 Comedy: July 13, 2005 Issue [#499] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: The Milkman  
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1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions
When writing your next comedy story, poem, essay or eulogy, keep in mind these quotes that I found in the "Toastmaster's Treasure Chest"...
A man shows his character by what he laughs at --- German Proverb
I think Comedy writing is also a good indicator of what kind of person you are. So please take into consideration who it is you are laughing at.
Laughter: The sensation of feeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot --- Josh Billings
You know he is right and the one spot to have it shown is right here in the Writing.Com Comedy Newsletter.
We like to hear people laugh, but not when we're chasing our hat down the street --- Author not listed
So write about chasing your Stories.Com baseball hat down the street and hopefully your reviewer won't say they laughed at you.
A pun is the lowest form of humor ~~~ when you don't think of it first --- Oscar Levant
My advice to beating your friends to the punnies, especially on Scroll... learn to type.
Lastly, and this tidbit will need no motherly advice from me...
No young man ever expects to grow up and be as dumb as his father --- Author not listed.
If you think you have what it takes to write humor, then you will want to check out this comedy inspired group held by my good friend elizm446. I might even divulge a couple of my writing tips...
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Bathroom Humor
I’ve stooped to a new low in this Comedy Newsletter, the lengths or should I write heights I’ll go to too make sure that you receive a little entertainment each week in your email box.
I know I’m not alone in this idiosyncrasy but I find a lot of my inspiration coming from my bare butt cheeks dangling inches above blue dyed water. Today (Monday, July 11, 2005) I found myself in a Cost Plus World Market with all the symptoms attributed to leaving a deposit. While I was sitting there looking at quilted toilet paper on a stainless steel holder and reading the graffiti on the walls I had a thought of, “What would a person do if, while flushing the toilet it flooded the stall? Would this person contact the store manager and ask for a plunger or make sure all traces of his visit were removed except for the obvious and walk out into the store like nothing happened. Sure overflows happen in everyone’s life but what if, through accidental carelessness you were to drop your keys, wallet or a piece of jewelry into this porcelain receptacle. Do you roll up your sleeves, swallow your pride and dive in like there is no tomorrow or do you get the manager to do your fishing for you?
“Are you the manager?”
“Yes”
“Do you have a coat hanger, plunger or a plumber on call?”
“Should I?”
“Well I dropped,” mumble, cover up your mouth with your freshly washed hand, “my keys in the commode.”
“Let me get them out for you.” (Yeah right, if this manager has any sense at all he is showing you the stores collection of wire coat hangers and display of chewing gum…) I recommend the plastic coated hangers and any flavor of Bubble Yum with a steady hand. I’ll have you know that I have never dropped anything into a public waste receptacle that I couldn’t afford to replace; I just hoped it would flush without the flood.
For another seemingly unrelated topic of discussion, you’re perusing the local thrift store looking for a treasure amongst everyone else’s trash when you feel the vibration from the Mother Nature phone. While washing your hands, after you returned her call, the power flickers and then goes off. You feel your way out of the restroom and into the main part of the store and you walk into the recycled electronics department. There you find a bulging eyed associate with the cord of a television dangling from his hands and hovering over a receptacle. You wonder if this man is the cause of the power failure or maybe this thrift store is so bent on cost cutting that they only paid a portion of their electric bill.
The whole purpose of this Comedy Editorial is to get you, the reader and the writer of comedy items, to use some of the inspirations that come to you no matter where you are.
??? Questions of the Week ???
Where are some of your most interesting places for inspiration?
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Even at home plumbing can be a form of inspiration.
Orange is
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Words to live by.
Yellow is
I, too, am losing the battle of the bulge.
Green is
a bathroom to the bat cave... some inspiration.
Blue is
Things to do in your spare time.
Indigo is
Getting old?
Violet is
Ol' Babs is probably rolling around at this moment. |
Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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Some lovely comments left by my stalkers, er uhmmm fans...
Um, wow! Thanks for including my poem in this newsletter! I'm so glad someone besides myself found it amusing!
I actually have a question, though. I have a million different funny ideas in my head, but for some reason they never come out funny on paper, especially in short story form. How do you comedy writers do it? How does it manage to stay funny when transfering from your brain to the computer? Any advice to someone rather new to the genre?
Lady Haggis is back, finally 
The best advice I can give is stop trying to be funny on the first draft and let the humor/writing speak for itself and then when you edit be mindful of what is funny and what isn't. And also try to find a way to remove your best joke from the piece to see if it will stand by itself. (Trust me, this works)
The first thing that comes to my mind is that you are over-worked, have one too many animals, and should start reading books that will help you escape your everyday life. Of course, the second thing that comes to my mind is to tell you thanks for a writing another great newsletter.
billwilcox
Thanks Bill
Re: writing schedule. Late night == not good, too tired. Early morning, 4am to almost 1pm, exausted by then. Varies. Say 5 - 11 am, best! Pattern helps.
April Sunday
I have no pattern.
I believe everything you say because I have many writing books. They all agree to write every day. I'd like to say I also believe that it's the busy people who manage to write the most. Thanks.
robi4711
You're welcome...lol
Until next month this is The Milkman  saying, "Good laughs make good friends".
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