 Comedy: February 26, 2013 Issue [#5532] |
  Comedy
This week: Now That's Bazaar! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Sometimes the best bargains are found in your own backyard. |
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Hello, folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter. 
There is a yearly bazaar in the hall of the club house where we live. It's usually very crowed in the earlier hours. WL and I like to stay away from a crowd of bargain hunters let loose inside a room full of odds-n-ends, furniture, and a possibility of finding some stray antiques or collectables. Our preferred time is when it's a half-hour to closing down.
I began my search of the tables and found a broiler pan for one dollar! I asked one of the volunteers if I could pay her for the pan, she told me that they were trying to get rid as much stuff as possible so they didn't have to pack-up the items when the bazaar ended. She directed me to a table by the stage and said, "You can buy a bag from them for one dollar and fill it up as much as it can hold."
"You mean that I pay the price I was willing to pay for this pan, to buy a bag for a buck, and fill it up with the pan and any other items that would fit into it?"
"Yes, quite a bargain, eh?"
"Oh, my yes!"
I went to the table with the "bag lady" and gave her my dollar. She looked around for bags and the only one left was a shopping bag with handles. Talk about good fortune, there. I could fit lots of stuff in that bag. I did just that. Then, WL, met me at one of the tables, holding a couple items in his hands. He told me that the items only added-up to a few bucks. When I told him he could put all those things in my bag for free, now, because I was only required to pay a dollar for the bag and could fill it up for no extra charge. He said, Great! I'll take this side of the room and you take the other. Grab what you want, and we'll meet here to place the stuff in the bag."
"Web-Lock, don't hold the bag by those flimsy handles; place a hand under the bottom of the bag. That way we won't have to worry about the bag breaking under too many weighty items and we'll be able to stuff it to the brim."
After leaving him holding the bag, with those words of caution, I went on my own little treasure hunt.
A while later, I found him over at the book table. I deposited the items I grabbed from the tables I visited into the almost filled bag.
"WW, there are many more books, here that I'd like to get, but your items filled the bag to nearly bursting point."
"WL, how about taking that bag of items to the car, then come back inside and pay them another dollar to reuse the empty bag?"
"Fine idea, WW, I'll do that!"
He dumped the treasures we found and proceeded to fill bag number two. I, of course, found a few more items that suddenly, I absolutely needed.
When we finished filling the bag for the second time, WL said he noticed something in the back of the room, and would deposit the full bag-o-stuff in the car and come right back.
"WW, there's one more item we really need."
I was puzzled, because I thought I had scanned the room pretty good and couldn't imagine which "one more item," he referred to. Also, if he was going to pay another dollar for the shopping bag, why would'nt he fill that bag up with more than just one item? 
I got my answer soon enough. I watched as Web-Lock headed to the rear of the hall. Right there, behind another display, stood an ironing board. (He's right, I did need an ironing board. The one that was left with our place was only a table top board.) Oh, no! He's not going to try to fit that thing into the tired, old, worn-down shopping bag?!!.
True enough, he put the bag down on the floor; lifted the ironing board, turned it over so that the narrow end went into the bag, and then stooped down to lift the bag from the bottom. He then proceeded to walk toward the exit.  Everybody stopped what they were doing and watched in disbelief as he held on to the ironing board, which according to the rules managed to fit inside the bag.
"Hey, they never said that nothing could hang out of the bag." Which was the case of about two-thirds of the ironing board. "They didn't say anything to me when I walked out the door with the last two, which were heaping-full, with many items hanging outside of the bag."
I couldn't argue with that kind of logic. 
So, there he went, past the guys at the door who were ushering people in and out of the hall. They also, just so happened to be, W-L's pool playing buddies. They burst out laughing making comments to him as he left the exit. "Way to go, Web-Lock, you sure know how to fill a dollar bag!" And, "Hey, are you gonna iron with that thing or surf with it?" Not to mention; "Is Web~Witch giving up her broom for the board?" "Yeah, guys, that's it, she'll be a sky surfer instead of sweeper!"
Their voices faded as he continued his journey. En route, to the parking lot, one last minute bargain hunter called out to him. "Oh, mister, I really need one of those! I'll give you ten bucks for that board; you can even keep the bag."
"Sorry Ma'am, I'm taking my very own original, silver-surfer to the shore. Remember this next time; The early bird always catches the wave." Or something like that.
Folks, there is nothing more gratifying than that feeling of getting a true bargain. An end-of-the day bazaar can be an amazing greed fest! You know what they say, one person's trash is another person's treasure.
There was a huge antique show going on in our city that day; we had planned to attend it. However, we knew there would be nothing there that could come close to beating the bargain we got right there, in our own community club house. 
It's a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch |
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Ralph 
Hiya,
You go through that and still read funny, cheerful.
Way to go,
RR
Thanks very much, RR! I do my best.
Why have I suddenly been thinking of kickboxing?!!! 
Joy 
Glad you're doing so well, WW.
I love your sense of humor with adversity.
I learned a long time ago that the members of the medical profession have a warped sense of time. They tell you after the fact what they should mention before, and vice versa. And they either say too much, too little, or nothing at all. Speaking for me, nothing at all is the least worrisome. 
Thanks, Joy!
I think you're right about that one; too much information can cause disturbing dreams. 
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW!
Holy cow - muscles bound up, siphoning out marrow, and leg contorted in awkward tortured-Barbie-doll positions??!! Eek! I'm now NEVER getting a hip replaced. I'd rather crawl or have hubby pull me around in a little red wagon.
~ Laura
Worse than that, I will most likely need the right hip done in the not too distant future! Will the nightmares never end?!! Now I know what they're doing when my lights go out.
drjim
Ah, another classic Comedy newsy-newsy from the Lady With The Bionic Hip. I put the LWTBH moniker on your name because, why, I live with you! I KNOW where that thing resides and when you began discussing how a two-headed Alien/Predator hybrid was residing well alongside your healing incision, I simply had to keep the surgeons informed down on the 6th floor of Region 99 that they were ALIVE, IT'S ALIVE!! Plays hell with people's love life, I tell you... I mean for all the right reasons as well. Great work, yet again...keep them coming!!
Wait until I get my other hip done--then I'll be Mega-Bionic.
Be afraid--be very afraid, Doc!
BIG BAD WOLF Feeling Thankful 
Just be glad you don't have a crowd of enemies waiting to jump you.
"WarCraft versus StarCraft Interview"
Well, I guess I can be thankful of that!
Thanks for the feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
WW
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