 Comedy: February 29, 2012 Issue [#4882] |
  Comedy
This week: Wherever WW goes, trouble follows! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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I attract the weirdest situations sometimes. It doesn't matter if I go out of my way to avoid drama, it just happens. Let's take a look ... |
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Hello, folks. Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Since we last met at the beginning of the month, I have mastered the art of fishing. I can say that because without even trying it seemed, I caught a shark! That's right, a two-foot-long, juvenile Hammerhead. I had to throw it back of course but it was the most exciting adventure of my fishing career."
With fishing under my belt, I also have managed to get pool balls in the pockets on the pool table. I am beating the house, (Web-Lock) in blackjack, and I attempted to get some golf practice in, even with my bum hip.
The other day I wanted to relax; hide in a little corner of the clubhouse library and read and write. It was a slice of heaven not having to deal with a tangled fishing line in the heavy winds off the pier. I was forced to get myself untangled with three strange men, and I do mean strange. If all three of them smiled at the same time, they'd combine one full mouth of teeth. Web-Lock was busy untangling his own line at the time and wanted me to learn the sportsmanship of approaching fellow anglers and offering assistance in the line liberation movement. While one guy was working the lines, the other two were staring down my shirt. I stood there patiently waiting for the guy to slowly unfurl the uncomplicated tangle. I mean, it was a simple over-under twice maneuver; what the heck took so long? Finally, Duh, I realized I was the target of their mis-casted line, being the only female on the dock at the time.
However, I digress. Back to the quiet, but not for long, library. I'm sitting there minding my own business, pounding away at the keys of the computer. This woman comes in and strikes up a conversation about her sex-life or lack thereof.
I've never met this person before, but she thought it appropriate to complain about the books and magazines on the shelf.
"I wish they would get some magazines that appeal to me. What's wrong with these people? I'm an old lady, what the heck to I care about beauty make-overs, recent styles or how to keep a relationship fresh? I just want to read People Magazine or the ones about real crimes."
"Oh, I'm sorry you can't find anything you like. Perhaps you could put in a request to the Homeowners' Association for more diverse reading material."
"It's ridiculous, I'm an old lady (I'd say in her mid-sixties. Not old by today's standards.) and I'm not interested in books about romance and sex, sex, sex!"
Folks, she's looking at me waiting for some validation on what she just told me. I was speechless! Yes, even WW can become speechless in a surreal situation. Not to mention that I didn't even know her name. She never bothered introducing herself when she barged into my out-of-the-way, quiet space.
She continues with the fact that she doesn't think about that stuff, anymore. I'm thinking to myself, I'm so sorry for you, Ma'am. She rambles on about how her friends tell her that those books are so exciting to read and that she should try reading one or two before condemning them.
"Who needs excitement at their age? I think they should grow old gracefully and put all of this nonsense out of their minds!"
Again, she looks at me to commiserate with her. I remain silent and astounded. I still haven't had an introduction from her. I can't remember having such a long, one-sided conversation about sex with anyone since I was a teenager.
Once she got all of that sordid stuff off her chest, she said her goodbyes. Who was that person? Oh, that's right, she never told me her name. 
That evening, WL and I dropped some laundry in the washers and worked online while we waited. Suddenly, there was a lot of shuffling going on in the great room down the hall. People were scuffling with mops, buckets, shop-vacs and a lot of "Oh mys."
"WL, I wonder what that could be about."
"I don't know, WW, but I'd better go check the washer to see if it's time to get the clothes in the dryer."
He comes back a few minutes later, whispers in my ear that something's wrong with the washing machine. I run out back with him to find a note that one of our washers had been flowing over. Thankfully there was a shut-off valve within reach.
"WW, that king-sized bedspread was too big for the washing machine."
"It always fit just fine in our washing machine, back home. These are supposed to be commercial grade machines."
We scurried to clean the little flood in the laundry room and grab the offending quilt from the machine and turn the water valve back on to finish its cycle. Pheww! Nobody would be the wiser. 
Later, we passed through the banquet room and found several people mopping and wet-vacuuming the floor, in panic mode. One yells out to the others, "It must be the ice-machine! It probably got clogged and started leaking out on the floor."
WL and I just kept walking. We know nothing, saw nothing, and most of all, did nothing!
We went back to the computer room and heard new arrivals to the clubhouse chattering something about the parking lot being filled with water and it hadn't rained. 
Tell me it was just a coincidence that the washing machine that overflowed had nothing to do with the great flood of our subdivision. It was really the ice machine's fault, right? I mean, so what if the laundry room is a wall away from the great room and bordered the parking lot. It doesn't prove a thing!
That's my story and I'm sticking to it! 
It's a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter, folks.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch
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billwilcox
This reminds me of the saying, "feed a fish and you, uh, get a fat fish, but teach a fish and you, uh, have a school?"
I don't know, it went something like that.
 Yup, something like that, Bill. I don't need an educated fish, just a fat one who played "hooky!"
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hey WW! You seem to be having a great time in Florida (while the rest of us freeze  ). Congrats on hooking your first fish! Although the cleaning part must have been icky. If I had to catch, kill, and butcher my own food, I'd be a lot slimmer. Sounds like a great new diet -- the Cave Man Diet. There are no limits on what you can eat as long as you kill it with this handy-dandy club. Vegetables are starting to look mighty good.
~~ Laura
It's okay, Laura, since I am the chef in the house, WL saw the merits of my reasoning. I told him if he wanted to eat those fish, he'd have to clean them and I'd prepare them for supper. Hunger is a strong motivator!
drjim
Great newsletter!!! Always fun and informative... and I wonder...who is the lucky guy you mention so often in your columns? Hmmn... mebbe someday I will even meet him!!
You are incorrigible, WL!
Thank you for your feedback, folks. we editors really appreciate it!
WW
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