 Comedy: December 25, 2012 Issue [#5426] |
  Comedy
This week: The Holiday Comedy Issue Edited by: Sophurky  
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| Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. This week we'll discuss the comedy potential involved in everyone's favorite holiday tradition - the family holiday dinner! |
| ASIN: B07N36MHWD |
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Amazon's Price: $ 7.99
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Why I Moved to the Midwest
I tell everyone in my family that we have lived in the Midwest for over 20 years because it was the only place we could find jobs. They wouldn't believe me if I told them it was for the weather, so I'm sticking with the "job" story because I don't want to tell them the truth. They are my family, and I do love them, so I don't want to hurt their feelings with the real reason.
Let me back up. I was born in beautiful, sunny, always 75 degrees southern California. I grew up in the same home all my life, and then attended college at "The Beach," not far from home. (GPs to the first person who emails me and knows what "The Beach" is - no cheating with google!) After college I moved to beautiful Ojai, CA for two years before heading east for grad school at the age of 24. (Yes, Ivy League if you must know. Oh wait, you didn't ask? Sorry, my bad.) 
My plan was to return to SoCal after my graduate degree (because it IS paradise, after all), find a job there, marry a rich attorney or doctor and live in a beach house in Laguna. Or Malibu. Unfortunately I met the love of my life while in grad school, where neither one of us were studying the law (or medicine) but instead we were both getting degrees in one of the many "helping professions that don't pay squat."
Mr. Sophy was from the east coast, I was from the west coast, and in the beginning, yes, the only place we could both find jobs turned out to be the Midwest, but that's not why we stayed. We stayed because we found the one spot geographically equal-distance from both sets of families, so that we could have the perfect excuse every December NOT to go home for the holidays.
But wait, you ask. Why wouldn't you want to be with your families for the holidays? Isn't the whole point of the holidays spending time with family? Well, maybe so, and as I said, I do love my family, and Mr. Sophy loves his. But something comes over them at holiday dinners that turns them into loud, obnoxious, crazy people, and I'd just as soon not endure enjoy that particular festivity ever again as long as I live, if I can help it.
Oh I'll have dinner with them, and I do whenever I visit them. But holiday dinners? Um, no. My family is filled with nice, wonderful, funny, kind, generous people, and I love them. But something about holiday dinners, in particular Christmas dinners, brings out the worst in them. Maybe it's the stress of the holidays, or the excitement of getting through dinner to get to the good part - the gift exchange. I don't know for sure. What I do know is that Christmas dinner turns up the volume of the conversation to an ear-splitting degree, as everyone tries to talk at once and carry on their own one-sided conversation with whoever will listen to them. And just so you have a clear picture - this is not a table with 20 people at it. At most we ever had 10 people, including kids, around the dinner table. It just seems like 3 or 4 times that many!
One year my sister and I were sitting next to each other watching everyone trying to speak at once, and no one listening to anyone. Andy Williams crooned in the background about "the most wonderful time of the year" as my brother's voice grew louder trying to get the attention of my father across the table, who was engaged in a conversation with my brother-in-law, and my niece cranked up her volume so she could be heard by my mother. You get the picture. I picked up a bowl of mashed potatoes turned to my sister, who was sitting next to me, whispering in her ear, "Let's see how many times this goes around the table before someone realizes no one asked for them to be passed." She laughed and agreed. The record? Six times around the table before my mother caught on and set them down absentmindedly.
So yes, Christmas is about families and love and being together - and I'm all for that for other people. For me, I'd much rather have family dinners on non-holidays. They are much less stressful, and allow me to stay in my PJ's all day on Christmas Day, enjoying the peace and quiet with just me, Mr. Sophy, and our sweet labradaughter, Daisy.
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Below you'll find some recent comedy offerings from other WDC members. Don't forget to leave a review and rating if you read the item.
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Here are some responses to my last newsletter "Comedy Newsletter (November 27, 2012)" about the things we found at my mom's house:
From LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi Sophy! What an adventure you're having! That's kind of creepy about the spoons, but really funny about the lock with two keys! I bet your sister felt kind of foolish. Great NL as always! 
~ Laura
Oddly she felt proud of herself for sticking with it and breaking into the box without losing an eye or stabbing herself with a screwdriver, lol.
       
From sunnystarr
This was a funny very newsletter and I really was laughing out loud as I read your story: Things we found at Mom's house! Keep them coming 
Thanks, so glad you enjoyed it!
From sylvia
very funny. I enjoyed reading it. Those wonderful memories are what helps us keep the loss at bay
So very true, thank you so much.
From writetight
Sophy, your "Things We Found at Mom's House" newsletter hit close to home. When my mother was admitted to a nursing home last year the job of sorting through her stuff fell on my shoulders. A child of the Depression, she never threw anything away. I found dozens of used batteries and dead light bulbs. Bank statements and tax returns going back forty years filled several large boxes. Enough clothing and shoes to open a re-sale shop (if women still wore size 6 shoes and size 0 dresses from the 50s). A three day garage sale netted $700 for everything in the house worth selling, and Goodwill became the beneficiary of 16 large trash bags filled with miscellaneous "stuff". )
Wow, we haven't even gotten quite that far yet, but it is daunting, isn't it? Hope you found some humor along the way on your own journey through your mother's home!
From Nixie🦊 
Not only was your NL charming, the crossed-out words tickled me. Especially the Zombie reference.
Every one is always looking for the right verb, the snappiest, most original, or unexpected. You showed me a way to accomplish that daunting task. Thanks!
 Why thank you very much!
From blue jellybaby
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us! Going through a hoarder's house can't be the easiest thing but you've done it with a smile on your face 
A smile yes, and booze helped too!
From Quick-Quill 
I am writing about a man and his brother who are what they call hoarders today. The things you describe will make great additions of comedy to my novel, I hope you don't mind if I use them as inspiration.
Well only if you promise me 10% of your royalties, and cite me, of course. 
From Zheila
Hi, thank you very much for sharing the story of your mon's house. Many interesting things a person finds when a close reltive passes away. Things that to the founders those not make much sense but it made a great value for the person when she was alive. I always wonder when I die and people come to check on my valueable , they shall ve very disappointed because all I have is books and notbooks with research written on them. Sorry I do leave any money, bounds, or other valueables. But to me these things are very important.
Sincerely, Zheila
We had such a tough time deciding what to keep and what to get rid of, and I know my mom must have been throwing a fit at what we ended up tossing. But if she'd just left some instructions or gave us any indication before she died, it would have been so much easier!
From Katya the Poet 
Loved this. Loved the key ending!
It's the honest to gosh truth, too, HAHAHA!
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, the King and Queen of Comedy - Robert Waltz  and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  - remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky |
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