in September. Lucky for me, I LOVE Reality TV! So we are going to do a whole summer series on my new discoveries this summer. Next month I'll share about my new fascination with Alaska thanks to NatGeo, but this month I want to share about polygamists, and how I think I might want to be one.
First let me say that I know polygamy is against the law - and a lot of polygamists are criminals and belong in prison. But as I said in Disclaimer #2, I'm not fascinated by those polygamists - I like the cool fun ones. I was first introduced to the inner workings of non-fundamentalist Mormon polygamy by the fictional family of Bill, Barb, Nicolette, and Margene Henrickson and their kids of Sandy, Utah. As that show went off the air I transitioned to the Brown family of "Sister Wives," a reality show about a real family of modern polygamists that airs on TLC, where I quickly became hooked by Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine, Robin, and all 73 kids. Okay maybe not 73, but I lost count at 4.
"Sister Wives" is a lot like "Big Love" in that they are both attractive families who didn't live in a compound and wear normal clothes, makeup, and have pretty hair (except for Nicolette, who didn't jazz herself up until the last season) and seem like fun, normal people. Kody looks, talks, and hair flips like an aging old hippie surfer who used to be a lifeguard in Malibu, and is still searching for that perfect wave. Except he's from Utah not California, and he doesn't drink or do drugs. Neither of these families stand out in the real world (or the fictional HBO world), but both feared for their families if their living situation was found out. Kody got so scared about it he moved his family from the safety of Tiny Town, Utah to Las Vegas, NV so they could better blend in with the other Sin Cityans. *Oh, and neither the fictional Henricksons or real Browns drink alcohol. Not important for this paragraph, but will come into play later.
Recently I discovered a new reality show on NatGeo called "Polygamy USA." It's a reality show about Centennial Park, Arizona, Population 1500 - a town made up solely of polygamist families, just south of the Utah border. Most of them were part of the Warren Jeffs group, but split off almost 30 years ago and created their own town and "sect" of polygamist Mormons just a few miles away. (There's nothing funny about why they split - tho to their credit they got out well before creepy Jeffs and the FLDS came to light and the compound was raided and kids were taken away, etc. Not funny. Moving on ...)
Here's what I like about "Polygamy, USA." They follow three or four main families instead of just family, plus various other members of the community who agreed to be on camera. There is Uncle Art and Hyram and the rebellious Ezra, who wants to marry a non-polygamist local gal; there's Michael and his wives and huge litter of children; and some handsome guy (Isaiah I think?) with his hot two wives. There is lots of drama, like between Ezra and his dad, plus how Michael is going to be able to feed his 18 children and 3 wives, and will the missionary boys ever get off missionary duty and get married?
Speaking of marriage, seems like they do things differently in Centennial Park than in other polygamist groups. Apparently the over-18 female is the one to pick her husband!  She isn't bartered for or chosen by the man - she picks her husband, and if the elders approve, she becomes either his first, second, third, or fourth wife. She gets a "name from God" placed on her heart, then she goes and tells the church elders, and then two week later, Voila! A wedding happens. Seriously.
In a recent episode, missionary Hyrum was an old man of 22, unmarried and wondering if he ever would be. Next thing you know, 18 year old Kellie decides that she is going to be his wife, he meets her and they have a "date," and two weeks later they get married. She evidently saw him when she was 15 and knew from that moment he was the one for her (he's kinda cute, except for his eyebrows). So she prayed over it, and announced his name to the elders after she turned 18. And next thing you know, Kellie, Hyrum, and his eyebrows are getting married.
Just let me say this about that. If I were one of this kind of polygamist, George Clooney would totally have to marry me!!! I am SO moving to Arizona! Because, you know. God put George Clooney's name on my heart. I swear! I'm not making that up!!
Oh, the other cool thing about them? They can *drink in moderation, unlike the "Sister Wives" or "Big Love" polygamists. Plus polygamists have others to help cook and clean and do laundry and take care of the kids. Sounds like a good plan to me - wonder if I can convince Mr. Sophy to convert? I know he likes George Clooney too. Wait, what do you mean I can't have more than one husband? Why is it a husband can have a bunch of wives, but a wife can't have a bunch of husbands? Seems only fair, dontcha think?
See you next month,
Mrs. George Clooney (aka Sophurky )
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Now for a few comments about my last newsletter "Comedy Newsletter (May 15, 2013)" about May.
From LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi Sophie!
It doesn't surprise me a bit that you're both a goddess and a saint. Maybe only in Germany, but I'm sure Sophie Day will take over the world sometime soon!
~ Laura
You are too kind!
     
From Jacqueline 
My first Record was The Bay City Rollers. Big fan in the 70's
Ah yes. "Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday Night's Alright!"
From Elle - on hiatus 
I'm a bit late reading this newsletter (the April issue), but thanks for the recommendation on the Christopher Moore book. It sounds perfect for my husband (and my dad too actually), and I'm gonna get it for him for Christmas. 
Excellent - let me know how they like it!
From Quick-Quill 
Terry Reid-Mary died for a moment and came back with the abitity to see the dead to help them solve their murder and cross over. Mary has a dry sense of humor (at first) some things she quips were just burst out with a laugh, now, not so much funny. Maybe her humor dried up with all the dead she's delt with, E-books on amazon
Ah, thanks for the info - might have to check it out!
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, the King and Queen of Comedy - Robert Waltz  and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  - remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky |
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