 Comedy: August 10, 2011 Issue [#4545] |
  Comedy
This week: Back to School Issue Edited by: Sophurky  
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. This week we'll talk about going "back to school." |
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Where the Heck Did Summer Go?!?
What's the deal? I was at an office supply store right after the 4th of July, and they already had huge "BACK TO SCHOOL SALE" banners hanging in the front windows. The aisles were so jam-packed with notebooks and paper and backpacks, I could hardly find my ink cartridges, and school was still over a month away. I just don't get that. Why can't they just let those poor kids enjoy summer? Why those glaring reminders that going back to school is just around the corner? That's just cruel. Add that to the fact that summer vacation has officially gotten shorter.
In the good ole days when I was a kid (back during the 20th Century), we got a three months off for summer - I think school ended for the year sometime in mid-June and we didn't go back until after Labor Day, best as I recall (though I could be recalling incorrectly since I'm pretty old and forgetful). But now it seems like they maybe get two months off if they are lucky. In fact, kids where I live are headed back to school next week (and they didn't get out until around Memorial Day). What is going on here?
If I was a kid in school, or a teacher -- because heck, why else would someone want to be a teacher other than to get summers off -- it's can't be the terrific paycheck in spite of what Fox News says. (Please note I am being sarcastic and ironic here - I admire the heck out of teachers and respect their dedication and calling, unlike say, oh, I don't know, Fox News?) But I digress.
Anyway, where was I before I went off on my Fox News rant? Oh yeah - I would totally protest this travesty of shortened summers if I were a student. It would be my 'Nam. I'd be having sit-ins and marching with signs and doing all kinds of civil disobedience to get them to make summer longer. It's like the school systems are stealing our children's childhoods!
Remember the lazy days of summer when we'd sit around all day and say "I'm bored" to our mothers until they made us go outside and leave them alone? And then remember after we got kicked outside how we'd gather the neighborhood children to play in sprinklers or better yet, if someone had a pool we'd have back-flip contests? Or have relay races or see who could last longer on a Pogo Stick? How sad that children today are being denied this important aspect of childhood, or if not denied, shortened.
Sure, sure, China is surpassing us in terms of kid smarts because they apparently go to school year 'round for 20 hours a day or something, and are beating U.S. kid's math and science scores by huge margins. But what would you rather have your kid be? A math nerd or someone who can jump on a Pogo Stick for 14 hours straight? (Do they even still have Pogo Sticks?) A scientist who discovers a new galaxy or a someone who has perfected the double back flip off a diving board without belly flopping? Seriously.
So won't you join me in trying to get summer lengthened, for the kids?
<runs from all the parents who are getting their pitchforks ready to hunt me down for a public flogging> |
First, a great contest!
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Next a few items about school, and some recent comedy items from the site -- remember, if you read and enjoy them, please leave a rating/review for the member!
| |  | Zeke's First Day (13+)
Zeke and the first day of primary school; 1000 words or less, written for Sir Mod contest
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
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Here are some comments from my last newsletter about procrastination and turning 51, "Comedy Newsletter (July 13, 2011)" :
From LJPC - the tortoise
Hi Sophy!
I just turned 50!! We can make bucket lists together. (And then laugh at ourselves for reneging on every item.) Actually, I have very few aspirations, so it's pretty easy to meet them. Like: Wash my hair once a week (I'm lazy). Get new glasses (I'd do this but I can't find the frame-store. I keep ending up in Pizza Hut, thereby nixing the 'lose 10-lbs' portion of my list.). Get an air-conditioner for my study (Ha! Cheated. I already did that one.)
Wishing you better luck on next year's bucket list. 
-- Laura
ROFL!  Happy 50's, and yes, let's work on a list together, you are my kind of gal!
From saraiv
What a great and totally achievable exciting list! Can't wait to see what you come up with for 52!
Oh dear, nooooooooooooooo! Not 52! Let me turn 51 first, lol.
From Joy 
Thanks, Sophie, for the laughs.
I love your list.
Btw, did you notice the resemblance character-wise (in vowels and consonants) between Clooney and colonoscopy, and isn't it odd you put colonoscopy right under Clooney(forgive the pun)? 
Dear Joy,
Clooney does not have an "s" and colonoscopy does not have an "e" so they are NOTHING alike, NOTHING I tell you. Now please stop pestering me unless you have something constructive or helpful to share.
From billwilcox
Ah, tattoos...now there's a sore subject. Now I suggested to my wife to get a tattoo on her bun. An 'M' on one cheek, and an 'M' on the other, so that when she bent over it would spell 'MOM'. She didn't think this was too funny, but after wiping away my tears of laughter, I told her that under the right circumstances, it would also spell, 'WOW'.
Oh Billy ..... . Mr. Sophy's name is "Bob" so how about a B on one cheek and a B on the other, then either direction it's BOB!
From THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! 
Get the tattoo and the colonoscopy at the same time. I've read Dave Barry's account of a colonoscopy - he writes that they knock you right out and you don't feel a thing.
It's not the colonoscopy that worries me so much as I AM out for that - it's the prep for it. The drinking the nasty gunk and then, well, a night of emptying oneself. So yeah, your idea looks good at first, but then, oh, the problems I foresee! 
From Ms. J
Loved the George Clooney. He's on my list on the men I'm allowed to sleep with. He's also on my husband's list. Should I be worried?
GC is on your husband's list? Is your husband a man? If so then yes, perhaps you should worry, lol.
From Olivia
This was very entertaining and comical :D thank you for sharing.
Glad you enjoyed it!
From bunnylove
how do you get your story in the newsletter?
At the bottom of every newsletter is a box to submit a comment, like you did for this one. You can also add the item ID# of an item you want to submit in the box that asks for it before submitting the comment.
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, Robert Waltz  and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky |
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