 Comedy: June 22, 2011 Issue [#4460] |
  Comedy
This week: Help, I'm at War with "No-Neck Joe"!!! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Recently, a friend sent me an invitation to join her "mafia." I figured, I was on a mini vacation to refresh my muse a little, so I thought I'd give this game a try. I mean, what harm could that do? The answer is... |
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Intervention!
Hello, folks! 
Mafia Wars is taking over my life. Every time I try to get out--it just keeps pulling me back in.
Okay, perhaps you, too are hung-up in a family war or theft of a casino. You require loyalty and always, always demand respect.
I am of Italian descent, so I have a mild fascination with this game. However, when I see that it's almost 5:00 a.m. and I am in desperate need of an energy refill, who will I call? I came to my senses, went to bed and tried to put all of this nonsense behind me. I promised myself that the next day, I would leave the wars behind, and go back to doing my writing and editing. Sleep, blessed sleep!
At about 6:30 a.m., I heard a frantic call for help.
"WW, quick, I'm under attack!This idiot declared war on me during the night!"
"Web-Lock, I just got to bed an hour and a half ago, I don't think I have the energy to fight a war, yet."
"Yes you do I just sent you an energy pack." 
"WL, you realize that pack is not really going to make me feel any more awake, right?"
"Yes, of course I know that, but I just helped you by icing a rat who was draining your bank account while you were asleep. I think you owe me the same respect."
Folks, I would gladly pay this rat millions of my mafia money, just to hide from me for a few more hours.
"Okay, WL, if you'll get my laptop for me, I'll fight in your war and then get some sleep."
I took out a couple of his enemies with one click. He was now on the winning side.  I could go back to dream land. 
"Webbie! Someone just declared war against you!"
"What!??? Now? Where is that little gutter rat, I'll wipe the floor with him and then find each of his cohorts and take them out individually!"
Following a few die hard days of fighting the enemy, WL deleted his account and I felt I was being disrespected by one of my own. I would have planned a hit, but he was no longer there to get hit. The vendetta went beyond the bright monitor screen. There was domestic disarray, so-to-speak.  Words of wisdom, threats and bribery from the Web-House, fell on deaf ears.
My intervention is being set-up as we speak. By the time you next hear from me, I'll be in a place called "FarmVille." Hmmm, it sounds relaxing!
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch
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Winnie Kay 
Another great one, WW!! Only you could make helping 'Mom' get in the car a hysterical event. Old-age is creeping up on all of us. I have to write notes to remind me where the notes are that I wrote to help me find the.......now what was I saying???
You were saying how wonderful it is to be getting old because you don't have to sweat the small stuff anymore--right?
Always good to hear from you, Winnie.
billwilcox
OMG! 
You are probably the funniest person I know, WW.
Ssssh! Don't let Waltz hear you say that. 
MumstheWord 
Oh my, I've just giggled my way through your entire newsletter! I'm quite a keen maker-of-cakes, and I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Self-Raising Flour in the same light.
Especially if you're making POUND cake!  !!!
drjim
Yes WW, the newest epic ... "The WebMom Chronicles" appears on the bookstore shelves in the near future! Ever thought of a compilation? Its darn near best-selling status already! Either way, I take pride in the fact that I've earned the moniker 'The Jaws Of Life' here on WDC. Now.... let me go and find another person to go hug....
Let's not get carried away, WL. Remember your back. It's more of watch your back if you are looking for more women to hug. I think you should talk to billwilcox about the danger involved. Or better, still, read the story I highlighted by him in this week's, Action/Adventure Newsletter.
OBTW, should I pick-up your suit from the cleaner's today? Hmmmmmm?
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW!
Uh-oh! I've already started seeing the signs on your list. I regularly go into rooms and can't remember why I'm there. Once, I got back to my laptop and realized I was holding a carton of milk. Sure enough, when I went back to the kitchen, I found my steaming coffee in the fridge. I forget when I'm cooking things and have to tell hubby that I'm trying a new recipe, like 'seared' mac & cheese. I thought it was due to being a crazed writer--I didn't realize it was OLD AGE!! Luckily, hubby already owns a small, low to the ground, silver car. Whew!
Thanks for the newsletter!
-- Laura
I had a really good response for you, but, I had a senior moment and forgot it!  However, I bet you will notice those silver cars more and more these days. Of course if you've already got one, it does make it difficult to find your car in a parking lot filled with silver!
It used to be easier for the oldsters when cars had outside antennas to place a colored ball on for quick spotting of the vehicle. Now, they wander aimlessly throughout the parking lot, trying door after door of silver Buicks! Do they even make them anymore?
Comment via email:
Smiling Jack
Loved your NL re old folks...
I have a great deal of empathy for old people now that I am one--and when I consider the alternative. One of the many advantages of surviving is that you are not easily embarrassed. A lifetime of faux pas enures you: you've already been there and blushed at that.
Smiling Jack at...
www.howtowritefunnycomedyandhumor.com
Thank you for your feedback. I couldn't have said it better, myself, Jack.
Thank you for all of the feedback folks. We editors really appreciate it!
WW
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