 Comedy: February 01, 2012 Issue [#4847] |
  Comedy
This week: Like Teaching an Old Dog ... Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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It's never too late to try something different. You can almost be guaranteed that you will do something humorous while learning. Well, at least that's what always happens to me. 
Let's take a look ... |
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Hello, folks! It is I, Web~Witch, with another edition of the Comedy Newsletter, coming from my southern command center. As always, it's an honor and a pleasure to be here with you.
I promised myself that if spent the winter in Florida, I would be more proactive in being active. So far, I have been doing that quite well. 
I also wanted to try different things such as fishing, playing pool and attempting to do shuffle-board without a ship being involved. I used to think in my way-back youth, a cruise ship was the only place people would play shuffle-board, so they wouldn't get bored. Although the game itself looked boring to me from watching it on the TV oldy but goody, "Love Boat."
Thankfully, I have Web-Lock, who is quite an athletic person, teach me the ropes of becoming an ambidextrous, pool-shark, some day. He said my ability to use both my right and my left hand will be killer, once I really learn the moves and rules. But, at this time in the game, he keeps yelling scratch,to me. I don't know why because I'm not itchy. But I like to show him my gratitude for his patience and pick some random part of my body to scratch. I guess that little pause in the game of scratching is only fair because it gives him a chance to take a turn.
I think he cheats, though, because once he gets a hold of the pool cue, he keeps on playing until there are almost no balls left for me to hit. 
He loves the white chalk that comes with the game, rubbing it all over his hands and the blue chalk that is attached to the side of the table, which he rubs on the tip of the cue. I just like the smell of it. I mean, I don't remember ever liking its odor when I was in school, but this pool chalk has a great scent. Anyway, when he misses a shot, he blames it on not having enough it.
I also like the eight-ball. I remember having one of those fortune telling ones, as a child. WL always has conniptions when it falls in a hole, too soon.
After several days of practice and understanding the least required rules of the game, he gave me the stamp of approval. That meant it was worth his time to continue teaching me.
Since I did okay with the billiards he thought I needed to expand my horizons more and attempt fishing. Now this guy must have the patience of Job, because he doesn't hesitate to take on the challenge of trying to teach me yet another sport.
When we got to the Atlantic, I was all excited about casting that great line into the rough sea and perhaps catching a Mako or some other really appetizing creature. However, WL insisted on doing all of the casting. He told me it was too dangerous to others for me to attempt casting for the first time.  (WW has been a klutz at times.) So there I was, holding a pole and waiting. I got bored with just waiting, so I turned the reel a little to get some fish attention. When he saw I was content and even showing initiative in the capturing of supper, he excused himself to go talk with some anglers at the far end of the dock.
About four-seconds after he walked away, leaving me in charge of the pole, I got a nibble.  I immediately tugged the pole to keep the fish hooked. I'm frantically trying to get his attention, but due to his deafness he couldn't hear me. You'd think he would look back every so often to see if I was doing okay. No, he figured I'd be in the same position I was in when he left.
I started reeling-in the line as it proceeded to bend 180 degrees. I wondered how such a skinny pole would be able to manage pulling-in what felt like a shark!
As I reeled, the fish showed itself breaking through the water. Well, surprisingly, it wasn't a shark, Mako or Charley the Tuna. It was some fish called a Pompano. I was confused as to how to handle the fish and remove the hook because we hadn't got to that step, yet. I turned to my right and saw a couple who were fishing. I shyly asked, "What do I do now?" 
They saw Web-Lock walking away and knew I was totally out of my comfort zone with that wriggling fish. The wife came over to help remove the hook, but it was not budging. Her husband rushed over with some pliers-like fishing tool and liberated the fish for me. They said it's called a "Pompano". I was unfamiliar with that type of fish, so I asked if I could eat it. I wanted something I'd be able to eat after all that work! They smiled and said it would be an excellent fish to eat.
A few minutes later, I could see WL walking back down the dock toward, me. I held the fish high in the air to show him my fishing prowess. The first thing he asked when he reached me, was, "Did you catch that fish or did that couple you were with before I got here, give it to you? "
"What do you mean, Did I catch it? Of course I did, why would you even ask?"
Then I remembered my first golfing experience at a par-three, course. My ball went into a sand-trap and when WL turned his back, I picked it up and threw it onto the green, after three failed attempts to get it liberated from the sandy nuisance.
WL was my teacher and so proud of my accomplishment, until he looked down at the club I was holding. It was a seven iron.  Then he exclaimed, "You threw the ball, didn't you?"
When we got home with my Pompano, I was told one of the rules of fishing: you catch it, you clean it, you cook it. Hmmm, I'm going to have to get me one of those fishing rules books and look-up that one. 
Nevertheless, after that long day of fishing, (and even catching a seagull ), it was only my Pompano that fed us that night.
Yes, folks, learning new things can be fun. I'm thinking about trying Blackjack, next. He said he'd teach me all the rules and strategies so that we could play at one of those tribal casinos.
Oh, Puhleeze! "rules and strategies?" How hard could that game be? Even Web~Witch can count to twenty-one!
That's all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch |
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greatdanish 
Hey. This is the first time I'm submitting a letter "to the editor" but your aging piece made me LOL and I totally related to it because I too have a young/old aging issue. While I'm not walker ready I do have more of a hitch in my giddy-up than I care to have because I'M JUST NOT THAT OLD! HA. Tell that to my aching bones.
I'll eventually give-in to the surgery because I don't want that hitch in my giddy-up!  Otherwise, It would make it very difficult to wear my stilettos. I mean, I can't be on my broom all of the time!
Thanks for your feedback. I'm thrilled that I was your first. 
MoJo 
From one "youngster" who opted to have my hip replaced (I was 48 when I had the surgery) all I can tell you is that once the rehab is over it is most wonderful to be able to walk without pain again. The recovery was long but oh so worth it. I couldn't find a doctor within 100 miles that would operate due to being too young. "Would someone please tell me how old you have to be to have your hip replaced because I didn't realize there was an age limit?"
Oh and they do give you a walker, a grabber and a ton of "old" people items that make life easier while you recover. I have stored them away now for when I get older.
Loved your newsletter, WW. I live in the south and wouldn't trade a warm Christmas for a cold one any day.
I really need to get it done. I'm just trying the alternatives, first. 'I'm keeping active, using the weight room for strength building and doing lots of exercise in the pool and ocean. You know, all the stuff that really isn't going to make the problem go away. I am debating on whether to have it done in Florida or up North. Decisions, decisions! Winter in the South is the bomb!!!
Thank you for your feedback!
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
A laugh is always needed- occasionally it comes at the expense of others.
Most of the time it comes at my expense. I am a laugh magnet!
Thank you for your feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it.
I'll be back on the 29th, Leap Year! You get me twice this month.
~WW
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