 Spiritual: October 12, 2011 Issue [#4666] |
  Spiritual
This week: Living a Lie Edited by: Kit  
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Most people have uttered a lie or two during their lifetime. But why do we lie? And how can we stop?
This week's Spiritual Newsletter ponders these questions, and more.
kittiara |
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Mention the word "lies", and someone will be along to tell you that everyone does it. Everyone lies. Whether it's a "white lie" or a great, big, whopping one, it is indeed likely that most people have told at least one during their lifetime. Why do we do it? How can we stop?
I admit it... I have told lies. Many of them were of the "white lie" variety. For example, there are people who ask "how old do you think I am?" I don't like that question. If the person is obviously over the age of 18, it's likely that they want you to guess they're younger than they actually are. If you get it wrong, they'll look hurt. It's pretty much an invitation to flatter.
It's not always because of awkward questions, though. I used to invent a wide variety of excuses to get out of PE in high school. Anything to get out of that ritual humiliation! And I didn't have a dog to blame for eating my homework, but it's amazing, the things that can happen to an assignment you definitely did do but didn't bring in.
I am not proud of lies of that kind, but I'm even more ashamed of the bigger ones. When I was younger, I think it's fair to say that I lived in a fantasy world. I can't remember how it started. I do know when it did - when I started high school.
I'm very lucky, because I went to an excellent school. The downside was that most kids there came from wealthy backgrounds. Their parents had the big homes, the stables, the horses, the fancy cars. The kids had designer clothes, went skiing in winter and to exotic places during the summer holidays. I was one of the few students who came from a distinctly average background, and perhaps I was too young to appreciate all the hard work and efforts of my parents. All I knew was that I stood out from the crowd, and I wanted to fit in.
I started to reinvent myself, make myself more interesting than I felt I was. The lies started small, but as tends to be the case, to keep up with your lies you have to keep lying, and they become big, and complicated, and difficult to keep up with. The couple of times I was caught out about something, I managed to cover it up with ridiculous inventions, and I still don't know where it all came from.
I did learn a hard lesson. When people like you for who you pretend to be, it doesn't matter how popular you are. You'll still feel alone. It's the lies that they like, not you as a person, or that's how it feels anyway.
When I grew up, I decided that honesty was the way to go. That way I know that the people who enjoy my company do so because of the way I am, with all my faults or flaws, and that's a pretty reassuring feeling.
There are still those white lies, though. I don't use them often - in fact, I can't remember the last time I did - but I can't claim the moral high ground over anyone. So why do we lie? And how do we stop?
It's easy to say that we lie to spare other people's feelings, and there's some truth in that. If someone shows me a picture of their newborn, I will coo and aww with the best of them, even if I have no interest whatsoever in babies and I don't tend to think they're cute. I coo and aww because that's the expected reaction.
If someone cooks me a meal that I don't particularly like, I'll eat it and compliment the cook. They didn't have to cook for me, so it's polite to show gratitude. And if someone gives me a present that I think is hideous, I'm not going to hand it back with a disgusted look on my face, because they didn't have to buy me a present, and it would be rude to be unappreciative. Again, it's good manners to be polite.
Which begs the question - have we, as a society, come to accept lies? Advertisements are full of them, with photoshopped models giving the illusion that you, too, can look like that if you buy their latest product. Food in adverts always looks so much better than when you buy it in the shop or have it on your plate in a restaurant. Food colouring and flavor enhancers are everywhere, and they, too, are little lies to cover up the quality of the items you're consuming. And let's not even get started on fake tans, fake lashes, fake nails, botox...
It's natural to want to be accepted, and to want to show yourself in the best possible light. We want to be liked, and fit in, and to be part of society. It appears to be the case that it's hard to avoid the occasional untruth. So my answer to the questions in this editorial is that I don't know.
I don't know, exactly, how lies became part of our culture and I definitely don't know how we can get rid of them. Perhaps, if people were alright with straightforward honesty, it would help. Then again, there's something to say for good manners.
I think that the most important thing is to be honest with ourselves and to work from there...
kittiara
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team welcomes any and all questions, suggestions, thoughts and feedback, so please don't hesitate to write in! 
Mia - craving colour  - Love your 'Letter from the Editor'. By sharing your journey, you are an immense inspiration for others.
Thank you so much for your kind words  .
~~~
glo-stick - Cool newsletter.
Thank you so much!
~~~
Christine Cassello - I was in a similar position going through my late childhood, teens and into my adulthood in lacking confidence, although as a young child I knew I could do anything. It took a long time for me to understand that God was not angry with me and that I really was the child (our true personalities are formed by the age of 5 I heard). I was spending a lot of time upset because I was not what I wanted to be. God finally revealed to me that I was insulting Him by wanting to be different because He made me the way He wanted me. I still am not willing to take leaps of faith in large matters which I see as risky, but I am more sure of my abilities now at least.
Thank you so much for sharing! I am really glad that your confidence is growing once more! I sometimes wonder why we tend to lose that youthful confidence... but very glad indeed that it can be restored, bit by bit. Best of luck!
~~~
Grey Winters - Dark times come, Darkness falls on all of us, once, twice, many times in life. It's easy to fall, and can be seen as difficult to pick one's self up from the brink. It's in this that it is important to stop and gaze into the mind and heart and ask,"Who am I? What am I?". Letting all thoughts pass in the wind, allowing space for light to shine, an answer becomes you, and you will know. To share with others and to ask them this, this is the sharing of the sun.
Beautifully put, thank you!
~~~
MissDenise - Good article. I can relate with your earlier lack of self-confidence. Good advice in increasing self-confidence and comparing it to spiritual growth ,or lack of it.
Thank you! Hope you're getting there as well!
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misfitwriter - Wow, thanks for being so honest. It's refreshing to see so many other Christians around here. I just joined up yesterday and I'm not sure if I'm going to ever become a real writer, but I've had the makings of this story or that story in my head or in rough draft forms all of my life. Recently, my wife answered a couple of year prayer by buying me a MacBook Pro. I could have gotten writing done on previous computers I've owned, but something about this particular one totally inspires me to want to get serious. As well as picking up the Pages app, I joined Writing.com to try and see what I'm made of as a writer. I don't have the eyes to see this website for what it really is yet, because I'm new. But I love the interactive stories and have submitted two chapters so far. Thanks for being around for 11 years before I discovered it, I hope your around forever!
Thank you so much for writing in, and welcome to Writing.Com! There is indeed so much to explore, and it can take a bit of time discovering all there is to do. It's worth it, though, because I have grown so much as a writer since I joined, and I know it's been the same for others. Don't be afraid to share your work out here, as most people are really nice and give very useful feedback! And most of all, I hope you will enjoy yourself . That's very important.
~~~
Jay's debut novel is out now! - This editorial is so true, Kit! I'm so glad that you shared this story with us-- not only because it took guts to do that too, but because it's a great life lesson for all of us to be courageous and put our hearts out there.
Thank you so much! 
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GRAMPA ED - Kittiara,
Good read. I am who I am and I do not care what others think of what I am. Yes, I write to try to get people to read their Bible, but a lot falls out of their brains. Two of my books are Christian, but the third one is Christian but is "X" rated as I am going after those who only read adult novels. This is were I get into trouble with good Christians as they think it is terrible that I write like that.
Grandpa Ed
Hi Grandpa Ed! Hope you don't mind I changed one word in your post to "adult". Gotta keep this newsletter suitable for all readers  . But I still wanted to include your feedback, because I wanted to tell you - go for it! I think it's an interesting project, and who knows what the response will be? Worth a try, definitely, and please don't let anyone make you feel you shouldn't.
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Wishing you a week filled with inspiration,
The Spiritual Newsletter Team:
SophyBells  , KimChi , kittiara
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