 Spiritual: August 22, 2012 Issue [#5222] |
  Spiritual
This week: The Spirituality of Milestones Edited by: Sophurky  
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Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Spiritual Newsletter. In this issue we'll talk about the spirituality of milestones.
The Rev. Scotty McLennan, author of the book Finding Your Religion, compares humanity's innate need for spiritual searching to climbing a mountain. In his view, we are all endeavoring to climb the same figurative mountain in our search for the divine, we just may take different ways to get there. In other words, there is one "God," but many paths. I honor whatever path or paths you have chosen to climb that mountain in your quest for the Sacred.  |
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Milestones
The American Heritage Dictionary defines a milestone as a stone or marker set upon a roadside to indicate the distance in miles from a given point. Its second definition, which I suspect gets greater usage, says that a milestone is "...an important event, as in a person's career, the history of a nation, or the advancement of knowledge in a field; a turning point." Our lives, collectively and individually, are full of milestones, some we experience on our own and others we share with a peer or loved ones, with a nation or other community. Some are positive, some are negative, and some just are. September 11, 2001 is obviously a significant milestone for the entire world, just as is August 6, 2012 -the day Curiosity landed on Mars.
My mind has been on milestones this week because today would have been my parents' 63rd wedding anniversary if they were still alive, and their marriage was certainly a milestone in their lives but also in my own because their union is responsible for my being here. I can so easily bring to mind pictures of them from when they were first starting out as a couple, some I've been familiar with for most of my life and some found more recently looking for photos for Mom's memorial service. These black and white treasures portray my parents as so young, impossibly skinny, in love and facing an uncertain future - as compared to the people they became, including becoming my parents, and the adventures they had along the way, both with each other and individually. They were married 53 years before Dad died - and while neither of them would have said they were deliriously happy every day of those 53 years, neither would they have said they didn't truly love each other or would have traded for another life or person.
I spent 42 years of my life as part of the family they anchored together, until my father's death in 2002 - which was of course a huge milestone in my family - and then almost ten more years as part of the family Mom headed alone. Her death in May was another significant milestone, shared with my siblings and others who loved her, and now our family is working on reinventing itself and how we will function as family without either parent as our center. Because so many of our shared milestones occurred within with our family - first days of school, weddings of siblings, divorces of siblings, parental illnesses and surgeries, and of course my own diagnosis of arthritis at the age of 16, a milestone that had far reaching effects beyond just my experience with it - we have better odds of making it through our latest hurdle and finding our own way of being family in the absence of our parents. It will be different than it was, certainly, but it will continue, which would have allayed one of my mother's biggest fears about us after she died - that we would scatter and live our own lives separately, unconnected. But she needn't have worried - in fact, my sister has already stepped into Mom's shoes in one way. Mom used to call me a few days before a family member's birthday she was worried we would forget. So when my sister called me earlier in the week and said, "I don't know if you remember or not, but Friday is Sue's birthday," (Sue is my brother's wife) and reminded me to call her and send a card, even if it would arrive late, I burst out laughing and told her, "Look! You've become Mom!" She laughed (instead of being offended like she used to be when I made a comment like that). Another milestone.
As I said earlier, some milestones in our lives are more welcome than others - but whether they are positive or negative events, they become part of the landscape of our lives and have a hand in who we are and who we become. Illness, death, job loss, natural disasters, and violence are all as much a part of our lives as are the joyous birth of children, a career achievement, falling in love, and succeeding at a meaningful life challenge. A friend recently lost his 25 year old son, and six weeks later, in the grip of his very raw grief, he's started blogging about it. In a post from a couple of days ago he quoted from Rabbi Harold Kushner's book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, which he wrote after his own young son died. It does a beautiful and poignant job of summing up a milestone one would rather have not experienced. "I am a more sensitive person, a more effective pastor, a more sympathetic counselor because of Aaron's life and death than I would ever have been without it. And I would give up all of those gains in a second if I could have my son back. If I could choose, I would forego all the spiritual growth and depth which has come my way because of our experiences, and be what I was fifteen years ago, an average rabbi, an indifferent counselor, helping some people and unable to help others, and the father of a bright, happy boy. But I cannot choose."
Perhaps as you read this your own personal milestones have been occurring to you. Why you chose a certain career path and where it led you - perhaps in expected ways or in even more interesting unexpected ways. How you met your life partner and got together the way you did, and how it might not have been. How the death of a loved one or illness impacted your life. Much as the original definition of a milestone involved a marker set on a roadside to indicate the distance in miles from any given point, life milestones mark our progress and the distances travelled in our own lives as well, reminding us of where we've been and how far we've come - of who we were years ago, of the lessons we've learned. They remind us of the valuable things about who we've always been, or maybe the valuable things about how we used to be that perhaps we'd like to resurrect or reincorporate into our repertoire of behaviors and perspectives now. When I look back at my own life, for instance, I sometimes wonder what my 18 year old self might be surprised to learn about my current self if she were given a glimpse in a crystal ball. Would she ever have imagined I'd have the career I have now, let alone that I'd leave behind the golden shores of southern California for the Midwest? Would she be surprised that I married a Jersey boy, and that I didn't become a mother as she always imagined?
And as my 52 year old self recalls the 18 year old Sophy, I wonder what happened to some of her more positive traits and if I can ever get them back - my sense of excitement about life and hopefulness, my fearlessness and confidence, my extremely thin body! Milestones also remind us of the positive things have we gained along the way that we can celebrate, as well as the unhelpful baggage we have managed to shed, or perhaps we are still carrying and need to unload once and for all. There are certainly things this 52 year old Sophy is happy to have left behind with 18 year old Sophy - insecurities that left me mired in overwhelming self doubt at times, and a naiveté that did not serve me well.
What are your milestones? Who might you have become if ...? What might have become of you but for ...? Are there any significant milestones on your journey, as well as events you now recognize as stepping stones to where you are now? Write about it, put it in your portfolio, and I'll feature it next month in my newsletter.
Until next time, Sophy |
Below you'll find some spiritual offerings from other WDC members - some are about milestones, some are recent spiritual writings. Please let the folks know if you read their piece by leaving a thoughtful comment or review.
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Here are some responses to my last newsletter "Spiritual Newsletter (July 25, 2012)" about "Traveling Light."
From ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy 
Thank you for including my essay for your readers. You are so right about all the baggage that we surround ourselves with...do we need all of it? are we living better because of it? That depends on how much we care about the people around us in all the circles of our lives. Thank you for the reminder of what's really important. "One life to live, will soon be past, only what's done for others, will last." Ann
Thanks for the comment - and I love the quote!
From ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams 
Thank you for featuring my story "A Conversation" in your awesome WDC Newsletter of July 25, 2012. Christina Daltro
You are most welcome.
From Zeke
Sophy,
I identified with this piece, and yes we were happy in our twenties, and we are happy now. Only the reasons have changed.
Zeke
Exactly - thanks for sharing.
From dogpack saving 4premium 
Hola:
Our possessions of this physical world may be important to us, however, we can not take them when we leave this world. Our spiritual possessions will go with us, our spirit will carry these along to our future home. Our spirits can go where our physical bodies can not. We have the ability to fly and share with each other the important spiritual things which can not be taken from us. The4se to me are the treasures to hold onto forever because although we may forget things and physical items may decay our spiritual treasures will be with us always. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts about our physical items and relations between our spiritual interactions.
And thank you for writing in and sharing your item with us.
From Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ 
It's so true, Sophy. Traveling light has great advantages. WL & I found that out when we wintered in Florida with just the items we could fit in the SUV. We got the bare necessities at thrift shops and garage sales. We love feeling like college students again and the unclutter of it all! Freedom from "big furniture." We can't wait to go back!
Wow, great ideas (thrift shops, etc. for your SUV essentials) - and so cool you loved it and want to do it again! Thanks for sharing.
From richardhead
Hello Sophy,
The simple answer is yes. The harder answer is, because you asked, did it or will it change anything? That answer is yes also. How do I know?
I asked the same questions, Marlin
Thank you for sharing - much to ponder here.
From Mia - craving colour
Hi Sophy. Love your thoughtful piece and the questions that grow out of it. The question I've been asking myself is 'why do we spend a lifetime acquiring more material possessions when in the end we need to let of all of them?' In light of that, there's a lot to be said for 'simplicity'.
Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free.
Thanks for all your comments - keep them coming!  Until next time, Sophurky
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