 Comedy: March 27, 2013 Issue [#5584] |
  Comedy
This week: How Sick Is That?! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Wow, it's spring already. Can you believe that? Well of course it's easier to think of spring getting here quickly when you winter in Florida. However, the sunshine paradise isn't all smiles, tans and swimming pools--there are things that can spoil the fun. |
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Hello, folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter. It's always an honor and a pleasure to be here with you each month.  Now what was I saying? Oh, yes, besides fun in the sun and the total feeling of being spoiled, one has to remember that in warm temperatures things also tend to become spoiled a lot faster.
I don't know where this came from, but WL caught some tummy bug, recently. I was fine, so it wasn't any food I prepared, thus, I have to believe that it was a virus or some bacteria, that enjoys the Sunshine State as its own balmy breeding ground. There sure is plenty of warmth and humidity to be inviting enough to these pesky soldiers of sickness.
One night, Web-Lock complained of a stomach ache and the need to run to the bathroom--a lot! I need not explain why--you all know what I mean. It goes by different names, but as a child I was always told by my parents, "Oh, it's the Grip!" Or, "Looks like the Grippers have got you." Once the name was placed on the illness, it became time to take the trusted, home-cure-all remedy for all types of tummy ailments. (Except during pregnancy, of course. But that's another story.  ) The next day, I told WL I was going on a mission of mercy and would return with everything he needed for his symptoms. 
"Where are you heading to, Web~Witch? You're not going to be gone long, are you? Please don't leave me here to die alone! 
"Now, WL, a stomach ache isn't usually life threatening. I'll be back before your next trip to the web-throne. I'm only going to one place and it's close-by."
So off I went to find the cure. I walked inside the neighborhood liquor store and greeted all the friendly employees there, whom I've gotten to know over the past two winters.
"Hi Web~Witch, where's Web-Lock, today? You guys are always together."
"He's feeling a little ill, so I'll need a few items to help him heal faster."
"Sure, we'll get right on it. What would you like?"
"I'll need a bottle of blackberry brandy, ginger ale and some ginger beer." Thankfully this fine establishment is also a pretty good deli; assorted cheese, crackers and spreads' place, too.  "I'll also need some hard cheese, not too spicy, and some wide noodles. This will all help settle his stomach."
"Yes, that's true, WW. I've always been told that blackberry brandy is a great stomach settler. Cheese sauce and noodles will be easy to digest, also."
"That's right! It was our old family remedy when we were young. My mother would give me a tablespoon of the brandy and tell me to lie down with a hot water bottle. By the time supper was ready, my tummy was good to go!"
"That's funny, my family was the same way. Italian, right?"
"Yup and French, too. They love their brandy, you know. My French great-aunt said it was good for the heart. My Italian grandfather made his own wine in the cellar, which my grandmother said was good for the blood. So, we grew up having a little taste of the homemade wine during holiday meals. When we got older, we were told that taking a glass of wine with a meal would guarantee a longer life. I couldn't argue with people who lived to be in their mid-nineties!"
"Interesting, WW. I didn't think there would be so many similarities in our families. I used to think my mom and her mom were strange with their home remedies, but they always worked. I just couldn't tell my friends that I had some brandy when I was a kid. They'd think our family was kooky; trying to turn us into alcoholics or something. However, we all grew up to be fine, productive folks. Go figure!"
"My brothers and I turned out okay, also. So, I did the same things raising my kids. You got the grippers, kid. Here's a spoonful of the blackberry brandy. It worked every time. "
"Okay, WW, I've got the brandy, the ginger ale, ginger beer, cheese and noodles. Will that be all?"
"No, wait--I almost forgot! I'll need a bottle of vodka, too. "
"Vodka? Hmm, I haven't heard about that one. How will that help him?"
"Him? Oh, no, it's not for Web-Lock. The vodka's for me. Have you ever been around a sick man? They're a real pain in the butt--can drive you to distraction. This way, I can just pour, sip, smile and nod while he complains." 
That's all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter, folks.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch
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k-9cooper
Now that's how you get an Iron board for the right price. LOL... Love it... Keep up getting those bargains WW+WL
k-9cooper
By our very nature, we are bargain hunters. (Translation: C-H-E-A-P!)
Ralph 
Hiya,
Good sillyness, you are a fun read. I...
actually have an ironing board stashed in my
closet. I'm now single, do not even own an iron.
Ok, I'm in Salem Oregon, just an hour drive
to the coast,... SURF BOARD!
RR
Ride-On, RR--Ride-On!
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW!
That community club house is sounding better and better all the time, and you and WL deserve prizes for being champion bargain hunters. Oh, I forgot -- you already got bag-fulls of 'prizes'!
~ Laura
Just like vultures, Laura--we clean-up a bazaar's carcass. Hmm, I don't think that came out right?!! Well, you know what I mean--they didn't want to repack all the leftovers so we actually did them a favor.
doublemeasure
Great newsletter, Sky Surfer, I mean WW! Thank you for including my blog in the Editors Picks, it got me some new readers and some ratings ranging from 5 stars, to 1 star. This reminded me of the perceptual nature of the comedy genre. It's so very difficult to write something that is appreciated by everyone. It also reminded me to welcome and embrace the thoughts and opinions of others. I'm looking forward to your next newsletter very much. Hans.
Thanks for the feedback, Hans.  I'm happy you got some readers of your blog after it was highlighted. It's so true, humor is a subjective thing. You'll never please 'em all.
writetight
Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ , you seriously need to be writing a humor column for a newspaper, gal.
Thanks! I would really enjoy doing that, Dan.
Ya hear that, newspaper peeps? The guy says I got it--so get me and you got it too! I'm also pretty cheap! Oops, I don't think that came out right. 
drjim
Aaaaaahhhhh yesssss, Webbie - its all there about your WebLock finding that xtra 'space' for the ironing board! I really DID get an offer for the board in the parking lot and come to think of it, I am not sure now whether it was for $10 or what she was offering! But hey, I KNOW you'll be asking me soon is that what s-h-e was offering,and could that possibly fit in the shopping bag?! Go figure!
Yup, you got to watch those parking lot widders looking for a silver-haired, god-like specimen. Hey, even you aren't safe around them! 
Thank you for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
WW
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