 Comedy: September 19, 2012 Issue [#5266] |
  Comedy
This week: Getting Young Edited by: Waltz Invictus  
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Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.
-Henry Ford
Youth is wasted on the young.
-George Bernard Shaw
When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
-Oscar Wilde
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Getting Young
Age, they say, is just a number.
They don't really mean it, though, as I found out the hard way when I tried to seduce one of the girls standing outside the liquor store when they were trying to get an old person to buy them alcohol.
Funny, no one minded me buying them a fifth of Jagermeister, but when I ogled one of them, the Creep Police swooped in and carted me off to Perv Prison.
These days, everyone I know keeps complaining about getting old. I say: quitcher kvetching. Of course you're getting old. Everyone is. It's inescapable, just as is the death at the end of it. Don't like it? Only one way to stop it.
And that's to pretend it doesn't exist.
That's right. Just wipe the thought out of your mind. There are chemical aids for that (that fifth of Jagermeister could help), but they're not really necessary.
When you wake up in the morning, repeat the mantra: "I am not old. I am young. I am not old. I am young." Repeat it loudly enough and you'll not only wake last night's conquests, but drown out the sound of your joints creaking.
At lunch, when you're trying to decide between a milkshake or a salad, remember: young people don't waste time on salads, even though they have a lot of it. Go for the milkshake.
In the evening, see how many trendy nightclubs you can get kicked out of.
Don't buy that Buick. A Porsche will handle all foreseeable needs.
Ignore television dramas. Focus on the comedies. Comedy makes everyone young. Especially genitalia jokes.
As they say: growing old is inevitable. But growing up is optional. |
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Last time, in "Comedy Newsletter (August 22, 2012)" , I talked about the elusive quality of being funny.
Quick-Quill  : Your first line had me thinking of this little ditty I wrote
[Submitted item: "Little David" [13+])
Yes, the essential element was there.
decoluvj: Umm, I thought that today's comedy newsletter was funny, but not exactly helpful. It is difficult to 'teach' people to be funny. Could you, however, try to write a further newsletter that is semi-serious and more thoroughly discusses the topic? I enjoyed reading this, but I would also enjoy reading something that I can actually use. Thank you!
That's a great point - the only thing harder than writing comedy, I think, is writing seriously about comedy. I'm reminded of some old "how to draw" instructions. "How to draw a walnut: 1) sketch an oval 2) draw the ridge on it 3) Fill in all the details, with shading. Thanks, but anyone can do 1 and 2; it's 3 that we need detailed instructions for. I'll see what I can do in a future newsletter.
llirbwerdnadivad  : XD Ah, comedy...I never get tired of it, personally. Though I will admit that I am ashamed for laughing at some jokes...
It certainly is tough being a comedian, but it's well-rewarding. That is, if you're successful. That, or if you like to do things that are so ridiculous that people can't help but laugh. I'm a part of the latter.
The latter can certainly lead to success. Or epic failure - which, in the world of comedy, amounts to the same thing.
Prosperous Snow celebrating  : I usually mess up the jokes when I retell them. Maybe it's because I don't write them down when I first hear them.
Prosperous Snow
Oh, I used to be great at retelling jokes. I'd hear something, and even though I couldn't possibly retell it word-for-word, I'd at least get the important elements to be able to set up for the punchline. The internet changed all that, and now I can't tell a joke in person to save my life. The key, I think, is to work backwards - remember the punch line, and then remember the points to lead the listener to the punch line. And then, of course, there's delivery, which can be improved with practice.
Mumsy  : I thought the tomato juice was to get rid of the smell after someone threw a skunk at you.
That actually happens less often than you'd think.
Chickwit  : This newsletter makes me laugh.
I appreciate the reminder that humor is important in our writing and it's okay if not everyone gets it. But when they do; YAY!!! I could just throw pinata's about willy nilly in my excitment.
Thank you!
Where do you get all those pinatas?
troy ulysses davis : An interesting newsletter. It takes courage to tackle a writing assignment that requires comedy.
Most writing requires courage of a sort. Will people like this? Will they throw skunks at me? Am I good enough? Not the same kind of courage that it takes to rescue people from a burning building, or fight in a war, but still, some kind of courage. Thanks for the comment!
And that's it for me for September! See you next month. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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