 Comedy: October 17, 2012 Issue [#5312] |
  Comedy
This week: Halloween Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Stuff that's hidden and murky and ambiguous is scary because you don't know what it does.
Jerry Garcia
There are some ghost stories in Japan where - when you are sitting in the bathroom in the traditional style of the Japanese toilet - a hand is actually starting to grab you from beneath. It's a very scary story.
Shigeru Miyamoto
Girls are scary. Large groups of girls scare the crap out of me.
Kristen Stewart |
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We don't really want to be scared.
Oh, we say we do, around Halloween. But in reality, the costumes we wear and the things we do lean more toward comedy than horror.
Take a look, for example, at this year's list of popular Halloween costumes:
http://www.wtop.com/41/3067330/Top-Halloween-costumes-in-2012
Consider the top children's costumes. Let's see... princess, superhero, superhero, princess, pirate, and things that stopped being scary in 1922.
Or the top adult costumes: Sexy witch, sexy vampire, sexy pirate, sexy Batman... okay, maybe not, but you get the idea. We're not trying to scare each other. We're trying to seduce each other.
Incidentally, #6 on the list of pet costumes is a tie between dog and ghost. #4 is cat. What are people doing, dressing up their dogs to look like cats, and vice versa? That's unnatural. Stop it. Or are you freaking people out by dressing your cat up to look like a cat? Stop that, too. In fact, stop dressing up your pets. It's a living animal with dignity (well, except for the dogs), not a frakking baby doll.
Point is, if we want to be scary, we'd dress up like: a terrorist (which is a good way to get sent to Gitmo), that dude who shot up the theater in Aurora (it will always be too soon for that), or Honey Boo Boo's mom.
But wait - no, those may be tasteless, but they're not scary. Scary isn't safe. Scary isn't sexy. Scary is walking alone down an alley late at night. Scary is a blind date. Scary is footsteps behind you in a lonely wood.
Anything else is a parody of scary. Hence... comedy.
Okay, clown costumes are scary. But that's about it.
Comedy, of course, is there for us to deal with what scares us. It's our defense mechanism against things that are frightening - a philosophical discussion gone too deep, those things that wake us up in a cold sweat in the night, an excursion outside one's comfort zone, and the inevitability of death.
So embrace it this Halloween - release the inner comedian. And go frighten little children. |
Some dark comedy for this dreary month:
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Last time, in "Comedy Newsletter (September 19, 2012)" , I talked about getting young.
platinumbwords: Humorous comments. I like the play on growing old/up at the end.
Double standards are a riot. A milf gets a pat on the bat if she initiates a young boy to seduction, but a man hitting on a 17-20 year old already flirting with him for Jager gets crucified.
Yep. Just to be clear, though: Everything I write in the Comedy Newsletter is a fabrication for humor purposes only, and is not admissible in any court of law in any jurisdiction.
drjim: Is THIS NL supposed to be comedic? Or is this simply an old Waltz "Just Making Stuff Up" with a story that bends both minds and morals?!? Robert, never a problem with a read of your work, but IF what you've written here is possibly true, I think what you've published is some sort of 'feeling-sorry-for-myself' kind of lurch into the sensitive minds of your readers ... and in the process of doing so, have severely let us down. Last time I read about this kind of stuff, indeed it IS illegal to buy minors alcohol but what is worse is your attempt at internalizing what you call 'ogling' of a younger person is what actually found you doing jail time. Skip writing NL-s altogether from now on. Seriously.
...that's the joke.
Mummsy  : Jagermeister . . . check! Milkshakes . . . check! Wait, can I combine those two? Porsche . . . maybe tomorrow. But what the hell do you mean I can't pick up girls outside the liquor store!? Pour me another Jagershake, would ya?
Well, if you dropped the Porsche from the roof of the liquor store, you'd be making music... in the key of A Flat Minor.
troy ulysses davis  : Genuinely funny, loved the quotes and I can only imagine what the suggested reading has to offer.
Forgive the run on tercet with one sentence. Excellent writing.
If you want to run on terse, it's possible.
And that's it for me for October. Until next month, stay scary and...
LAUGH ON!!! |
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