 Drama: November 02, 2011 Issue [#4692] |
  Drama
This week: Not the Only Window to the Soul Edited by: NickiD89  
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Not the Only Window to the Soul
I worked with a critique partner for several months last year while we were struggling to finish the first drafts of our prospective novels. Every Friday we swapped chapters via email and offered each other feedback. The chapters were rough, as all first drafts are, so we'd agreed to focus our constructive criticism on broad stroke topics like plot logic and character arcs, rather than on the technical mechanics of grammar and spelling.
I would read her chapters, highlighting words or passages, and add comment balloons in the margins with my reactions and suggestions. She would do the same for me. After emailing back the marked-up copies, we'd meet on Skype for a live chat session where we hashed out the critiques.
I was reading over my partner's comments on my Chapter Four when I came across a comment balloon with just one sentence:
Enough with the EYES already!
I had no idea what she was talking about, until I asked her during our Skype chat. She pointed out that I use my characters' eyes too often in characterizations. Over time, she'd become increasingly distracted by "the eyes," to the point that those cerulean orbs, those knitted eyebrows, those 'pleading eyes' began to pull her right out of the story.
Thoroughly surprised by her reaction, I pulled Chapter Four up. It was a shorter chapter which I'd already decided how to expand, once I'd fleshed out an element of the story in a later scene. I clicked the "Find" button and typed "eye" into the search box. To my horror, of the 2,404 words of Chapter Four, the word "eye" turned up fourteen times. Fourteen! I was aghast.
Amanda raised her eyebrows in mock surprise.
"Jules, he's wearing more eye liner than you are."
Amanda's eyes glistened as the candlelight lit her face.
Amanda's eyes filled with concern.
Amanda nodded, her smile sparkling in her eyes.
Julie forced her eyes again and again on Amanda's face...
Each time he passed, his eyes were on Julie.
Julie averted her eyes...
A man with light colored hair and the most startling moss-colored eyes she'd ever seen stood at her shoulder.
... she realized the other three had their margarita glasses raised, and all eyes were on her.
...the handsome waiter in eye liner stepped in front of Julie.
Julie smiled, but Bruce's gray eyes swam before her and her heart rate picked up.
Bruce locked eyes with Julie and made a face...
Julie looked back at Amanda, raising her eyebrows at her.
What an eye-opener!  Once I realized my fixation on the eyes, I experienced a shift, as a writer. My new awareness led me to consciously avoid those descriptions in my first drafts.
I had to dig deeper to find more interesting and varied ways of displaying the emotional states of my storytellers. It became a project that occupied my mind even when I was away from the computer. I began observing people more closely when I was out and about. I watched people's body language. I tried to guess from afar what people were talking about and how they were feeling, in that moment. I took notes.
Today, I still read through drafts and find "eyes" gazing back at me. But there are far fewer than in my earlier work, and my characterizations continue to broaden in descriptive scope.
I don't swap first draft chapters anymore with a critique partner because I feel my own creative process gets derailed when I solicit input too early. First drafts are for experimenting and trying things that may not make it into the final draft. But I don't regret when I was working with my partner. Without her, I may never have identified a weakness in my writing. Even if it was as obvious as the eyes on my face.
Thanks for reading!
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Question for next time: How about you? Do you have your own brand of "eyes" that shows up again and again in your first drafts? Maybe it's overuse of "was" or "is"? Or perhaps it's a deep-seated love for sentence fragments? Tell me about it, so I don't feel so alone. (*sniff*)
Last month's question was: What's the last lofty goal you set for yourself? How did you overcome fears to achieve it? Here's what readers had to say:
Mara ♣ McBain  -- Another great NL, Nicki! Now I just need to put these techniques and my butt in motion!!
Thanks, Mara! And please, with the way your portfolio has grown in the past year, I'd say your butt has been in motion!! Keep up the awesome momentum, sistah!
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling  -- My lofty goal is to get my books published. Friends help out. (Sumbitted item: "Planet Animalus Book Summaries" )
Best of luck with it!
bertiebrite hoping for peace  -- Hi. I liked this newsletter installment. I wrote a novel years ago. It was not the writing that got to me, I am gifted like that, it was the editing and making it work. In that way I am tremendously lazy. I used to have someone who did it for me, but she is no longer on this planet. So, I have to do it myself, which is why my novel may never see any other readers but myself and a chosen few. I do edit short stories and poetry because that's not like work LOL
I think most writers fall into one of two camps: those who love to draft but dread the edits; and, those who dread the first draft but look forward to editing. At least, that's been my observation. I was just with a writer friend yesterday who says she's like you, can't stand the revision phase of a project. I'm on the other side of this fence. I love to take a chapter and add phrases, cut text, boost the tension, tweak the characterizations... Now, getting the first draft down on paper...? Ugh.
chi1  -- I was encouraged by your newsletter. It spoke to my situation. I'm an aspiring novelist. Sometimes, doubt creeps into my mind and makes me think I can never make it as a writer. Today, it happened again. Your newsletter motivated me to believe in myself. Thanks
Self-doubt is something every writer struggles with, at some point in his or her journey. Most are like you and me; most grapple with fears of inadequacy throughout their journeys. Write because you love to, and your audience will show up to read your stories. Best of luck, Oscar!
Brian -- Very inspiring Nicki, thanks very much. I am just new at this and in fact I am taking a writing course on line from Ottawa called Quality of Course and writing my novel at the same time, very challenging but I believe I can do it. So, I am grateful for people like you to give me encouragement.
How exciting! To date, I am entirely self-taught in the creative writing game. I have an ever-growing library of how-to books, and I've participated in several online workshops. One day, I will take some classes. Best of luck as you work through the class and write your novel!
In response to Going Deep with Third Person Limited (April 20, 2011) :
Pat Fuentes Perez -- Thank you for your insights into the Deep POV! I should try that more often, in the screenplays I am working on right now... I've observed too in the recent novels I've been reading the frequent use of Alternating POVs. In Kathryn Stockett's debut novel The Help, chapters jump from the black maid's POV to the white daughter's POV, each one describing the same world in their differing perspectives. Same is true in Muriel Barbery's second novel The Elegance of A Hedgedog, where the 12-year-old girl's POV alternates in chapters with the concierge's character.
Alternating POVs is a wonderful technique for offering the reader a variety of insights and showing how relative one's reality is, based on the person doing the observing. The key is using only one POV per scene or chapter, though. When the narration jumps from one character to another within the same scene, the story becomes confusing, in my view. Thanks so much for reading through my past newsletters. Best of luck with your screenplay!
In response to Face the Fear (June 15, 2011) :
Pat Fuentes Perez -- Mama Sparrow's flight, a writer's plight... Hi Nicki, it happens to me too. At the spark of an idea, I attempt to begin writing it, then take a step back when it doesn't soar, then I go back in to try anew... but often, I couldn't find the way back in. Stomped. As you say: "when I flee often enough, the fragile ideas sense impeding abandonment. They cool off and perish, like unattended eggs in a nest." I must learn that lesson as well, and keep in mind that no matter my directing chores and my demanding clients, I must find and make time for my personal passion.
Thank you for sharing your value-laden story.
P.S. Has the Mama Sparrow ever returned since then? Perhaps with food for her little ones?
I'm happy to report that I have scaled three-quarters of Fear Mountain, and with NaNoWriMo off to a great start, I plan to reach the summit very soon!
In response to A Departure From Myself (August 10, 2011) :
Pat Fuentes Perez -- I do keep a journal, my way of talking to Myself, to My Soul... unearthing my deepest secrets, bitter pills I must swallow while living with a partner's daughter who can't recognize me for the life I build with and for her mother. Like you say "Stories whisper from every page."
Thanks, Nicki. Am happy to have found you here at WDC. I look forward to reading your debut novel.
My journals have gotten me through some of the happiest times and some of the darkest periods of my life. I wish you well in your personal struggles. An honest heart always wins out over resistance and distrust. And it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I truly appreciate your comments and support. 
See you all back here on November 30th.
Until then, have a great month!
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