 Action/Adventure: July 06, 2005 Issue [#460] |
 
Action/Adventure
This week: Edited by: Puditat  
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Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Helen Keller
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Anti-Action Agents
"Ssh, come closer." I beckon you forward, grabbing onto your lapel to pull you into the shadows of the doorway. I glance down the alley, but see no one. Footsteps echo somewhere in the fog, so I wait till they recede.
"They're out there," I whisper close to your ear. "Ssh, don't yell. Believe me, they are out there." I survey the alley again and bend closer.
"The Agents, they want to kill off Ty Action and Rip Adventure. Gasp you well should, it's true. It's up to you Art Author, to stop these Anti-Action Agents. Lean in and I'll tell you how. Chew it over, then swallow and digest. Repeat dosage as, or if, necessary. Arnold and Kristy are your reinforcements."
Anti-Action Agent 1. Long Sentences
Example: Kristy raced in through the first-floor conference room doorway, colliding with Arnold as he was fleeing from the armed guard that was coming from the opposite direction, and together they looked for a place to hide but there was no obvious place as they looked at each other with frantic expressions, fearing that the guards would be on top of them any minute.
Now doesn't that just deaden the action? On the one hand you feel like you've been running with the characters because you're so out of breath from reading it. But on the opposite side, who can remember what was happening in the beginning of it? Worse yet, who wants to continue reading a story that leaves them exhausted?
Fix: Kristy raced in through the first-floor conference room doorway, colliding with Arnold. He was fleeing from a second armed guard coming from the opposite direction. Together they looked for a spot to hide, but there was no obvious place. They looked at each other with frantic expressions, fearing that the guards would be on top of them any minute.
*NB - fixes only address the specified Anti-Action Agent, not all factors.
Anti-Action Agent 2. Wordiness
Example: Arnold wrapped a sweaty, damp arm around the shivering Kristy, and pulled her behind a white projector screen. He peeked around one side, then peeked around the other, and peeked underneath, but the room remained empty of anyone.
Wordiness is different to long sentences as it occurs in short sentences, too. Wordiness is simply the interjecting of extraneous words that add no new details to the story. In effect, they slow it down. It covers such things as (1) repeated phrasing, (2) unecessary descriptives, (3) use of two words or phrases that describe the same thing, and any number of other random words that soften the action of a piece.
Arnold wrapped a sweaty, (2&3)damp arm around the shivering Kristy, and pulled her behind a (2)white projector screen. He (1)peeked around one side, then (1)peeked around the other, and (1)peeked underneath, but the room remained (3)empty of (3)anyone.
Fix: Arnold wrapped a sweaty arm around the shivering Kristy, pulling her behind a projector screen. He peeked around the edges, but the room remained empty.
Anti-Action Agent 3. Passive Pirahnas: had/had been, that, then, seemed, appeared
Example: Kristy had been running around what seemed like a maze of offices and corridors for more than half an hour. Then she appeared hot and flustered, and that was a problem for Arnold as her energy had flagged.
These words are all valid, usable words, and yet they are the pirahnas of action. So is any word that is used too often in a story, whether it be a passive term, or some other innocuous word such as "like". When used in an action scene, these types of words eat up the tension, leaving the paragraph passive and wishy-washy. These words remove the reader from the action, leaving them feeling disconnected. To achieve a piece where the reader is involved, running, jousting, punching or flying along with the characters, avoid such words.
*Tip: Use Writing.com's word count facility to see if you have an over-abundance of these or any other words. It can be quite revealing.
Fix: Kristy was running around a maze of offices and corridors for over thirty minutes. She grew hot and flustered, causing a problem for Arnold as her energy flagged.
Anti-Action Agent 4. Bad Timing
Example: Arnold ran a calloused hand through his short, sandy hair as he watched the burly, tanned guard come closer brandishing a cold, metal pipe. Kristy's violet eyes widened so that her small pixie face was all eyes, and her ear-splitting scream dried in her throat.
Choose your time to reveal details. Giving too many descriptives in an action scene will only distract the reader from the tension of the moment. It's fine to give details that highlight a reaction or state of mind, as long as it does so clearly. It is also okay to use it to give an impression of the danger they are facing, assuming that the foe/situation is not described earlier. The colour of your hero's hair, however, is best left for a non-action sequence. Also beware of adding details that no one can know. If Kristy's scream never came out, how does anyone know that it would have been ear-splitting? It might have easily been choked, shrill, girlish, silent, high, long, short....
Fix: Arnold ran a hand through his hair to hide the shaking as he watched the burly guard come closer brandishing a pipe. Kristy's violet eyes widened, and her scream dried in her throat.
Anti-Action Agent 5. Parenthesis
Example: Arnold jumped over a chair (as it was in the way), then picked it up to use as a shield. Kristy (who had fainted) roused to find herself up against a wall with no way to escape.
Brackets - ( ) - interrupt an action scene, or any other for that matter. It takes the reader out of the scene to read some detail which either should not be there, or that should be validly incoporated into the scene.
Fix: Arnold jumped over a chair, picking it up to use as a shield. Kristy roused from a faint to find herself up against a wall with no way to escape.
"Now Agent Art Author, go and rescue the Action from these murderers. It is in your hands alone."
I issue a last terse warning, and disappear into the fog. A tall Anti-Action Agent looms out of the mist in front of me, but I grin as I hear your footsteps fade away to safety.
It has been a pleasure to provide this guest editorial for you. 
Puditat
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Lexi can feel earthquakes and see things that others can't. What's going on?
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These pieces of feedback are from my last Action/Adventure guest editorial... way back in March.  I just wanted to acknowledge you for your lovely feedback; it is a huge support and encouragement. 
Pudi!
Great newsletter! You summed everything up just right...W.D.
billwilcox
fab newsletter and it is really helpful too
mags27
I am new to Writing.com and have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying my time here. I read all the Editors picks along with this newsletter and they are very great indeed. Thank you so very much.
I look forward to future newsletters.
-JM
olliethemagnet
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